YES
by jlhumph
Summary: Katniss reflects on the defining moments in her life. A bit AU and OOC at times.Rated M. Book 1 of 3
1. Chapter 1

**Yes**

**A/N: This is my first fanfic and am new to the "author" concept. Please be kind when reviewing. I'll be working on format too so it's easier on the eyes. Hope you enjoy the story! Thanks to everyone the reviewed or added this story to story alert. Very flattering!-Jen**

_Katniss POV_

**Chapter 1**

It's been almost a year now since I've been back in District Twelve. As part of my therapy, Dr. Aurelius has advised me to make a journal to help me cope with everything I have experienced. At first, I balked about it. I was already working on a similar project with Peeta. But Dr. Aurelius was insistent and said Peeta was also working on a journal. He felt that since I would never say all of these things out loud to him or anyone else, that I would at least feel comfortable saying it to myself. I don't know where to start. "How do I start?", I ask him. He simply responds, "like all stories, start at the beginning". I take a deep breath and just go with it.

People have been trickling back into town. Rebuilding their lives, making changes, appearing happy. It's taken me a very long time to come to terms with my loss. I keep replaying all of those past defining moments in my life over and over in my mind. I think back to how my mother reacted to losing my father. Her depression, her lack of interest in life. My maternal and sisterly instinct to take care of Prim and myself. I tell myself that I did what I had to do. That even if my mother didn't rot away in her bed, that I would still have had to try to contribute and provide in some capacity. Losing my father was a devastating blow for me. He was my idol, my mentor, my father. I spent as much time with him as possible and we discovered how much we were truly alike. He was my best friend. It's not like I didn't love my mother or have a wonderful relationship with her, I did. But seeing her lose herself scared the life out of me. As much as I loved my father, it terrified me that a woman's love for a man could do that to any human being. I had always been petrified of having children because of the Reaping. It was a common fear among the people of my District to lose their children to the harsh reality of the annual Hunger Games. It always appeared that the poorest of our citizens, children of the Seam, were reaped to fight to the death. Once every few years Merchant children were reaped but it wasn't nearly as often as kids from the Seam. Because of this fact, this way of life, my mother's loss over my father, I took a vow not to marry and have children. If I didn't allow myself to fall in love, I couldn't possibly be tempted to have a baby.

Connecting with Peeta changed my whole wold. I had seldom noticed him while we grew up. He was Merchant, I was Seam. It just wasn't in our best interest to mix, even if we had become friends. I had caught him staring at me in school many a time but I was too young and naive to contemplate that he had a crush on me. After my father had died, when I was eleven years old, my family hit the lowest point at the bottom of the barrel. We were out of food, money and had no mother to tend to us. I had lost weight, so did Prim and were were dying. I kept holding out hope that Spring would come and my twelfth birthday would reward me with the two things I had been hoping for and dreading. My first Reaping Day and the opportunity to sign up for tesserae.

Tesserae would give us a monthly ration of grain in exchange for an extra entry into the Reaping Bowl. Not what I wanted to do, but I had to take my chances to support my family. It was on a very rainy desolate day that I had finally withered away to nothing and given up hope. I was outside our District Bakery rummaging through the garbage cans when I heard his mother screaming at me. I shrunk away in fear and made my way to the withered apple tree to die. There was just nothing left of me. After a few moments, I heard the most agonizing sound. It pounded in my ears. Then I saw Peeta walk over to the pig pen and toss a piece of burnt bread inside it. He made his way closer to me and then tossed me the bread. The welt on his cheek broke my heart in half. I never truly noticed Peeta before that moment but right then, it kit me like a ton of bricks. This boy just took a beating to feed me. He scrambled back to the bakery without making eye contact before I could even mutter a thank you. I grabbed the bread and ran home. All the while thoughts of what just happened rolling through my mind. Why would he do that? Why didn't he say something? What do I do now? Do I thank him? Do I owe him? And mixed in with all the thoughts a few new ones crept up on me. I just really wanted to thank him by putting some salve on his handsome face. In fact, I brought a bit to school with me the following day to give it to him and say thank you. But every time we met eyes, he turned away. Probably wished he hadn't bothered with me. I felt horrible. I felt like the Seam rat his mother called me. After school I noticed Peeta staring at me again and he gave a slight smile. When I looked away I saw the first sign of Spring. It was a dandelion. I couldn't help but pick it and carry it home with me. Peeta had gotten me through to today and had given me hope that I could make it to my birthday. It was while I was signing up for tesserae that I met Gale for the first time.

Gale was fourteen when we met. He had already been hunting on his own and had found me lurking around by the District fence, willing myself to travel into the woods to hunt. If I got caught, I could be whipped or sentenced to death. He looked at me and motioned for me to follow him in. It took us a while to warm up to each other but we eventually shared our knowledge of the woods, archery, snares and plants. We eventually became confidants and best friends. Things were great for a few years until we both grew up a bit. It was hard not to notice Gale had become a man in that time. The girls all drooled over him and made eyes at him. He was always spending time with me because we were friends. An errant thought or two had crossed my mind that IF I ever did marry, it would probably be Gale that I would marry. Not because I was actually in love with him, but because I did love him as a friend and we could survive well together. It never occurred to me that Gale had developed feelings for me that went above and beyond what I was feeling. He knew how I felt about marriage and children and he never pushed the subject. I was more focused on taking care of Prim and finding our next meal.

After I turned sixteen, my life spiraled out of control. My sister was reaped, and I volunteered to take her place. As I'm standing on the stage processing the entire event, Effie Trinket does the last thing I ever expect. She reaps Peeta Mellark. The entire time my mind is screaming, "No, not the boy with the bread!" He shakes my hand and I instantly feel a kinship with Peeta. It's all too much to process. Before we know it, we've said goodbye to our families and are on the train heading to the Capitol. It isn't until dinner that I truly look at him and notice him. He's gorgeous. I am immediately enamored with his blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin. He looks the exact opposite of me. He's tall and I can see the muscles from his chest after he changes into a t-shirt. I can't believe I'm even thinking this way. We make polite small talk and go about the motions with Haymitch our mentor. The days whirl by in fast forward. We're groomed to be beautiful, paraded around the Capitol in our debut, meeting the other tributes and training and finally interviewing with the strangest man in Panem outside of our President.

I make it through my three minute interview with Caesar Flickerman unscathed but it's Peeta's interview that sends my world upside down. He announces that he's in love with me. All the air escapes from my lungs. How is that even possible? How long? Why hasn't he ever spoken to me? Is this a strategic ploy for the games? No I'm mad. He's got to be lying. There is no way that this boy god is crushing on me enough to tell the world he's in love with me. He can't even look me in the eye! Then the realization hits that it's kill or be killed with Peeta. He's out to kill me. Of course, I mean, it's the Hunger Games! We get into the elevator and I unleash on him. Once the door opens I slam him into a table with a vase. It smashed against the floor and cuts his hands. I'm so irate! Haymitch gets off the other elevator and scolds me. Telling me that Peeta made me look desirable. My head is swimming. I can't think anymore. I need to escape. I start running down the hall. I'm just at my room when Peeta catches up to me and grabs my arm. I spin around and expect him to yell at me. He's breathing heavily and is unusually close, trying to get his bearings. It's then that I see his eyes, the boy with the bread is not lying about his love for me. It's there. I don't know how I could ever not have seen it. Even if I wasn't blown away by all that had just happened, I had already accepted that I could not kill Peeta. I just realized from the look in his azure blue eyes that he was incapable of killing me. This is going to be a huge problem for us. It only takes him a moment to settle down before he lets it all flow. "Katniss, I am so sorry that you had to find out that way. I never meant to hurt you or put you on the spot. I have been trying to work up the nerve to tell you for the last couple of years now and just when I thought that I was ready, we were reaped." Peeta takes a deep breath and continues. "I have been in love with you for forever. I've always been so afraid to approach you. I know you've caught me staring at you many times. Then when I gave you the bread, I finally felt confident enough that I could talk to you and we could be friends. But you never went out of your way to talk to me after that night. It wasn't too long after that when I noticed Gale Hawthorne always with you. I just assumed you were with him and my chance for friendship with you had passed. When you volunteered, my mind was screaming. I thought I was going to die on the spot, right there in the square. When Effie called my name, I started to panic. And then I realized something. I had been such a chicken shit my whole life and didn't talk to you except maybe in passing. And here I was being reaped and sent to slaughter by your side. I made a vow right then. I vowed that I would do everything in my power to send you home to your sister. It was very brave of you for volunteering for her. I know you provide for your family and I admire that about you. When Haymitch coached me for the interviews, he called me out on my feelings. Funny how everyone else can see it except you."

I'm at a loss for words. Peeta is just so good with them. The whole time he's speaking I am zoning in on him and noticing him. He's amazing. He's beautiful, he's strong, he's articulate. I just keep watching his mouth say all of these fabulous things and my heart is hammering away in my chest. I'm not thinking clearly. I'm not in control. When his eloquent voice stops and his breathtaking mouth smiles I do the first impulsive thing I have done in a while. I kiss him. He's startled for a second, only a second. His left arm encircles my waist and his right hand comes up to my neck in a flash. I've never kissed a boy before. I have no idea what I'm doing but this doesn't feel unpracticed at all. I am on fire. Something about this boy has struck a nerve and lit a match. I cannot get enough of him. When we finally pull away from each other, I have to face what I have done. Tomorrow we are going into the Hunger Games. Only one of us is going to come out alive. And for the first time, I'm hoping that it's him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

In the morning I wake up and dress for the arena with Cinna, my stylist. As I am about to step onto the podium for launch when Cinna whispers in my ear. "I'm not supposed to tell you this but please, have faith in Peeta. Good luck girl on fire. I'm betting on you." I'm blown away. What does that mean? The gong goes off and we're all in motion. I look behind me after grabbing a backpack and Peeta is still at the Cornucopia. I silently pray that he'll get out of there and find me. The next few days are filled with the most intense fear and carnage. I'm a complete disaster. To sum it up, I've now realized Peeta has aligned with the Careers, I've made allies with Rue, dropped a tracker jacker nest on the Careers and Peeta while they were staking out my tree, discovered Peeta aligned with them to protect me, watched Marvel kill Rue and now the Gamemakers have really gone and changed things up. They announce that for the first time ever, two tributes from the same District can win together. I am now in a mad dash to find Peeta and get the hell out of these games.

Before I can control myself, I yell out his name. Hoping nobody heard me, I start combing the forest looking for Peeta. I'd been walking for a few hours when I hear him say "come to finish me off, sweetheart?" I don't see him. Where is this boy? I already know he's not stealthy and can't climb a tree. Then he chuckles and says "don't step on me." I look down and can't believe my eyes. He camouflaged himself in forest debris and mud! "Peeta, blink your eyes!" He does and I am still floored. Amazing. I totally would have stepped on him. As we catch up I discover that Cato severely injured his leg and he cannot walk. I start dragging him to the stream to clean him up. What a nightmare, this boy weighs a ton! I realize that to wash him, there's going to be some clothing removal. I have never seen a boy without clothing before, not even Gale. I remove his shirt and begin to douse him with water. I have got to get some of the mud off of him. When I finally have his blonde curls coming back from brown, I am ready to put some salve on him. It's right then that I notice just how attractive his is. Peeta has muscles, and not just a few. They're everywhere and impossible not to notice. It's at that moment that he whispers in my ear that I should feel free to kiss him anytime since we're star-crossed lovers. If he didn't open his mouth, I probably would have gotten to doing just that all on my own. I put the burn ointment on the tracker jacker stings and burns from the fire. Peeta immediately feels better. Now onto his leg. I'm able to remove his pants without inflicting too much bodily harm. He's caked in blood and it's difficult to see the majority of the injury because of it. His underwear is dried to the cut. What am I going to do now? I've got this gorgeous, half naked teenage boy whose in love with me, waiting for me to tend to his wound. I've got to take his boxers off. I can't breathe. I've never seen a boy with his shirt off, much less completely naked. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself and put myself into survival mode.

"Peeta, I have to take your boxers off to fully clean the cut. Here, cover yourself with this backpack while I clean them off and fix you up." Peeta smiles wide and chuckles, "I don't care if you see me Katniss." He is trying my patience. "I do. Damn, you're just like the rest of my family. No shame at all." I turn my back to him and he removes his boxers. When I turn around, the backpack is strategically placed on his loins. I laugh, we are so ridiculous. I clean his boxers and set them on the rock to dry. I begin working on the cut. I chew up some leaves to help drain the infection out. After a few tries with that, I put some ointment on it. I don't have any supplies and I really don't know what I'm doing. I lean in close to put my forehead to his, checking for fever and he steals a kiss. I don't know what to say. I hand him two pills for his fever and move onto my next thought. "Peeta, I don't really have any other supplies out here. I'm not sure what else to do." Peeta responds, "so you'll just bandage it up and we'll hope it gets better?" "I think that's all we can do for now at least. We need to get out of here and find some shelter. It will be dark soon and the Careers will be looking for us." He agrees with me and off we go in search of shelter. It's not too long before we find the cave.

The Cave. The defining turning point in my relationship with Peeta. That's where the lines get blurry and I start crisscrossing all over them. The first day in the cave is pretty uneventful. Peeta sleeps most of the time and I spend my time staring at his body. I am wildly curious about him. I keep staring at his hands, wondering what they would feel like on my face. On my body. Stop Katniss! Boys lead to intimacy and intimacy leads to children. After I take a deep breath and try to clear my thoughts, I'm left staring at Peeta some more. It's not like there's anything to do anyway. Space is limited and I am cold. He's already in the sleeping bag. Would he notice is I snuggle up to him in it? He's out cold so I go for it. Peeta's fever is keeping him under and he doesn't notice that I am holding him. I love the sound of his heartbeat. It lulls me right to sleep and I'm able to rest for a few hours. When I wake up, I realize that we both need to eat and he needs more pills for his fever. I try to stir him but he just begins moaning my name in his sleep. He's so cute. I lean over and put my lips on his. His blue eyes open and find mine. I break away and say, "hey sleepy head. Time to eat and take some medicine." Peeta responds, "not hungry but I'll take another kiss." I give him a peck and then try to get him to eat some groosling. He's not having it. He starts to awaken fully and begins striking up conversation. It's so nice to hear his deep masculine voice instead of my internal monologue for a change.

He asks me to tell him a story. I find that amusing so I go into my big rendition of how I came to purchase Lady, Prim's goat. It's a cute little story and it makes him smile. Then it's my turn. No time to back down now since my curiosity is so obviously peaked staring at this boy and his blue eyes. I muster up a little bit of courage and begin. "Peeta, you said during your interview that you've loved me for forever. When exactly did forever start?" He inhales all the oxygen in the cave and then lets it out. He begins to tell me about our first day of school and how his father pointed me out to him. That his father wanted to marry my mother but she ran off with my father, a coal miner. When he asked why, his father responded "because when he sings, even the birds stop to listen." He then describes me in perfect detail. My dress, my hair, my smile. During music assembly the teacher asked for volunteers to sing the Valley Song. My hand shot right up and I hopped onto the stage stool to sing. "When you began the song, I swear every bird outside stopped to listen. I knew right then and there, that just like your mother, I was a goner." Peeta says. I am shocked. His face is so sincere and handsome. I'm noticing so much about him. It's unnerving. I don't know what to do and what I do next is complete impulse. I lean in to kiss him.

His lips touch mine and I swear I lose myself. We are not in these games, we are not struggling to survive. It's just Peeta and I in the very moment, frozen in time. His warm hands find my face and move a strand of hair out of my eyes. His lips are back on mine then and this time, he deepens the kiss. He parts my lips and I feel his tongue slide inside my mouth and begins to rub mine. I am lost. I have never felt so alive and wild. I place my hands behind his head and run my fingers through his hair. He moans in pleasure and pulls me closer to him. I'm about to pull him over me when I hear the anthem play. I pull myself away and make my way to the mouth of the cave. I'm panting, trying to get my bearings when I see the days losses and find a silver parachute falling into my hands. I open it and discover soup. I bring it back to Peeta and he won't eat it. I check his wound and find it's getting worse.

Claudius Templesmith comes over the microphone and invites us to a feast tomorrow, promising that there will be treasures we all need there. I look at Peeta's leg and know what I must do. He pulls me to him and makes me sleep in the bag with him. The following day Peeta's leg is looking atrocious. When I explain that I'm going to go to the feast, he balks and says he can hold on until the games are over. We both know he's got blood poisoning and he doesn't have much longer. We're having a bit of a lovers quarrel when I step outside for some fresh air. Down comes a tiny silver parachute again. I open it and examine the small vile. I dab a tiny bit on my finger and taste it: sleep syrup. Thinking I need to give Haymitch a kiss of his own, I pick some berries and douse the syrup on it, mashing it up. I make my way back inside." I have a special treat for you", I coo. Peeta raises an eyebrow and I begin feeding him the mixture. "Wow, they're really sweet. What are they?" I respond, "they're sugar berries. My mother uses them all the time." He contemplates it while taking another bite. "Sugar berries? They almost taste like syrup." It's right then, while taking the last bite, that his eyes go wide and he tries to spit out what's left in his mouth. I hold his mouth and nose closed and pray sleep overtakes him. It does. I feel like a monster. I lay him down and give him a long kiss on his lips and rub his cheek. "I'll be back soon, I promise", I whisper in his ear.

The feast is a disaster. By the end, Clove was dead, Thresh let me go because I saved Rue and now Cato and Thresh were battling. I managed to escape without injury, thanks to Thresh. I get back to the cave, exhausted from my round with Clove, and stick the medicinal needle in Peeta's arm before collapsing next to him. When I wake up, I see his blue eyes first thing. He's got my head in his lap and he's stroking my face and arms. I'm in the sleeping bag and my wet clothes have been removed. Was Peeta checking me out while I slept? I blush just thinking of the thought. Peeta smiles and says, "hey there. It's good to see your eyes again." I can't agree more but keep that thought to myself. I sit up and realize that I'm starving. We eat the remaining groosling, soup and some dried fruit. He looks amazing. He can't stop smiling at me so it's making me blush and smile back. He begins with a new conversation.

"Pretty soon we'll be out of here and heading back to District Twelve. It'll be wonderful to get back. Your family will be thrilled to have you back home." I reply, "so will yours. I bet your brothers and parents miss you terribly. And Delly too..." He looks at me. "Delly? Delly is my oldest friend. I've been in love with you since I was five years old Katniss. I don't have a girlfriend. What about you? I've seen you around with Gale." I breath in and respond. "Gale's my best friend. It's not like that with him." He contemplates what I've said and replies, "well that's good to know. It's not like I have much competition here." My breath hitches in my throat and I say, "you don't have much competition anywhere." The words barely leave my mouth when he's got his hands on my face and neck and he's kissing me. Right where we left off last time. All of the sudden, the cave feels unusually warm and we're sweating. I'm lost in Peeta. My hands are all over him. His hair, his face, his neck, back and chest. His hands are exploring me as well. He hasn't touched my chest yet but I can tell he's working up the nerve. The need in my body is overpowering me. It's like I am incapable of rational thought. It's so hot in the cave that something has to give. Peeta takes his shirt off and I'm giddy with want for him. He's like a god. I can feel every muscle and line all over him. He's pressed up against my body and I feel him harden against my most private part. I have no idea what is going on with my body but I love it. He's just kissing me fiercely and stroking my skin and rubbing against me. My loins are throbbing. I'm about to take my shirt off, it's completely drenched with sweat when a rational thought hits me. Why the hell is this cave so hot? Then it dawns on me: the Gamemakers! I have to stop us. We are not alone. All of Panem is watching us grope each other. I bring my lips to Peeta's ear and whisper so softly "Peeta, I am so sorry but we have to stop. Everyone can see us. The Gamemakers turned up the heat in this cave. Never mind the heat we feel added to it." He takes a very deep breath, kisses my ear and whispers "you're right. This is not the time nor place. But I enjoyed every second of it." I give him a kiss then and smile. He knows I did too. We snuggle up together and get some sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The following day, the Gamemakers herd us all back to the Cornucopia for the final battle. Thresh is dead by Cato's hand and it's just the three of us left. After a grueling battle with Cato and some mutts resembling our fallen tributes, it comes down to Peeta and I. The hovercraft does not come to bring us home. Claudius Templesmith then makes an announcement that after further review of the rule book, there can only be one winner of the Hunger Games. Peeta and I look at each other. He's going to bleed out right here from his latest wounds. I had fashioned a tourniquet prior to killing Cato but he doesn't have much longer. We begin to argue about who should go home. We both have family, friends, and a life to get back to. But Peeta is persistent, saying that without me, he doesn't want to live. That a life without me isn't worth living. My heart melts. I don't know what to say. But deep down, I agree with him. After being with him, kissing him, breathing him in, I can't live without him either. I walk away and make my way to the lake. He grabs me from behind and kisses me. I'm all over him. What a conundrum this is! When I open my eyes, I spot the bush over his left shoulder. I lead him over to it and bend down to smell it. Yes, it's definitely Nightlock. Peeta looks at me. "Peeta, do you know what this berry is?" He shakes his head. I continue. "It's called Nightlock. One taste and the juice kills you before it even hits your stomach." He looks at me and moves me away from it. "Katniss, they need to have a Victor. It has to be you. I'll eat the berries and you can go home." I shake my head. "It's not that simple anymore Peeta. I don't ever want to be without you. This is all your fault you know. Falling in love with me when you were five years old. Sorry it took me eleven years longer." Peeta stops breathing. I can't believe what just came out of my mouth but it's true, so true. I cannot go home without him.

My mother and Prim will understand. My mother knows what it's like to lose someone you're madly in love with. I cannot deny this feeling. He bends down and kisses me again. Once again, I'm falling to pieces in his arms. He breaks the kiss and picks a handful of the berries. I watch him and pick my own handful. I put my hand on his face and hold it there. He grabs me by the waist and nuzzles his face in my hair, breathing it in. When he pulls back, I say it. "On the count of three?" "Yes, he whispers." "One, two, ...three". "STOP!" yells Claudius. We spit the berries out at the same time and wash our mouths out with water while Claudius is announcing us both as Victor's of the 74th Hunger Games. The hovercraft picks us up and they immediately cart Peeta away from me. I'm screaming and thrashing before Haymitch grabs me and I go black.

After Peeta and I are reunited in front of the Capital, we begin to make our way home. On a stop to refuel the train, Peeta and I walk outside and an awkward conversation comes up. It's my fault. I wasn't very clear, now that I look back on it. I inadvertently make it appear that I have less than platonic feelings for Gale. Peeta takes it all wrong and storms inside. After a few hours of isolation, Peeta emerges from his room and Haymitch sits us down to discuss what happened. I explain what I meant to say to Peeta and I can see that his mood immediately begins to brighten. Haymitch then looks at the two of us and stuns us. "Look me in the eyes you two. You can never be without each other from now on. I'm glad this kid Gale isn't a threat and I'm glad you don't have the hots for anyone else Peeta. Cause let me tell you two, that little stunt with the berries is going to cost you both." We look at him in confusion and he continues. "This is the first time in Hunger Games history that there are two Victors. The lovers suicide with the berries was seen as an act of rebellion on the Capitol and their Games. Now of course, the citizens of Panem just ate the two of you up and got swept away in your love story but the politicians, well they're pretty pissed off. Have you ever wondered why you don't see other Victor's with their spouses, like ever?" We nod that we don't know and he goes on. "That's because the Capitol threatens to kill all of our family members, close friends and significant others so they have full control over the Victors. You see, they sell us to the highest bidder."

My eyes widen and Peeta asks "sell us for what Haymitch?" Haymitch hangs his head and replies, "sex, Peeta. They sell us for sex. Capitol citizens pay tons of money to sleep with teenage boys and girls. The more attractive you are, the higher the price. I hear the price for a night with Katniss is near a quarter million mark right now. And your price isn't too far behind that either boy. Are you still a virgin Katniss? Bet that would fetch half a million." Peeta gets up and punches Haymitch in the face. Haymitch grunts and yells for him to sit down. "Like it or not, this is reality. They're going to lose a fortune on the two of you because nobody wants to break up the happy couple. If I were you, I would start planning the wedding. The sooner you're married, virtue gone, you'll be less desirable to the Capitol. The cameras will go home and whatever rebellion stirring among Panem will dissipate. Make President Snow believe you, because he doesn't yet. If you two ever break up, hell is going to freeze over." He gets up and walks away with his flask. When Haymitch is gone, Peeta scoops me into his arms and holds me close until the trains arrives in District Twelve.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

That first month back home was a huge adjustment. There were cameras everywhere. My family moved from the Seam to the Victor's Village. Peeta moved too but his family chose to remain living above the bakery. Gale and I began to resume our friendship and hunting. But things were a bit off. I felt something brewing. We were all struggling to return to some kind of normalcy. I didn't spend every waking moment with Peeta. He baked, I hunted. He also began painting. As it turns out he was an amazing artist. I saw him for meals and some stolen moments but it wasn't like in the games or on the train. There were too many people in the picture now.

It was after a few months back , on a Sunday afternoon in the woods with Gale when it happened. He confronted me about the Games and everything about Peeta. He didn't believe that I was falling in love with Peeta. He kept repeating that I was supposed to be with him instead. That we were both from the Seam and that he had been in love with me since shortly after we had met. I didn't know what to say but I had to be honest. "Gale, I'm not going to lie and say that I never thought that I would marry you, if I allowed myself to marry at all, but it would have been a marriage born out of friendship and companionship and nothing more. I'm sorry but I am not in love with you. I love you like my dearest friend, a family member. I'm so sorry if I ever gave you the impression that we were something other than friends." Right then he took me in his arms and kissed me. He was so soft and gentle, my best friend Gale. It's not as if the kiss was unpleasant but I did not feel like I did for Peeta. I knew then that I had already made up my mind about Peeta. He was definitely the one. I removed Gale's arms from my waist and made my way to the fence and back to Peeta.

When I got to the village, there was an air about the place. My mother was tense and motioned for me to go into the study. When I opened the door, President Snow was there with Peeta. On a small television screen was a loop of Gale and I kissing. Peeta was furious and heartbroken. President Snow chuckled some snide comment about young love and owning us. He ordered us to be more convincing while on the Victory Tour, in an attempt to squash rebellious undertones among the Districts. That was going to be easier said than done the way Peeta looked at this moment. Snow smiled and gave me a white rose before leaving the study. Peeta looked up at me, shook his head and left my house. He avoided me for two months. I cried to myself for the first few weeks and then closed myself off. He wanted me, he made me fall in love with him, then he discarded me.

The Victory Tour rolls around and I'm forced to play a part now. Where it was real in my Games, now it is like torture. I still have feelings for Peeta but I am not going to act on them outside of a camera. I cannot let this boy sway me again. As long as my family is alive, I will be fine. We go on the tour and smile and kiss for the cameras. We eventually put some of our differences aside and become friends again. He appears to not be so wounded from the kiss with Gale. I think things are going well but Haymitch informs us that we are not convincing enough.

On the last night of the tour, the announcement for the 75th Hunger Games Quarter Quell comes. It is determined that the tributes for these special games will be reaped from the existing surviving victors. I fall to the ground but Peeta catches me before I hit it. I'm going back in! How could this happen? And then it occurs to me that it's either Peeta or Haymitch that must go in with me, with the other remaining as mentor. I can't lose him. I can't lose him. I can't lose him. Just when I thought that we were on the right track again. Peeta stands up straight and tells Haymitch that he's going in with me. Everyone is arguing, yelling, ranting about protecting the other. But in the end, I know it's Peeta going in with me and this time one of us is really going to die. It can't be him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is where it starts to heat up! Thanks for reading!**

**Chapter 5**

I sit on my porch swing, letting the days events mull over in my mind. The sun is setting and its final rays of the day feel lovely on my skin. I am so confused. I have no idea how I let myself get to this point. I glance over at Peeta's house and there's a couple of lights on. I smell something sweet in the oven. I wonder if he's baking cookies. He leaves a few for my family when he bakes but he basically avoids me like the plague. I find my gaze on Haymitch's house and he's got a light on too. His house is filthy and it stinks like rubbage. I'm so lonely and conflicted right now, I'd stoop that low for some companionship. I don't even bother to knock on his door and just let myself right in. He happens to be up and finishing some stew. He nods at me and says "hey there. How are you doing?" "Not too good", I respond. He smiles and beckons me to the table he's sitting at and motions to the bottle of white liquor.

"You look like you could use a drink." I think about it for a moment and grab a glass from the cupboard. Haymitch puts the equivalent of a shot in the glass and then puts an equal amount in his. He smiles again, picks up an old deck of cards and then grabs his glass. "Lets play a little game, shall we?"

I have no idea what the hell he's talking about but right then, Peeta walks in the door. "Ah, Peeta my friend, come join us for a little drink" Haymitch cackles. Peeta raises an eyebrow and says "with the day I've had, why not. It's not like I'm going to sleep tonight. May as well try to knock myself out." I have a feeling the stakes in this game just shot through the roof. We begin playing Black or Red. I'm Black, Peeta's Red, Haymitch is the dealer and says he's going to take a shot every single time we lose so he'll be cocked out of his mind. Peeta and I look at each other and just roll our eyes.

When Haymitch throws every third card down, if it's our color, we are safe and don't have to take a shot. If it's not, bottoms up. Haymitch feels it would be slightly more interesting that the rounds "winner" gets to ask the "loser" (the drinker) a question that we MUST answer honestly. Course I realize I'm going to be drunk and will probably do that all on my own. Haymitch shuffles the cards and puts down the third one, it's red. Shit! I was hoping the odds would be at least slightly in my favor. Peeta smiles. Haymitch decides to break the ice, looks at me and says "Katniss, are you hot for Peeta?" "Haymitch!" We both yell at him. "Just giving you an example of what kind of questions I'm looking for you two. Get it all out in the open while we down the liquid courage." I shake my head and turn beet red. Haymitch starts to mutter another question when Peeta interrupts and says "no Haymitch, I want her to answer this one." I CAN'T BREATHE. I have no idea what to say so I just suck it up, beet red down to my toes, mutter "Yes" and then down my shot. Peeta smiles wide and then Haymitch says "hell yeah, now we got a good game here!"

Three more cards later and it's frigging red again. Peeta's all enthusiastic about playing this game now and he asks me "Have you been hot for me a long time now?" "Yes", I reply and down the shot. Three more cards, red again. I can already feel the booze making me warm. Peeta is in his absolute glory. "If we didn't come to our senses in the cave, would you have gone father?" "Yes", there goes my third shot. Three more cards, Haymitch has had three shots too now. Black! Finally I'm safe for a couple of minutes. Peeta looks at me, he knows I'm going to embarrass him now. "Are you a virgin Peeta?", I ask. He turns just as red as I am and answers "Yes" before downing his shot. Haymitch is clapping his hands like it's the funniest thing he's heard all year. "You're so sad Peeta. Waiting for Katniss I bet. You idiot." Peeta's not liking the attention on him now and instructs Haymitch to deal. Of course it's red again. Peeta beams and asks "Katniss, are you a virgin?" "Yes, and I will be until the day I die", then I down my shot. The smug look on Peeta's face falls off and Haymitch looks like he's having the time of his life. I am totally feeling the buzz now. Is it hot in here?

Three more cards, black. I am too buzzed for this game already and I'm getting brazen now. "Peeta, do you WANT me? I'd bet Prim's goat that you're rock hard under this table." Peeta blushes uncontrollably and replies softly "Yes" before taking the shot. This game is going to go on for a while. Haymitch isn't even close to being off his rocker and he is enjoying this far too much. Three more cards, black. Finally some luck! "Peeta, have you ever...touched yourself and thought of me while doing it?" I swear he's redder than I am and I am so enjoying this now. "Yes" he responds and down goes the shot. We're four/three now. I am so frigging hot from the white liquor. Without thinking I pull off my shirt to reveal my skimpy camisole underneath. Peeta inhales and stares at me, or rather my breasts. He's such a boy, man, whatever the hell he is.

Haymitch deals, seven shots and he's still kicking. Black. I love Haymitch. I think he's rigging this game because he's loving Peeta's discomfort. "Have you ever really touched a girl Peeta? Like, down below?" Peeta's starting to buzz now, downs the shot and smirks "only you Katniss." I get up and slap his face. Haymitch grabs me and I start yelling. "He's a filthy liar Haymitch, I never got that far with him and let him touch me there in the cave!" Peeta and all his damn beautiful muscles hulk tower over me and he responds "Didn't say you were awake for it love. The first night in the cave I woke up to find you all over me in the sleeping bag. You were moaning my name in your sleep and I can't help it if I was turned on. I ran my hands along your body for a few moments before I realized I was taking advantage of you. I didn't go into your pants or anything but I would have been lying if I said I didn't rub the outside." Haymitch breaks the tension by saying, "Peeta that is wrong on so many levels but it's not like I never copped a feel so just apologize and sit down." Peeta apologizes. I could shoot his eye out with my arrows and not even feel remotely guilty. I'm upping the stakes now. This means war.

I grab a full bottle of white liquor, the cards out of his hands and say goodnight to Haymitch and march my way over to Peeta's house. He's on my heels in a second. This is going to be a very long game indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Peeta is right behind me when I get inside his house to the coffee table. "Light a fire Peeta because I'm determined to outlast you tonight." "What are you doing Katniss? We're both half in the bag. Let's just let this go. Haymitch just wanted to get a rise out of us so that we would finally talk to each other." I breathe in, "that's so not the point anymore. You're right, I'm buzzing, but I'm finally starting to enjoy the truths spilling forward. I've got more questions, so start a fire and have a seat." He does and sits down. He thinks, "You know we're both even now, four/four." I did realize this beforehand. Peeta is much larger than me and can probably tolerate all of the liquor much better than me. The goal is to get more info out of him and try not to pass out before he does. He stops me before I can start and says to me "Hey Katniss, have you ever played the card game War before? I used to play it with my brothers before the Games." I nod my head no. Peeta continues " well, I think we've gotten a few answers out of each other tonight but how about we up the stakes a bit?" I'm intrigued. "What do you have in mind?", I reply. " Well, the concept is the same. We each have cards, put one down at a time each and whomever has the higher number wins. However, I'm making a new proposal to really get this game rolling. The winner of the round gets a choice to pick for the loser: down the shot or remove a piece of clothing." My breath hitches.

I have never been naked in front of a boy before, much less one that got me going like Peeta, but this was bound to be a disaster. If I wasn't so buzzed already, I probably would have excused myself and gone home. But I just wanted to win and make him squirm. "You're on", I reply. He looks like he struck gold. Dirty filthy teenage boy. Round one, I win. "Shot", I say. Round two, I win again. "Shot". Round three, I win yet again. "Shot". If I keep getting lucky I can get him so drunk before he's got me naked. Round four, he wins. Shit! "Camisole" he says. I am in my bra now in front a Peeta Mellark. He eyes bug out. "Never seen a girl in her bra before Peeta?" "No Katniss. And I've been wanting to see you in yours for a very long time. I am so enjoying tonight." He's so smug. Round five, I win. "Shirt, Mellark". He takes off his shirt and it's my turn to look dazed. He's got more muscles and ripples than I even remembered from before. He is a god. Deep breaths, deep breaths. He smiles. He knows he has an effect on me. Round six, he wins. "Pants Everdeen." I remove my pants and I'm sitting on Peeta's couch in my bra and panties. He's only got two more options before I'm naked or he has mercy and makes me drink. Round seven, I win. "Pants." He smiles and removes them. Round eight, he wins. I inhale and he says "shot".

I don't think I heard him right. I down the shot and he smiles. "Why did you give me the shot?" , I ask. He just smiles and says "don't worry, I'm just warming up. You need a few more shots in you for what I have planned." I am so frigging screwed. He is in his element and is determined to be the Victor tonight. He's so damn hot he makes me sick. Round nine, he wins again. "Shot" he says. I'm drunk now. No turning back now. Round ten, I win. "Boxers Peeta". I just totally upped the stakes. He takes his boxers off and I am gawking at a very gorgeous, very naked, very erect Peeta Mellark. He looks so powerful. I am warm and fuzzy all over. My natural instincts are screaming to take over and throw myself into his arms. He is just not drunk enough. Round eleven, he wins. "Bra". I unhook it and his breath catches. He's just staring at me with complete awe. Round twelve, he wins, of course. "Panties". There they go onto the floor. I'm hotter than hell with him staring at me. He has complete love and lust written all over him. I don't think I can keep myself still for much longer. Round thirteen, I win. "Kiss me", I say breathlessly. He's out of his seat before I even blink.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Peeta is on me in a flash. His lips are all over mine and it only takes a moment before he deepens the kiss and I feel his tongue touching mine. He tastes amazing. Like bread and cinnamon and sugar. His hand are exploring but despite the fact that we're both completely naked, he's really not taking advantage of the situation. He knows we're both drunk. He knows we should both stop before things are too far out of control. I'm thinking that I need to break the kiss and bring us down from this high when he does the one thing I certainly wasn't expecting. He rubs his hand inside my thighs and strokes my most intimate area. My breath hitches and I let out a moan. He takes that as encouragement and rubs his finger against my clitoris. That's it, I'm a goner. I feel a rush of fluid and I swear I have no idea what the hell just happened. He's kissing my face, my neck, my breasts. My hands are all over him. Exploring every inch of him. He feels amazing under my fingers. I have never felt more alive than I do right now.

I'm trying to be coherent when he continues his magic with his fingers and then all at once I feel his finger inside me. He moans out loud , never breaking his kisses. I swear we're going to drop dead from lack of oxygen. He's moving his finger in and out of me and I am absolutely on fire. I'm going to lose my virginity in about five minutes if I don't drag myself off of this couch and get home. I don't even have five minutes. Peeta stops with his fingers and then puts one in his mouth to suck on it and says that I'm delicious. I'm a wreck. I am so hot for him that I'm not going anywhere. I don't think I could ever stop my heart from beating so fast. I'm going to marry this boy no matter what. We are in love with each other and we're a mess without each other. There's no point denying the obvious. Peeta looks me in the eyes, full of love and lust and wonder and I just smile at him. He knows too. He's fully on top of me now and he looks at me for permission. I kiss him deeply and spread my legs wider to accommodate him. He pushes inside me.

We both catch our breath and stop. Letting the realization of how for we've gone wash over us. He waits for me to adjust to him. When the pain subsides, he slips out of me. I am warm all over. He slides back into me and waits again, pushing only slightly further this time. The pain is ebbing away. He repeats the motion, pushing all the way in. He breaks my hymen on his third push. It takes a moment for the sting to subside but then I just refocus on Peeta. He feels so good inside of me, like he was made especially for me. He's warm, kind, loving. Whispering that he loves me in my ear. His pace quickens a bit as he's thrusting further into me. All of the sudden, I constrict and I feel the most euphoric feeling ever and I lose myself completely in the moment. Whatever happened makes Peeta wild because he thrusts harder and loses himself inside me. He collapses on top of me but doesn't pull out. He just kisses my face all over, rubbing his fingers all over my face and collarbone, telling me he loves me, apologizing if he hurt me. Telling me that he will never let me go and that his heart belongs to me. Then he asks me breathlessly, "Katniss, will you marry me?" I smile and say "yes". We fall asleep in each others arms.

"What the hell is this?" Haymitch bellows. I open my eyes and try to process where I am. I look down and notice I"m naked, wrapped in sheets and Peeta is obviously naked beside me. It all comes back to me. Black or Red, the shots, the War game, the lovemaking, the proposal. How did all of that happen in one night? Haymitch is beside himself and he doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Peeta is at a loss for words and then says "Haymitch, you wanted us to talk to each other." He mimics Peeta and then says "Peeta, I wanted you to talk to her and forgive her, not take her to your bed all in one night. It's not like I didn't want you two to get together but you do realize that we have to deal with the Quarter Quell now. Now it's not just the two of you being lovey dovey for the cameras and getting married. That was before the Quell. No,you two have gone and consummated your relationship without thought as to how you'd survive if the other one dies in the Quell." Peeta and I look at each other and hold hands.

Haymitch continues and directs his question to Peeta. "Please tell me you used protection." Peeta doesn't look him in the eye. Haymitch is furious. "What? Did you at least pull out?" Peeta and I are both blushing. Peeta finally finds his voice. "It all kinda happened fast Haymitch. We didn't mean for it to happen or to be irresponsible." Haymitch takes a deep breath and then speaks. "Get up, get showered get dressed and get downstairs. We have to figure out what to do about this Quell. Katniss, go see your mother immediately, I'll take care of the rest." Peeta and I did as we were told. When I got to my house, my mother was waiting for me with a blue vial in her hand. She told me to drink it down. I couldn't look her in the eye. She grabbed my head and forced me to meet her eyes. "It's okay baby. People do things without thinking when they're in love. I'm not mad at you." Then she envelopes me in a hug and I feel so much better. I head upstairs to shower and remove my clothes. I'm waiting for the water when I notice my body in the mirror. It dawns on me that I feel different, mature in some small way. I feel special, loved, important. I feel sexy and beautiful. Peeta made me feel all of those things. Changed me in a beautiful way. I can't wait to get dressed and get back to him. Quell or no Quell, I am in love with Peeta Mellark.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the feedback and alerts. Appreciate it so much! Enjoy!**

**Kind of a filler but its going to speed up a bit in Chapter 9. **

**Chapter 8**

I take my time in the shower, soaking up the heat from the water. After bathing, I realize that I'm a bit sore from the nights activities but I still feel amazing. I think about what Haymitch said, about the Quell and about us being irresponsible last night. I know that my mother gave me one of her concoctions that helps prevent pregnancy. For the first time in my life, I imagine myself having a family of my own. I imagine children with Peeta's blonde curls and blue eyes. Running around outside with us in the forest. It's a soothing thought. Not one that would normally make me skittish. I know that it's impractical to start doubting my long held beliefs, but there's just something about Peeta that makes me doubt everything lately.

I get dressed and scurry downstairs to eat some breakfast. I make a cup of tea and butter a slice of bread. Prim is outside milking Lady and my mother is waiting for me at the table. This is a bit awkward. I love my mother, always have. But there are some things that I cannot forgive or forget from the past several years. I know that she's been more of a parent lately and she's really been trying to hold the family together, but this still feels strange. She motions for me to join her and I do. Knowing that there are just some things that a girl needs her mother for. She begins by smiling at me and then she starts. "So, you and Peeta, huh?" "Yes" I reply. Mother continues, "well, Peeta is a very charming young man and even a blind man could see he's hopelessly in love with you. He would take very good care of you. I know you don't need financial support and you can also hunt, but he would always protect you and be there for you. You seem happy. Are you? I just want to make sure you're okay."

I'm taken aback by the sweet way she presents her observations. I guess I just never thought that my mother cared much. It didn't seem like she was paying much attention to me, to Prim or anything going on around her for that matter. It felt good to just have this conversation with her. Like we were reconnecting on some level. I smile at her and lean over to give her a hug. "It's good to have you back Mother. I have really missed you. Please don't leave us again." My mother hugs me tights and responds, "I'm not going anywhere again Katniss. I'm sorry that I let you and Primrose down before. I was in a very bad place. A place I never imagined existed. Losing your father damn near killed me but I swear I won't ever go that dark again. I give you my word." I nod my head and just hug her tighter.

As we're finishing up our conversation, there's a soft knock on the front door and then Peeta pushes it open. I'm glad it's him. I'm also glad that after so long with us not speaking, that he immediately reverted back to our comfortable ways of coming and going to each others houses. My home is his home. I know that my feelings for Peeta are from the purest love, but even if I wasn't in love with him, he is family now. You can't go through such a life changing event as the Hunger Games and not feel connected to those that saved you. Peeta, Haymitch and I are family now. We have to protect each other like all families do. Peeta comes in and makes his way over to the table. He smells awesome. He's got this combination of fresh baked goods and musk going on. You would think the two fragrances would class but they just work for him.

Peeta puts down a basket of cheese buns on the table and smiles at me. He knows these are my favorite. I grab a bun and start picking it apart, savoring the warmth in my mouth. I am such a suck for fresh baked goods. My mother notices that we are fairly quiet and suddenly say "If you'll excuse me, I need to head into town for a few items. Peeta, do you need anything while I am there?" "Peeta replies, "No thank you Mrs. Everdeen, I have everything I need right here." When she turns for the door, Peeta winks at me and smile. As soon as the door clicks, I am in his arms. His lips are softly kissing mine and his kisses travel down to my collarbone. I'm trailing kisses across his cheek and begin sucking on his earlobe when the door opens and Prim walks in. We pull apart in a flash. "I just need my coat. I'm taking the walk with Mother. You owe me a candy Mother", she yells out the door. I walk over to her and help her button up her jacket. "Why does mother owe you a candy Prim?" , I ask. Prim smiles and laughs. "She said you wouldn't be crazy enough to make out with Peeta while your mother was just outside the door but I begged to differ. I won. Oh, by the way, she is so not leaving you two alone unsupervised again. I would say enjoy the time together while we walk to town but your buddy Haymitch is on his way over. Ta ta for now!" She blows me a kiss and is out the door just as Haymitch walks in.

Haymitch crosses to the table and sits down. "Sit, both of you" he bellows. He looks like her somewhat sober. Then he begins. "First of all, I think I aged ten years seeing you two this morning. It was the last thing I expected to find. Two, it better not happen again unless you're using protection." Haymitch slaps Peeta across the back of his head., then continues. "Third, we have a problem with this Quarter Quell. Katniss, you inevitably have to go back in. There is nothing I can do to spare you that. I'm sorry. Peeta, I want to go in with her. You need to mentor us." Peeta is in an uproar immediately. "Haymitch, I have to go in with her. I can't sit in the game room while she's in the arena. There's no possible way I could make it through something like that. If you're reaped, I'm going to volunteer. I'm asking you to be quiet if I am reaped and let me go with her. You've had twenty five years of mentoring and you're much more valuable to us on the outside. I need you to do this for me."

Haymitch hangs his head and looks at me. He's reading my thoughts. He knows that I can't live without Peeta. He knows that Peeta isn't going to survive without me. It's like Haymitch is looking straight into my eyes when he begins to tell us the story about his games. He tells us how he was a fellow tribute with Maysilee Donner, my friend Madge's aunt. He tells us about how she was really beautiful and sweet and had such a charming personality. Haymitch admits to being a a smug jerk at times but says he was nervous around her. Haymitch had a girlfriend and family left behind in District Twelve but he couldn't deny that he cared for Maysilee. They eventually became allies but split up when there was only a couple of more tributes left. When she was walking away, he spun her around to kiss her. Although he cared for his girl back home, there was something about Maysilee that was special. If they had both been able to make it home, he knows he would have married her. He couldn't get her out of his mind. After the sweet kiss ended, she headed into the trees. He heard her scream then, and the horror of the birds. They had ripped her throat out. He made it to her and held her hand. Kissing her face as she struggled for breath. He gave her a kiss on her cheek and she whispered "thank you" before she died. It was by pure luck that he made it to the force field and outlasted the final tribute to win the games.

Katniss and Peeta stare at him. Haymitch has never said this many words to them at one time. Haymitch continues" I know what it's like to lose someone you love to these games, To watch them die right before your eyes. It's a feeling, a nightmare, that always haunts you. You cannot escape it. I've tried for the past twenty five years. And even as drunk as I'm able to get. I still see Maysilee in every single thought. If you go in with her and she dies, you'll never forgive yourself, and vice versa. I'm begging you to let me go in for you. I will bring her home to you, I swear it." Peeta looks at me and I stare into his blue orbs. I know Haymitch is right. He doesn't care if he lives so long as he brings one of us home to the other. For twenty five years Haymitch has been looking for redemption. I nod to Peeta and he sighs and says "Okay Haymitch, deal. But if you get out and Katniss doesn't, I'm going to kill you myself." "I'm counting on it" Haymitch replies, and then gives me a hug.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! So humbling!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 9**

That night, Peeta invites me to stay at his house. We had slept together in bed several times before but this was the first time since after we had made love. It was a new experience for both of us. It was like we had crossed some imaginary line and now we had to still had to at least try to remain on the original side. It's overwhelming. My feelings for him have magnified ten fold. If I wasn't super aware of everything about him before, well I certainly am now. All I can think about is being close to him. I can imagine what's running through his mind. He is a teenage boy after all.

Having to explain to my mother that I was going to more or less be sleeping at Peeta's every night was a daunting task. Although she adores Peeta, she wasn't too keen on my decision. But she knows that we both suffer from horrific nightmares and that the only person we find comfort in is the other. She sees our relationship for what it is, love. My mother was lucky enough to have experienced love with my father, so she gives me no grief. Prim on the other hand, practically packed my bags for me. She had an inkling of what has been transpiring between Peeta and I and she just keeps winking at me. I guess she's trying to communicate that she's in the know. When I was packing a few things to take over to Peeta's she said something that stuck. "I've never seen you like this Katniss. It's a whole other side of you that I didn't know existed. Whatever it is about Peeta Mellark that has you this happy, I hope it never ends for you. I hope someday I can find a boy that will love me as much as he lovesyou." I stop and hug her. She is the most amazing sister anyone could ever ask for. I know I'm only going to be sleeping two houses down from her but at that moment, I wished for our tiny house and beds of the Seam. We would just cuddle and sleep together every night. I settle for planting a kiss on her forehead and say "I love you Prim. You're the best sister any girl could ever have. And I know someday you're going to have the same kind of love. Everyone that meets you falls in love with you." After a few more moments, I walk over to Peeta's house.

He's sitting on his porch swing waiting for me. I drop my bag and cuddle up to him. He gives me a kiss and says "hey". I reply by giving him another kiss. After a few more moments, we walk inside the house and I notice that it's extraordinarily clean and he's got the fireplace roaring. He takes out some cheese and strawberries for a snack. He then takes out a bottle of wine, saying it was a gift from Haymitch to apologize for getting us drunk in the first place. He swears we'll be fine if we only have a glass or two. Peeta laughs while trying to open the bottle and nearly takes out his eye when the cork pops. He's so giddy that I have to laugh at him. We sit in front of the fireplace and stare at each other a few minutes while enjoying our snack and wine. Peeta breaks the silence by starting the conversation. "Are you okay being here?" he asks. "Of course I am Peeta. There's no other place I'd rather be." He smiles and leans in for a kiss. After a few minutes we come up for air and he begins again. "I've been dreaming of this moment for forever. Can't believe you're finally here with me, in my arms. I know the road has been bumpy but I promise I'd do anything to make you happy Katniss. I love you more than anything in this world. I just want you to be with me." He's so beautiful, and glamorous with his words. I sigh and respond, "Peeta, I'm sorry that I didn't pay closer attention to you while we were growing up, or even after the bread. But I'm here now and even wild dogs couldn't drag me away from you. I'm never, ever going to leave you. Even when I take my last breath, I will still be with you. I never thought that I could ever feel this way about anyone and now that I do, I'll fight to the death for it. I will never let anyone take you away from me. You're mine Peeta. I love you. There I said it, admitted it, I love you. Promise that you will stay with me." "Always" he replies.

I know what I have to do now. It's the right thing to do. The only thing that makes sense with all of this Quell talk going on. I get up and go to the kitchen. I don't see any bread there so I start ripping open the cabinets and looking for the flour and other baking items. Peeta gets up and comes over to me. "Katniss, what are you doing? Can I help you find something?" "Yes Peeta, you can help me find all the ingredients we need to make a loaf of bread for our Toasting." He eyes grow wide and he scoops me up into his arms and starts kissing me furiously. I'm on the kitchen island with all the ingredients spread out and it's moving backwards from the force of Peeta leaning into me. We slam into the counter but we're still not stopping. I have got to be the voice of reason. I pull away and put my hand up to his chest to hold him back. He's not having it but I try again anyway. "Peeta, would you like to have a Toasting with me or not? The bread isn't going to bake itself." He smiles and agrees with me. "Yes, you're right. Bread, Toasting, yes I can do this. I'm just so happy right now." I respond "Me too, but the sooner we bake the bread the sooner we..."

I've never seen him throw together a loaf of bread so fast in my life. The boy was on fire. And he didn't just mix any typical kind of bread. He mixed my favorite kind, the one with the berries and nuts that he gave to me when we were eleven. I loved the symbolism of it. It didn't take long for the bread to bake. Peeta barely even let it cool. He cut two slices and dragged me over to the fire. I couldn't stop laughing. We take our shoes off and sit in front of the fireplace facing each other. Peeta hands me a slice of the bread while he pours us each a small glass of wine. He goes first "Katniss, I love you. I promise to always do right by you. Protect you, provide for you, make you laugh, paint you, bake for you and make love to you every single day for the rest of my life. I love you more than life itself." He toasts his bread and takes a bite. My turn. "Peeta, I promise to always love you, protect you, laugh at your jokes, heal you, protect you. I also promise to make love to you _twice_ a day and I promise never to leave your side. I love you Peeta. Since that day with the bread, you have always had my heart." I gently toast my slice of bread and take a bite. We lift our glasses, entwine our arms and take a sip out of the glasses. We put down our glasses and share what was definitely our deepest and most meaningful kiss yet in front of the fire.

We never make it to the bed...


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! Still trying to adapt to being an "author". Trying to figure it all out. Sorry this is on the longer side but I wanted to keep "the honeymoon" all in one chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hunger Games or it's characters. **

**Chapter 10**

The sunlight begins to invade the living room and makes its way to my face. I squint my eyes and open them and there he is. All wrapped up beside me with his arms around my waist. I could wake up like this every day. Then it hits me, I _am_ going to wake up like this every single day. The thought makes me smile. I take in the sight of Peeta while I am waking up. He's just so beautiful, majestic even. I see some blonde scruff on his face, illuminating in the morning sunlight. I'm having difficulty not touching his face. I don't want to wake him up. It's bad enough that I disrupt his sleep with my nightmares and thrashing. He must feel me staring at him because his eyes begin to flutter until they open. The color takes my breath away. I don't ever think I could tire of seeing his amazing azure eyes. And when they look at me, I feel as if I'm the only thing they can ever see.

Peeta pulls me closer and lays his soft lips on mine. "Good morning Mrs. Mellark", he says. I like the way it rolls off his tongue and I blush. "Good morning Mr. Mellark", I gush then continue, "so what's on our agenda today?" He smiles "we're staying in bed all day. We'll check Haymitch for a pulse tomorrow." "Think my mother or Prim will come looking for us?" I question. He answers "possibly but I think we'll be fine. You could always call them and tell them you'll be with me all day, and night. We'll tell them our news tomorrow. I just want you all to myself for now. I'll compromise and share tomorrow." Peeta chuckles. He pulls me even closer to his warm body, if that's even possible and kisses me deeply. He only parts when he realizes the fireplace has only embers in it and begins to relight it. He checks the front door to make sure it's locked and then pulls the curtain back to reveal that it's snowing outside. He walks back over to me and scoops me up. "Guess what? It's snowing outside. Everyone will leave us alone, because we'll be snowed in. Problem solved. Are you hungry? I can make us some breakfast." he asks. I look into his eyes and then mine begin to wander down his muscular torso and the rest of his body. He is just stunning. It's really hard not to keep my hands to myself. I'm about to give in and say yes to breakfast when I realize I can have this man anytime I want. I can touch him anytime I want. I can kiss him anytime I want. He belongs to me and only me.

I run my hand through his hair and begin running a finger tip along his jawline like I wanted to when he was sleeping. I take my time, I have all the time in the world right now in this loving moment. I have never felt so powerful, so seductive and playful. I'm no longer embarrassed that we're naked or that we're new to this experience. I just feel so full, complete, wonderful. Like the first sixteen years of my life that I suffered through brought me to the gates of heaven with having Peeta in my life. I wish I could turn back the clock and talk to him when we were eleven. I could have been blessed by his presence five years ago. I didn't know what I was missing. I was stupid for not giving a proper thank you when I should have. All of that is water under the bridge now. Fate has brought us into each others lives and now we're in love.

I continue to lightly trace my finger up and over Peeta's muscles, arms and legs. He's already erect when I get to his manhood. He gasps as I trace my finger all around his private area. An area that is not so private to me anymore, I laugh to myself. His eyes go darker with lust. I move slightly closer to him and the blanket falls away from my breasts. He notices that my nipples are hard and begging for him to touch them. He begins to mimic me and starts running his finger from my face down to my breasts just like I am to him. It feels amazing and it's like we're both trying to seduce the other. He lets his finger move down to my thigh and begins ebbing his way over to my opening. By the time he gets there, I'm already hot for him of course, and when his finger grazes over it, it's like a damn breaks. Peeta beams and says "I can't believe that happens when I touch you." I brush my lips against his ear and reminisce about a line he once used, then whisper "You have no idea the effect you can have." Peeta takes this as permission and he brings me into his lap. I'm straddling him now and we're both moaning from our heated kisses and roaming hands. He cradles each of my breasts and takes turns bringing them into his mouth. My tongue is in his ear, sucking on his earlobes and he's moaning. I lean up slightly so that his erection is directly beneath my opening and I just lightly descend until he finds my wetness on himself. He moans out loud and his eyes turn the darkest blue I've ever seen. He is so far gone with lust that he can't even see straight. I descend farther until he's in me and I gasp at how good he feels. This feels entirely different from before.

Maybe it's that there's no leftover pain, maybe it's that I'm exceptionally moist, maybe it's that I feel in control because I'm in the superior position, I have no idea. I remember his movements from the past two times and I slide him in and out of me. We're both gasping. It feels entirely different to the both of us. Because of my position, I'm able to lean down to his mouth and now I'm the aggressor. I kiss him harder than I ever have before and begin to rock back and forth on him. He feels amazing. This is such a wild feeling! My tongue has a mind of it's own. I'm thrusting my tongue into his mouth and sucking on his lower lip. Our hands are everywhere. I lean him back against the pillows and prop myself up on my arms, rocking us the whole time. He begins to gently thrust inside of me, both of us now starting to sweat. He grabs my buttocks and pulls me even closer to him while he thrusts and something just connects in that moment and I go wild. He has reached a spot he hasn't gotten too before. His eyes roll and he signs in total ecstasy. I am on completely on fire. A few more thrusts and I am having my first real orgasm. I start moaning his name and he just pushes deeper and deeper until he spends himself inside of me. When it's all over, we just stare at each other breathlessly, not moving or willing to break the connection. Peeta grabs me to him and kisses me all over my face, trying to catch his breath and says "I'm voting for you to be on top every time. That was my favorite." I laugh at him and smile "I'll second that."

We get up and decide that it's time to eat something. Peeta begins to cook and says he's going to make me a special treat that his family had on special occasions. It's called Eggs Benedict. He baked some small rolls and while they were browning up, he whipped up a very rich sauce and made eggs. We had some leftover ham in the fridge and he also poured us some coffee. I was going to drink it black when he scrunched up his face and said "why are you drinking it that way? Don't you put sugar in it or cream?" I shook my head no. What do I know about coffee? We could never afford coffee so we just don't have any at my house. Peeta fixed my mug up like his and smiles, "I have a feeling you'd like it light and sweet. You are married to a baker after all. Oh, I forgot the dash of salt. " I take the warm mug into my hands and take a hesitant sip. It's soothing." "Peeta, why did you put a dash of salt in it?" I inquire. He chuckles "it takes the bitterness out. Makes it more enjoyable." I can always count on Peeta to heighten an experience. I watch him move around the kitchen in his pajama pants and prepare our breakfast. When he lays it all out on the table, it looks scrumptious. He motions for me to take the first bite and when it hits my tongue, it tastes delicious. What a treat. I love the sauce! When I'm all done, I stand to place my dish in the sink and pass the sauce pan on the stove. I stick my finger in and lick it off. "Peeta this stuff is great. What's in it?" I ask. "Enough butter to make all of District Twelve fat. That's why we only have it on special occasions. Plus we just couldn't afford all the ingredients at the same time to make it." I think on that and reply "well, since we're both rich, you can make it all the time from now on. Will you still love me if I'm fat?" Peeta laughs and says, "Katniss, you could gain fifty pounds and still be average. You've spent your whole life starving. I think I can live with whatever weight you want to be at. Especially after this morning. Don't change that body part and I'm all good." I slap his shoulder and pull him in for a kiss. He's such a man.

I break the kiss and head up the stairs to the bathroom. It's time for a bath. I need to just soak and relax for a bit. I know Peeta and I are not done today. He gets up and begins to follow me. "Where do you think you're going?" I ask. "Wherever you are" he replies. I laugh and say "Oh no you're not. I'm going to take a bath and relax. A little Katniss time for me." He smiles that boyish grin and counters "can I watch?" "If you watch me take a bath, you're going to get me all hot and bothered while I'm trying to relax. How is that fair?" He smiles again "Listen Katniss, married life is all about compromise. So here's a small ultimatum for you. I can either watch you take a bath or I can get in the tub with you. Either way, I told you you're mine today and I mean it. Choose whichever you like but I'm not leaving your side." I think on this. This boy is painting me into a corner. Not an unpleasant corner but none the less, a corner. My competitive side begins to creep forward. I bet I can hold out longer than him. He'll get us both all hot and bothered but he won't want to satisfy himself, he'll want me. Then I'll win when I walk away without satisfying his need. I'll live, he'll be begging like a child.

"Okay Peeta, you win, again. You can watch me" I coo. I head upstairs, pour my bath and toss in some bath salts and soap mix. Peeta just stares at me as I tie my hair up and strip down to nothing. I run my hands over my body a bit, trying to ignore the fact that he's there but knowing that I'm setting a trap for him later. I can see he's already erect. I think he could go all day he's so horny all the time. Sorry, but this body needs mild breaks in between. I begin to lather myself and bath, making sure my breasts are peeking out of the water. I keep touching them and moaning. Peeta can't handle it anymore and he starts taking off his pajama pants. I tease him, "Oh no, what do you think you're doing?" He smiles and says, "I'm getting in the tub". I shake my head "oh no you're not. I told you that you could watch. No hands on participation in this bath time. Maybe next time." He looks defeated, like I took candy away from him. Then he brightens "you're going to get out of the tub eventually though. Can I touch you then?" I shake my head again "did I or did I not say that you would get us all hot and bothered if you came upstairs? But no, you insisted. This body needs a break. You're out of luck for a while husband." He rethinks his position, realizing that I'm trying to beat him at this little game and ultimatum.

He takes his clothes off and stands there like the god he is. I flush warm. Damn him. He lets his eyes wander all over me and he does the unthinkable, he begins to stroke himself. He starts moaning and puts his hand against the wall to steady himself. His eyes never leave mine and my body. He is visualizing what he cannot see and begins just trying to pleasure himself. My mind is rolling. It is wildly erotic watching him do this and I am surprisingly turned on by it. I begin to waver in my original plan. He is just so damn hot. After a some time, Peeta's breath quickens and he comes right there in front of me. I have never born witness to that so I'm slightly surprised and intrigued. I also am at the point that I want him to touch me and he's already spent himself. He's just standing there dripping on the floor. He looks a little smug and says to me "well, I can take care of myself when need be" implying that I cannot. I stand up, bubbles sliding off of me. I grab a towel, pat dry and step out, smiling the whole time. I get a little closer to him, touch my finger to his now deflated erection and slide some of his wetness onto it. I bring my finger to my lips and suck on my finger, really dragging on the moment and never breaking from his gaze. In my best seductive voice I whisper "well, it's too bad you did that Peeta." I touch my finger to him again, pick up some more and place it once again in my mouth and suck on my finger. "Such a shame" I say under my breath as I walk away naked.

I think I hear Peeta start to cry.

Check mate.

After a while, Peeta comes out of the bathroom. He had taken a shower to cool himself down and he smells fresh. He sits down on the coach and faces me. "That was a dirty trick you played on me Mrs. Mellark." I smile at him and reply "I tried to warn you Mr. Mellark. It's not like I don't want you Peeta but my body needs to relax just a little bit. As good as it feels, you're shoving something in there that's larger than the canal. Put yourself in my shoes. I have no idea how women even push babies out of it! As hot as I am for you, I need to pace myself so I enjoy those moments with you. You wouldn't want me be in pain during our lovemaking, would you?" Peeta immediately understands and feels guilty. "Katniss, I am so sorry. It just didn't occur to me to approach it that way. I was so focused on spending every single moment with you today that I just got carried away. I don't want you to get tired of me. Not today or any other day. I just wanted to be with you, that's all." He looks so sincere. He is such a great guy. It's impossible for me to be upset with him. He just makes me want him all over again.

I pull him into my arms and brush his hair out of his eyes. I kiss his lips, taking my time. He plants kisses all along my jawline , grazing my mouth and down to my neck and collar bone. The fire is going in front of us and it's obvious the sexual tension is increasing tenfold in the room. Peeta and I make love again. We both voted for me on top again. Simply amazing and euphoric. Peeta and I bring out the best in each other. We spend all day in front of the fire. Touching each other, talking, making love. It's evening now and time for dinner. We hear a knock on the door after the knob doesn't twist open. Peeta whispers into my ear "Stay still and don't talk. Maybe whoever it is will go away." Just then the small window next to the door smashes and a hand reaches through to open the door. Peeta is up in a flash pulling on his pants and I cover myself. The door swings open and a drunken Haymitch comes through the door. Peeta yells at him "Damn it Haymitch! You just broke the window! Damn it!" Haymitch gets his bearings and says "the door was locked. It's never locked. I thought something might be wrong. Besides, it's Tuesday. We always have dinner together on Tuesdays. Prim said she hadn't heard from you two all day and I came to check on you both. I panicked when the door was locked. _It's never locked_."

Peeta exhales and nods "you're right Haymitch, it's never locked. And it's Tuesday and we forgot about dinner. We haven't made anything yet. You'll have to eat over at the Everdeen's for tonight. I apologize. Katniss and I are spending the entire day together, just us."

Haymitch glances over Peeta's right shoulder and notices me for the first time. It's obvious what we've been up to. He looks from Peeta to me and back again. Then he takes a deep breath and says "There goes another ten years off of my life! Did I or did I not, make it clear when I found you two the first time. This is a bad idea with the Quell coming up. I know we decided whose living or dying but there are consequences to your actions when screwing around." Peeta responds, "Haymitch, I appreciate your concern for us but we're not screwing around. You know we're in love with each other. We're making love. Call it what it is."

Haymitch laughs, "Making love? What are you thirty? You're a horny teenage boy. You don't know the first thing about making love to a woman. And by the way, while we're on it, did you use protection? Of course not! You're _'making love'_ and being irresponsible at the same time! You'll be cranking out little Mellarks in no time if you keep this up!" Peeta is trying to control his emotions. Truthfully, the protection thing slipped my mind. We are just so stupid anyway. Haymitch isn't far from the mark about that. I haven't visited my mother for her little blue vial of potion this time. I'm oddly at ease over it. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. We'll just have to be more careful in the meantime. Haymitch is still ranting, "Peeta, in less six months, Katniss and I are going to be in the Quarter Quell fighting for our lives against god only knows and twenty two other _VICTORS_. Did you hear me right? **VICTORS** man. They won the frigging games before. They're been mentoring every single year since they've won. They've seen it all. Granted you won by some miracle, but this is your first year behind the scenes in the Control Room. Can you imagine Katniss six months pregnant trying to run from one of my blood thirsty friends? Christ man! You two being intimate is a real problem for this team. I can try to get you some birth control but it's going to cost me a lot of favors. The Capitol _WANTS_ you two in love, married and pregnant, like yesterday." Peeta signs, sits down on the couch and puts his head in his hands, he looks at me then back at Haymitch. "Well they got two out of three so far Haymitch" he says. Haymitch stands there a minute, looks around taking in the scene again and then Peeta explains, "We had our toasting. It's official. At least until we get to the Justice Building tomorrow to put it in writing." Haymitch just sighs "To be young, in love and stupid again. Ah you kids will be the death of me. I'll get you some protection on the next train." He turns and slams the door behind him.

Peeta makes his way back to me and sighs, "Well I think that went well."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you SO much to my readers for the sweet reviews and ideas. I'm sorry that I haven't responded to each individually but I do taxes for a living and this is my busy season. I also follow about 65 stories/authors myself so what little of my free time I have, I've been reading and writing! Make sure you check out some of my faves because they gave me the inspiration to put my ideas down in writing. Send me your ideas. I owe a shot out to one of you for the "telling the Mellarks" hint. I got really creative with that. PM again so I can thank you properly. Deleted it too quick! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 11**

Today is going to be a long day. Peeta and I wake up, get ready and decide it's time to face the world. We head over to Haymitch's house first and wake him. We want him to be our witness at the Justice Building. He waves us off and says he's witnessed enough. Something about dying twenty years earlier with all he's seen and then he passes out again. Peeta closes the door behind us and we make our way to my house.

My mother is busy in the kitchen and Prim is reading a book on the couch. We help her prepare for breakfast and then all settle down at the table to eat. Peeta takes this calm moment to break the news. He clears his throat and just comes out with it. "Mrs. Everdeen, I know I should have asked your permission beforehand but Katniss and I had our Toasting a couple of nights ago. I'd like to right that wrong and ask if you'd give us your blessing and accompany us to the Justice Building to witness us legalize it." My mother takes in a deep breath and smiles. It takes her a moment to form the words and then she has a thought and runs into the other room. She comes out with a blue vial and tells me to open my mouth. I blush. She pours it down, takes another breath and says "I'm so happy for you both but you really need to be careful here. Babies are a lot of work and with everything going on with the Quell, you need to be prepared." She continues, "now that I've said my piece with that and I feel better, come here both of you and give me a hug. I'm so happy for you!" We get up to hug her and she embraces us both and kisses us.

Prim flies into my arms and gives me a big hug. Then she flings herself into Peeta's arms and whispers something in his ear. I strain to hear it but am unsuccessful. I do hear Peeta respond back though, "nah, I think it's the other way around." We finish our breakfast and then I head upstairs to put something more wedding appropriate on. Peeta heads back to our house to dress up as well. I find that cute little orange dress from the interviews. The one Cinna designed after Peeta and I admitted our favorite colors to each other. I think it would be appropriate for today, even though I know I'm going to freeze to death in it. I hurry up and put my coat over it, testing to see if it covers it. Thank heavens it covers me down to the hem. I was hoping to surprise Peeta with my choice. My mother comes in and suggest putting my braid in the intricate design that she does for special occasions. Prim sees my dress and bounds into her room fetching a similar colored ribbon. I make a suggestion. "Mother, is there any chance you could get creative and braid my hair with the ribbon but leave some of it down? Peeta really likes my hair down." "Sure Katniss. I'll just braid the front back with the ribbon and then let leave the back. The braid will just rest in the back. It's very simple. You just always liked full braids so I never did it this way." she says. When she's done I stand and check myself in the mirror. It's the perfect compromise. My mother tells me to bite my lip for a little color and then she pinches my cheeks. I turn and look, a perfect natural pink in all the right places. I put my coat on, take a deep breath and descend the stairs. I'm ready.

Peeta is there waiting for me. He takes my hand in his and then we all walk to the Justice Building. Peeta tells the Secretary that we want to apply for a marriage license and she just beams at us. She puts the paperwork together and presents it to us. She informs us "as soon as you sign this document, you're legally married." Peeta and I look at each other. "Can I go first?" I ask her. Peeta sighs in relief. Did he think I was going to bail on him? I sign my name. Then I hand the pen to Peeta and he signs his. As soon as he puts the pen down, he takes me into his arms and kisses me. Prim starts clapping first. Peeta breaks the kiss and says to the woman "I'm sorry. What do we owe you?" She smiles back "the Mayor would fire me if I took your money. Congratulations on behalf of District Twelve." Peeta and I say thank you and make our way outside to the front of the building. We still have one more stop before heading home for a celebration lunch with Mother and Prim.

We turn and head for Mellark Bakery. This is going to be a disaster with Peeta's mother. She's my mother-in-law now. As if I didn't have my own personal issues with her because of how she treats Seam residents, I could also never forgive her for beating on Peeta his whole life. He is by far, her best son, and one of the best humans to grace this earth. I don't know what her problem is. I flashback to when she hit him with the rolling pin that fateful day. I swear I'd like a half second alone with her and my bow and arrow. I would do the world a favor without hesitation. We get to the building and Peeta takes me into his arms and kisses me. "Just let me talk. My father and brothers will be fine. She'll freak out, we'll leave. That's how it's going to go. They just need to hear it from us rather than the town because that will be disrespectful and make it worse. You ready?" I nod.

Peeta pushes open the bakery door and the bell rings. Mr. Mellark looks up and he beams at the two of us. He already knows somethings up because he can see we're dressed up. Realization starts to hit but he's already greeting us in hugs. Peeta summons his courage and begins with "Dad, Katniss and I married today. We wanted to let you know and to also ask for your blessing. I know Mother is going to be upset but it's your approval that I really want." Mr. Mellark smiles and embraces me in a hug. "Welcome to the family Katniss." He smells just like Peeta. I know he's a sweet man and I give him a kiss on his cheek and say "Thank you." Just then Rye and Van come into the front of the store. They observe the scene in front of them when Mr. Mellark announces "Boys, welcome Katniss to the family. They just married." The boys both smile and each take a turn congratulating Peeta and I. "It's about time" Van says. Rye quickly recovers to warn us, "Mother is on her way down in a moment. I'm sorry."

Peeta grabs my hand before she enters the room. Everyone else scatters and we're left to confront her. She sees the two of us and immediately begins to rant and advance on us. "Peeta Mellark, you take that filthy Seam rat out of my shop right this moment. How dare you hold hands with her or bring her in here!" She brings her hand up to strike his handsome face and I catch it square with mine. My voice is dripping with venom "If you **EVER** lay a hand on my _HUSBAND_ again, I will personally remove it from your body." She sucks in her breath, knowing I mean every last word and retreats to the back wall. Everyone is in shock but she and I are staring each other down. Peeta won't hit a woman, much less his mother, but I will. "How could you do this to me Peeta? Marry trash?" she starts. Peeta stares at her "You mean marry for love? It was easy. I just had to look at you and father to know exactly what I didn't want for myself. He deserves better than you." She's taken aback and says "You're dead to me Peeta." He counters "I've been dead to you since I was growing in your womb. For whatever reason, you have never cared for me. I did everything you ever asked, even before you asked, got good grades, was always friendly and pleasant, always tried to make you proud. But you still never cared for me. I'm sorry if my marrying Katniss is a huge disappointment for you. You'll just have to live with it. I love her and I've wanted her since I was five years old. Today is the happiest day of my life and even your bitterness cannot ruin this for me."

She won't let it go. "Don't you dare set foot back in this bakery ever again Peeta." Mr. Mellark has had enough. "How dare you demand that you ignorant witch?" You will NOT ban MY SON from MY bakery, EVER. This is my family's business, not yours. And if you weren't such a viper, you wouldn't have even preyed on me after I was nursing a broken heart from Lily's rejection. In fact, I have had enough of your torture for the past twenty five years." Mr. Mellark continues and addresses Rye and Van, "Boys, do you have an objection to my giving Peeta and Katniss ownership of the bakery as a wedding present?" Rye and Van shake their heads. "Then Peeta and Katniss, the bakery is yours to do with as you wish." Peeta looks at his mother, his blue eyes dark. He takes a very deep breath "First order of business. Get out Mother and don't come back." He exhales. Her eyes turn to slits and she walks right out the door. Everyone kind of smiles all at once. Mr. Mellark is the first to speak "Now that the witch is gone, let's celebrate with some cake, shall we?"

When we leave the bakery, Peeta looks like a load is lifted off his shoulders. We start laughing at all that transpired. What an eventful day for us. It seems like our wedding has brought so many things full circle. We're almost giddy when we reach my mother's house now. I really have to pack my things and get them over to Peeta's house. Our house. It feels nice saying that. Haymitch is waiting for us in the house when we get there. He congratulates us and produces a bottle of champagne. We all have a bit and celebrate with some groosling and bread for lunch. How fitting. After a few hours, Peeta and I are ready to return to our house and have our own celebration. Before we can leave, my mother pulls me into her room and gives me a medium size jug of her special blue potion. She starts first, "Katniss, this is all I have until late Spring when the plants sprout. Please use all of it if you must but be careful. It's not foolproof and when it's gone, there will be no other options. I love you." I'm so grateful and I take her into my arms. "Haymitch says he can get us something on the next train. We don't know what it is yet or if he even can but I promise to use this sparingly. You don't know what it means to us. Thank you. I love you too." She walks me back out to the living room where I don my coat. Peeta takes my hand and we walk out towards our house with Haymitch.

When we reach Haymitch's house, he turns to us both and embraces us at the same time. He doesn't have to say it. We know what we mean to him. He breaks the silence and says "I'll give you kids one full week together to bask in your newlywed bliss and then we begin training for the Quell. Peeta, I'm counting on you to be hard on us and get me back in shape. I'm going to take this week to try to dry out, so keep your distance anyway. I've already told everyone else too. It won't take long for the Capitol to find out about your nuptials. Be careful who you talk to. You know I'm here for you if you need me." He gives us each a hug again and then says to me "Oh, Katniss I almost forgot. A special delivery to prevent a special delivery. Take one a day and DON'T miss. If you miss, take the blue stuff. I mean it sweetheart." He gives me a peck on the cheek, winks at Peeta and heads into his house.

Peeta takes my hand and we continue to ours. When we reach the door, he bends down and scoops me into his arms, carrying me through the door frame. He sets me down and I'm squeeling. "What was that for?" I ask. "It's an old tradition Katniss. The groom carries his bride into their house after they marry. Then he carries her to their marriage bed for their first time making love. Since we skipped a step and made love in front of the fireplace, the bed is technically still pure. So I intend to carry you there too." I smile at him. "what if we didn't start at the bed Peeta? What if we started at bath time? I think I owe you one of those..." I suggest. Peeta smiles "Rain check. Bed first Mrs. Mellark. I've been waiting all day to get that dress off of you." I giggle and turn pink while unzipping the dress from the back and then coo "you mean this dress?" as it falls to the ground.

He scoops me up and I don't think his feet even hit the stairs...

On the last day of our week before training, Peeta and I decide to spend the whole day in bed again. We don't want to think about how hard training will be. It's still cold out so Haymitch has ordered all of these weights and exercise machines and put them in his finished basement. He's pretty much dried out and he's given Peeta what liquor he did have left. Says he won't need it if he fails because Peeta is going to kill him anyway. My mother has been busy making remedies for sore muscles and aches to help ease us as we train. It's all happening so fast.

I stare at Peeta and he starts to stir. My stomach is growling. It's time to finally get up and eat something. All of our nighttime activity makes me famished in the morning. Peeta cracks his eye open and I say "wake up sleepy head. You have to feed me." He laughs, "you're a big girl, I think you can feed yourself. I'll have whatever you're having." I sit up and laugh "you want me to cook? Okay but don't say I didn't warn you. I hunt not cook." I get my naked self out of the bed and he groans. He's going to have to take care of himself because I'm on a mission to make breakfast now. I pull on my pajama pants and one of his t-shirts and make my way downstairs to the kitchen. I start the coffee and then figure out what I am going to make. I think I can handle this. I'm a Victor, I know I can handle this. I drag out a few pans and some ingredients and get started.

I've seen my mother make pancakes before. It was only once or twice because the ingredients cost too much but I know I have everything to make them here. I get out a nonstick pan, and begin to mix the flour, eggs and water together. I mix it just right, not too lumpy and pour some into the heated pan. Shockingly, they don't stick or burn and I'm silently proud of myself. By the time I'm done, Peeta has come down from the bedroom and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I cut up some fresh strawberries and coat them in sugar too for a topping. Maple syrup is very hard to come by here in District Twelve and very expensive. I can afford it now, but it's still difficult to obtain. I lay a pancake out on a dish, top it with strawberries and sprinkle a little bit of confectionery sugar on top. Looks delicious. I present it to Peeta and he's impressed with my final result. He picks his fork up to cut at a piece and I laugh. I just pick mine up, fold it in half and begin to eat it. Peeta laughs at me and copies me. All in all it's a great breakfast.

We camp out on the couch, Peeta is drawing, I'm reading and there's a knock at the door. I open it and Haymitch is standing there with a small bag in his hands. There's a card attached to it. "What's this Haymitch? You didn't have to bring us anything" I say. He chuckles and says "I didn't sweetheart. Better open it up. I already know who it's from." Haymitch steps inside and puts the bag on the table and I pull the card off to read it.

_Dear Katniss,_

_I just found out about your marriage to Peeta. I can't say I'm surprised but I always hoped it wouldn't get that far. You know how I feel about you but I will do my best to get over it. I know that Peeta is a great guy and that the odds were just never going to be in my favor. I didn't know what to get for the two of you on what funds I have but I did try to do my best. I hope someday we can be friends again. I hope some day I can even be comfortable enough to be friends with Peeta. In the meantime, this is all I have to offer. Take care Catnip._

_Gale_

I open the bag and find the one thing I would **never **have expected to find. A jar of maple syrup. The combination of Gale's kind words, his gift and the fact that I haven't spoken to Gale in quite some time because of my choices, hits me all at once. Peeta catches me just in time as I faint.

_**A/N: Had to bring Gale into the picture because he will be entering the story soon! It'll be good!**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews. So Gale is going to be coming into the picture in a more prominent way soon. That's why I had to at least mention him in the last chapter. Trust me, it's good. Still Team Peeta over here so no need to worry at all. Just making good story for my readers!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **_

**Chapter 12**

It's been two months since our honeymoon and we've been training since the day it ended. Haymitch has become a model citizen, a father figure to both Peeta and I, and Peeta has become the mentor from hell. He;s determined to keep me alive and so he has been working all three of us to the bone training everyday. If he keeps it up, I could possibly surpass him in muscle mass. We are reminded that the Quarter Quell is fast approaching. Only three and a half more months to go. A week after our honeymoon. Peeta and I embarked on our Victory Tour. It had been delayed a couple of weeks due to all the storms out in District Twelve. Peeta and I did not announce our marriage on the tour which fueled lots of gossip when Effie found us sleeping in the same room. We just simply didn't care. The tour was relatively uneventful and we returned to our home after a two week tour. It was then that we became Careers.

Still cold in District Twelve, so we must train in Haymitch's basement. We box, practice with knives, I shoot my arrows, we run on the treadmill, lift weights. Peeta pushes us to be better everyday. Today, I am simply exhausted. I just want to get this round of boxing done and go soak in my tub. Peeta isn't about to let me off the hook. I finally can't stand it. "Peeta, I've got to call it quits today, I'm exhausted. Who votes for a day off tomorrow?" I say and raise my hand. Haymitch raises both of his in the air. Peeta looks miffed "Haymitch, I thought that you wanted me to push you? Get you ready for the Quell. You said you'd bring Katniss home." Haymitch smiles at Peeta and says "Have you seen this girl? If she even bitch slaps anyone, they're going down hard. Things are well on track. I think one day to rest will do us all some good."

Peeta shakes his head. He just doesn't feel comfortable taking a break. Like this one period to rest will somehow trigger a flaw in the plan. Haymitch brightens with an idea "Hey Peeta, I'm so confident that Katniss is ready, that I think she could wrestle you- and win. I'll put twenty bucks on her." Peeta smiles and says "they're no way she could beat me. I was even on the wrestling team in school." Now I'm intrigued. "Peeta, I think I could actually disarm you, maybe even wrestle you down to the ground. Don't underestimate me." He smiles and kisses my cheek "I'm not underestimating you Katniss. I just don't believe you're strong enough to beat me." I smile my most winning smile and give a girlish laugh "You're on Peeta" before I jump on his back and try to wrestle him to the ground. Little do we know, that once we began, Haymitch slinked out of the room.

Peeta and I are really trying to bring the other down. I can tell he's holding back on me, trying not to hurt me. This makes me angry and my adrenalin picks up. We're crawling all over the floor trying to get each other into a lock position. I know I'm going to lose. What can I possible do to gain advantage? I'm close to Peeta's mouth and I cross a line. I lick his lips. He's horny instantly and starts to relax his grip on me to pursue my advance on him. I squirm away and when he tries to grab me, I somehow twist and end up with an advantage that allows me to capture Peeta's head in between my legs. He knows I have him pinned. This is great! It might even teach him a lesson. Peeta is trying to pull my legs off of him but I clamp tighter, careful not to choke him though.

I laugh. "Do you give Peeta? All we want is a day off." Just then I hear the fabric tear and I'm caught by surprise. My grip only slightly loosens in the aftermath. Peeta tore my training shorts and has his tongue inside my body. That boy never plays fair. And just like that, Haymitch is out twenty bucks.

I feel kind of creepy having made love in Haymitch's house so we hurry up and dress, my tattered pants like a skirt and steal away next door to out home. It's kind of exhilarating streaking across the yard with hardly any pants on. We get into the house, laughing so hard when Peeta says "Now where were we again." I wheezle away and start running around the house, beckoning Peeta to chase me. His leg starts to limp a bit, but he's still in the game. I taunt him, "See Peeta, nobody can catch me. Not even you. I'm too fast and stealthy." I don't give him a chance to respond before I take off, running through the whole house, daring Peeta to catch me. He's flipping over furniture trying to reach me and we're both actually enjoying the suspense, the chase.

We carry on like this for a bit, before he manages to catch me from behind. He puts his face to my neck and begins sucking on the skin. He feels so good. I place my hands to my side and slide them along his hips. He moves my braid and kisses my neck, probes my breast with his left hand while pulling my hip closer to him with his right hand. We are both on fire. He takes whats left of my pants and rips them off of me, stroking my buttocks and thighs. We're right next to the couch and he guides me to rest my forearms on the soft arm rest, directly forward onto it. When I do, he's got me from behind.

He takes his pants off and rubs his manhood against me. It's exhilarating. We've never been in this position. Peeta strokes his finger on the outside of my opening and nubs his way inside. I am so hot for him and he knows it. Peeta positions himself and pushes inside me. We both let out a gasp. This is completely new to us, and so primal. He begins thrusting inside me, trying not to hurt me. I am just so overcome with emotion and need that I'm panting and moaning his name very loudly. All of this turns Peeta on something fierce and he thrusts inside me until I feel like I'm going to die from wanting. Peeta and I climb and reach our climax at nearly the same time.

Peeta pulls out of me and flips me over. We're both drenched in sweat. He pulls my body up to his and puts his mouth on my breast. I so want him again and he can tell by the look in my eyes. He carries me up the stairs to our bedroom. All I have to do is look at him, and he goes weak. I don't have to ever put my hands on him to take him down. Only when we get to the bed does he say "you win."

_**A/N: I know it's a filler but I've been updating every single day. Trying to get to the great ideas I have without being repetitive in the story. When I get to the end, you're all going to be ecstatic. The concept idea for this story was cool and I can't wait to get there. Loves XOXO**_


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: We're at the Quarter Quell! Just a heads up, I'm going to summarize a few things in the Quell. I'm normally writing away from home and do not have my books with me. So just roll with it because you are about to read something with a whole other spin. Will be switching to Peeta's POV so you see other aspects of the Games. **

**_Remember, this is Katniss POV, looking back, on the defining moments in her life. Some things she does find out after the fact._ Enjoy!**

**Chapter 13**

It's the day before the Quarter Quell. I've gone to spend the morning with Mother and Prim. I haven't heard from Gale since he left the wedding gift on my doorstep. It's hard to believe that nearly half a year has passed since I married Peeta and began what I thought was a new life. I probably should have sought out Gale, to at least thank him for the gift, but figured that giving him the space he needed would be a good thing. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Peeta and Haymitch have been slowly planning strategy for these games. I find out later, what transpired between them.

_Peeta POV_

_Haymitch and I sit down at his table and he looks at me for a moment. Although it's been some time now, it's odd seeing him fully sober, especially with us leaving for the Quell tomorrow. He wants to talk strategy and mentoring technique, since I've never done it before. Haymitch takes a breath, leads me to the bathroom and turns all the water on. He leans into my ear and he says the one thing that I never expect. "This Quarter Quell is the catalyst for a Revolution. District Thirteen is alive, well and very powerful. Many Victors are aiding them, to stop these Hunger Games, and make the lives of the Districts better. I won't know the final plan until I'm in the arena, but when it happens, the world is going to blow, so to speak. You will be trapped in the Capitol and they will come after you. You are the spark that started all of this onto road of fruition."_

_I look at Haymitch, eyes wide and say the first thing that comes to it "What about Katniss?" Haymitch continues "Katniss IS the Rebellion Peeta. You lit the flame and she's it. She's the face of all that Panem holds to. Her strength, her beauty, her youth, her courage to fight for you and her absolute pure love for you- it's what every citizen in Panem is holding out hope for. When that gong strikes, two things are going to happen, friends will become enemies, except for the alliance I have put together, and the Districts are going to rally behind their Victors. During your Victory Tour, after they met you and we were able to discuss it, all swore an oath to protect Katniss and get her out of the Arena. Now I have a very important question for you Peeta. I need you to think hard. If you had to pick ONE person in all of District Twelve, who would protect Katniss and fight to the death for his people, whom would you pick?"_

_I don't even have to think before I say his name "Gale". Haymitch sighs in relief._

_He continues, "Have you ever wondered why Gale hasn't been around since the wedding gift? Sure he was nursing a broken heart but isn't it odd? I saw Gale that night, remember? Had myself a nice conversation and walk with him. Then I sent him with a message to District Thirteen and he's been training there ever since. Eager to aid the Rebellion in any way. He's actually a very good soldier and has moved up the ranks rather quickly. Gale has been entrusted by District Thirteen to get you out of the Capitol when the arena falls. I'm telling you this because I need you to trust him and do whatever he says. Above all else, trust Gale Peeta."_

_My mind is spinning. I have to put my jealous feelings aside at once and focus on the more important part of this trio, Katniss. "Not matter what, Katniss will be safe? She'll make it out?" "Yes" Haymitch says. "We are all Victor's Peeta. Our alliance has sworn an oath. We are with District Three, Four, and Seven. The others just simply don't know about the rebellion. Some of us are closer than others. It happens. I'm not saying the other Districts are not there to win, they are. But our alliance will be just trying to survive until the right moment, until we can get out of there, with Katniss intact. Gale's mission is to have eyes on you at all times and to aid in your escape when the time comes. He will be alone, but he will be your only ally, other than Cinna and Portia. And they will be limited to you because they are Prep Team for Victors. You are a Mentor now."_

_I keep processing. This bathroom is frigging hot with the two of us in here, all the running water, all the information spilled and Haymitch so close, for fear of being overheard by some kind of device. I nod my head. "Just get her out Haymitch. I will trust Gale, and I will take care of myself. You have my word." Haymitch gives me an unexpected hug and we exit the bathroom. He stops "Oh and Peeta, Katniss can't know any of this. I'm sorry but you need to take it to your grave." _

_Haymitch and I return to the table and work out the final small details about the Quell and our plan to keep him by Katniss's side the entire time. There's not much else we can plan ahead because the killing will be random. It's all about getting away from the Cornucopia and surviving the remaining Victors. Haymitch gives me instruction on how to gather sponsors, when to send gifts and how to be strong if Katniss asks me for something, and I am unable to send it. Everything has to be timed perfectly. Above all, I am not to confess that Katniss and I are married and I need to keep my emotions in check. I knew I should have volunteered for Haymitch. It's going to be brutal watching her on the screen, not knowing what could happen. _

_The day has passed on and Haymitch returns to his house. It's a time for reflection and coping. The next weeks will bring unrest and war to the country. And in the center of it all, will be my beautiful wife. The thought of not being by her side, sickens me. I barely make it to the bathroom before I hurl into the toilet. Katniss finds me when I'm washing my mouth out. She immediately puts her hand to my forehead and starts checking me for illness. I scoop her hands into mine and place them at my lips, kissing each one of them. I'm just trying to memorize her face, remember everything about her. Set us both at ease. This will be the first time since we married, that we won't be together. I think my lungs go on strike just at the thought. _

_I just can't be without her. I don't know how I'm ever going to be strong enough to do my part and get us all through this living nightmare. I tremble with fear. Fear of losing her. The world could fall down around us and I would still be okay if Katniss was by my side. I take her into my arms and kiss her. I move away from her lips, smell her hair, pull it out of her signature braid to feel it all through my fingers. I feel better already. This is where we belong, in moments like these. This is where we are safe and sound. I trail kisses down her neck to her collar bone and run my hand up under her shirt to her bra. I have it unclasped in a second and her breast is free in my hand. I tug my shirt over my head with my other hand and press up against her. She's already moaning in my ear, nibbling on my earlobe. I love it when she does that. I can just never get enough of her. Ever. And true to her marriage vow, she has made love to me at least twice a day. She has never refused me. _

_I gather her up and place her on the bed and take my pants off. She removes hers even quicker than I have mine off. I take in the beauty of her. She's like a goddess. I just can't believe that I got so lucky. I've been so in love with her, enamored with her, for so long that it's like I have no memories of my life prior to seeing Katniss for the first time. And seeing her now, in all of her naked glory, just makes me even more turned on than I was before. I position myself on top of her. The near proximity of her sends electricity through my body. I pull my manhood into my hand and just rub it against her opening. Katniss gasps and jerks upwards. She is so wet. My god I could come right then. It's one thing to know that I'm so obviously attracted to her and easily turned on by her. She could walk by me and I'd have an instant boner. Sex is always on my brain somewhere. But for Katniss, she can function without sexual thought. So I am always flattered, silently pleased and altogether amazed when I discover just how wet she is. It's just for me. I do this to her, solicit this reaction from her. She's responding to her feelings for me, to my body, my attractiveness to her. I would be lying if I said it didn't boost my ego. _

_Of course it did. It's empowering. _

_I just can't control myself any more and slip myself into her. We both gasp and sigh at the same time. This is where we both belong. Nobody can ever take these private moments away from us. I feel her arch her back to receive me as I thrust into her. She wraps her legs around my backside and pulls me down to her. Rubbing my back, my face, my arms. She grabs my left butt cheek in her hand and pulls me closer to her. I swear I just want to consume her. She's kissing me everywhere she can reach, sucking on my nipples, biting them and then licking them over, moaning my name. I pull her closer to me and put my hands under her back until they reach her shoulders. Then I use them to pull her even closer and tighter into me. She likes this and opens her legs just slightly wider. All the activity makes me hit that special spot. We both go wild. I could die right now and be the happiest man in the world. The feeling is so engrossing for the two of us. She comes so many times when I hit this spot. I lose count. She's so tight and I can feel her orgasm in these moments. It makes me so frigging horny to the point that I reach my own climax. I spend myself inside of her and don't move._

_We both stare at each other, kissing each others faces. Neither of us move. We both still feel amazing. I don't want to be apart from her. I want to even sleep inside of her. I wish tomorrow would never come. Katniss breaks the silence. Breathlessly she admits "that was definitely one of my top ten favorite moments." I smile and reply "Top ten? It's pretty high on my list. What's your number one?" She blushes and speaks "All ten are memories of you, with you Peeta. But my first one is the most significant to me. The morning after you gave me the bread, I saw you standing in the school yard. I caught your gorgeous, exotic blue eyes and I had this epiphany if you will. It was like a small flash of warmth through my skinny bones and I got lost in my imagination for a split second. I saw us kissing, running through the meadow, our children with us, a boy and a girl. I saw us holding hands, foreheads pressed together with an orange sunset behind us. As quick as the moment came, it was gone. When I looked down from your eyes, I saw the first dandelion of Spring and it gave me hope. You gave me hope Peeta. From the moment you gave me the bread, to the daydream, to the dandelion. You have always represented "hope" to me. And I have hope that we will make it through this Quell and be together forever."_

_I stare into her eyes and know she means ever single beautiful word. I'm instantly hard again. _


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Get ready my lovely readers, you are in for a treat...review, review, review! I am not going to dwell on the Quarter Quell but rather summarize to get to "Mockingjay". **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 14**

It's finally here. The Quarter Quell. Nothing can prepare me for it, sooth me. Peeta has been trying all morning as we waited for the train to come in. Effie greets us and brings us up to speed with our schedules. Peeta is sullen. Won't let me out of his sight. Even tried to go to the bathroom with me. This entire event has him petrified of losing me. Haymitch is relatively calm. He sits me down at dinner time and explains that we need to make friends with the other Victors. That we will probably need some allies this time around. I roll my eyes at him "Haymitch, what do we need allies for? We're just going to have to kill them in the end anyway. It'll be better if it's the two of us. I don't know if I can trust anyone else." Haymitch nods "You bring up a valid point but as the more experienced Victor and Mentor, I say we need allies. Peeta, care to weigh in? Peeta nods his approval "I'm with Haymitch on this Katniss. I think the more hands on deck, the safer you'll be." I give them both a dirty look.

We get to the Capitol and Peeta and I quickly realize that we have separate bedrooms. We didn't think this far ahead. Keeping with nostalgia, they are the bedrooms we had last year. Haymitch declared that his bedroom was awesome and wasn't going to part with it for us. We didn't care because ours were right next door to each other anyway. Peeta and I glance at each other while we are at our doors and he smiles at me. He slips right into my room.

The following morning, Effie bursts in to get me up and starts having convulsions at seeing Peeta and I in bed together, naked and entangled in sheets. My prep team is right behind her and she smacks right into them while trying to escape. She's probably off to tell Haymitch, even though Peeta is the Mentor this year. They back out the door and Peeta uses that as his cue to get dressed and let them get started.

He leans in for a kiss and is out the door. The three of them come filing back in and all start jabbering at once.

"When did that happen?" "Are you engaged?" "Did you use protection?" "Does Haymitch know?" "Forget Haymitch, does Cinna know?" "Is he any good?" Flavius asks. Octavia smacks his arm and shakes her head. The all crack me up. "I don't kiss and tell and it's also nobody's business anyway. Don't ask again." I respond to all inquires.

Before I know it, the next couple of days have whizzed by. The parade went as planned. Haymitch and I rode the chariot, steel faced, holding hands in our costumes. Haymitch as dressed in black pants and a short sleeve shirt that defined his muscles. It was black with a metallic shine to it, appearing three dimensional. Mine was more sexy and meant to attract sponsors. Peeta loved the dress but felt it was too revealing. It was all black shear and stopped very low on my hips. The bottom flowed out in black waves to the ground. Strategic black beading was placed to cover my breasts and the beading was also scattered throughout the mesh to offer a metallic shine as well. My hair was left loose to blow behind me and my make up was very dramatic and dark. I took everyone's breath away.

Haymitch and I have been to the Training Center and have now aligned with Districts Three, Four and Seven. I'm not too happy about it but I can live with it. Today was a big day, our personal sessions with the Game makers. While we eat dinner with Haymitch, Effie, Portia, and Cinna, Peeta's curiosity gets the better of him and he brings it up and asks what we each did. Haymitch gives a grunt and says "I didn't do anything." Peeta's eyebrow arches and asks "What? What do you mean you didn't do anything?" Haymitch shrugs " I just stood there, still as possible, locked eyes with the head Game maker and never even blinked. I think I scared the shit out of him." Effie shakes her head "What is wrong with you Haymitch? Years of booze have screwed you up." Haymitch dismisses her. Peeta looks at me and says "How about you Katniss? Please tell me you didn't stare them down or shoot at them this time." I can't meet his eyes. It makes him nervous. "Let it out Katniss. What did you do?" All at once it comes out in a horrible rush of words.

"I didn't know what to do and they weren't paying attention to me so I got really mad and did something without thinking and I just grabbed the dummy in the back and tied a knot and just strung it up over the rafter and then I grabbed some red paint and wrong Seneca Crane on it's chest."

There, it was out. Seneca Crane was last years Head Game maker who was executed because he didn't kill Peeta and I when we took out the berries to commit suicide. Everyone stares at me, not knowing what to make of my outburst. Peeta turns red and tries not to smile. Haymitch claps his hands and says "Good job sweetheart. I wish I was a fly on that wall." Effie's mouth is hanging open and she has no idea what to say so she carefully says "Well they should have been paying attention to you from the start. Shame on them for being rude." Cinna just gave me a thumbs up and laughed. We watch the review later that evening. Haymitch scores a 10 and I score a twelve. We all gasp. The Careers will be out for the both of us.

The following evening, are the interviews. Caesar Flickerman asks how Peeta and I are doing in our relationship. It's been planned that I will admit to us being engaged. I am wearing a white wedding dress and Haymitch is in a suit, posing as the father of the bride. When Cinna motions to me, I spin around and my dress catches fire to reveal the look of a Mockingjay, my token symbol. I've gone and literally ruffled feathers, even when I didn't mean to. These whole games are sabotaged.

Peeta spends the night with me again in my room. We awaken to an avox girl with a message from Effie indicating that we have the day off. We spend the entire day between our room and the roof. Just enjoying each others company. We just don't want it to end. Tomorrow the games begin. While watching the sunset together on the roof, I stare at Peeta. He rubs his thumb over my mouth and I confess my fears to him. "Peeta, I can only imagine what you're feeling right now. I'm petrified that I won't make it back to you. I don't know what I would ever do without you. You're my whole world. Please promise me that we will always be together. That you will always stay with me. Forever Peeta. Promise me that. No matter what, we will always fight to be together." Peeta leans his lips closer to mine, our eyes never breaking contact. "I promise Katniss. Until my last breath, I will stay with you, always. Nothing can ever break our bond. Nothing. We will always be together." It's all I need to hear to feel better about the situation. We seal our promise with a longing kiss.

Morning comes, time for the games. I wake Peeta by encircling him in my arms. He immediately snaps too and realizes that this is it. Our time is up. It's like slowly suffocating. Any minute, Effie is going to be at the door and it's going to begin. Less than five minutes later it happens. We both panic. Peeta and I are touching each others faces, crying, kissing and finally embracing for what could be the last time. "I love you Katniss. God I love you. Please never leave Haymitch. Just trust me. Don't leave him even for a minute. I love you, I love you, I love you." I'm crying hysterical now. "Peeta I love you. Please get me out of there. I only want to be with you. I love you so much. You'll be all I'm thinking about." I kiss him one last time before Effie grabs his hand. Her mascara is running all down her face. An hour later I'm dressed, trembling, trying to eat breakfast. Cinna brings me to the launch center. As the glass encloses around me, two Peacekeepers enter the room and beat Cinna to death. The countdown minute begins. The arena has the Cornucopia in the middle of a small ocean. The gongs sounds. This is it as I think to myself. Sink or swim.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Here comes more...thanks for the reviews and PM's. Story alert? Hint hint... **

**This makes three Chapters in one day. Please show a little love readers!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 15**

It's been four days in the arena. We've figured out that the jungle arena is a clock. There's no real water source, we have to tap trees with a spile. We move from time block to time block. Trying to avoid blood rain showers, killer monkeys, tidal waves, poisonous fog, lightning and ll sorts of mutations and also the few remaining Career Tributes. All that's left of them are Enobaria, Chaff and Brutus. We've also lost a few in our alliance. All that's left of us are Finnick, Johanna, Beetee, Haymitch and myself. We manage to stay together, treat all of our injuries, eat, drink and avoid the other Careers. We also become closer because of this shared experience. It's too bad they'll all be dead within a few days because I would really like to be friends with these people.

On the fifth day, all hell breaks loose. We discover that the Careers are planning an attack and decide to set a trap for them to eliminate them. The trap is also very volatile because if we are not out of a safe distance, it could kill us too. Beetee's idea is to run his spool of wire from the beach to the lightning tree to intercept the electric volt and therefore electrocute the entire beach and surrounding area. Anyone close to it will be electrocuted. We all take a part in the plan, with Haymitch and I running the wire to the tree. We have just enough time to make it back before we will be in severe danger. We run through the jungle, secure the wire to the tree and when nearly back, discover that the wire has been cut. I don't know where the thought comes from but I take the end, tie a knot around my arrow and send it flying into the force field just ask the lightning strikes the tree. I am too close to the explosion. Haymitch throws his body towards mine as we go flying backwards from the blast.

I wake up to find our alliance gathered around Finnick. He is trying to resuscitate Haymitch. Haymitch's eyes are wide open and he appears dead. I start screaming and flailing about. Miraculously, what Finnick has done brings Haymitch back. Before he gets to reach for me, a hovercraft picks us up and we are zooming through the air. Enobaria was the only Career that made it.

_Peeta POV_

_Haymitch told me it would kill me to see her in the arena. That I had to keep my cool and not over react. He swore it was as planned out as it could be and that I had to keep sending an amount of bread that indicated how many tributes were left and their locations. I was to send all other clues through sponsor gifts that hopefully relayed the massage. The only other Mentor that I associated with, was instructed to watch over, was Annie Cresta, District Four. Jonas from District Three and Elijah from District 7 also sent bread. We hardly ever spoke, allies or not. We were very carefully watched here in the Capitol. _

_Haymitch told me to keep a look out for Gale. I haven't seen him at all. I know that I can handle myself. I could even protect Annie, but I still feel like Gale is a douche for not upholding his end of the bargain. On the fifth day of this torture, with next to no sleep, Katniss blows out the force field with her arrow. Haymitch throws himself on her to spare her the brunt of the force and appears to have died. Finnick manages to save him. I take a mental note to properly thank Finnick Odair when I see him again. I think he's pretty cool. They're all picked up by the hovercraft and the screen goes blank. I look over to Plutarch Heavensbee, the Head Game maker and I see only a fist. _

_I stumble back and find another in my eye. Annie screams and a Peace Keeper is grabbing her and trying to drag her off. I find my voice "Stop! What are you doing? Leave her alone!" I yell. Another fist in my face and then a matching one in my gut. While I'm down, I'm being kicked hard in the stomach. I think my insides are going to fall out. I'm grabbed by two sets of arms and dragged through the Training Center into a hovercraft. I black out and come to while being dragged on the ground. I'm tossed in a cell, but not abandoned. _

_The Peace Keepers continue to beat me. They take turns punching me and kicking me all over. Finally one Peace Keeper says "I think he's had enough for one day. I'm heading above to survey the damage and get a briefing. You coming?" The other Peace Keeper says "Yes, I'll be there in a minute. I'm not done with this** VICTOR** quite yet." I think I'm dying. I don't think I can take anymore. I know they've discovered the Rebellion. I know that Beetee's plan failed but was salvaged by Katniss' brilliance. The whole world is probably in complete chaos. It dawns on me that I am a prisoner here now. I wonder how Katniss is. I'm incoherent. I mumble her name "Katniss." I feel the Peace Keeper lean close to my ear and whisper "She's safe. So is your family. I'm sorry Peeta. Please forgive me."_

_I look up and see Gale. Gale is a fucking Peace Keeper. He punches me again and I go black. _

**A/N:How did you like the twist? I can't wait for the next Chapter!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thanks for all the alerts! Keep them coming, I really appreciate them. It gives me motivation to keep going at this faster pace. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 16**

_Peeta POV_

_I wake up in my cell and the prior days events come back to haunt me. This cannot be happening. I put my hand to my face. It's all scabbed over and swollen. Gale did a number on me. I know Haymitch told me to trust him above all else, but damn it, I know he enjoyed hitting me. I'm sure it was therapeutic for him to take some of his frustration out on me. _

_My thoughts drift to Katniss. She must be freaking out right now. I miss her. I wish I was there with her. I wonder if she knew what she was doing when she blew out the force field. Haymitch said she didn't know anything about the rebellion. She safe, that's all I care about. _

_I hear screaming down the hall. It sounds like a woman. Johanna? Oh god they're going to torture us. I realize that I must not divulge information. That I have to be strong. Annie doesn't know anything, she's too unstable mentally. But Johanna and I are in for it. _

_The cell door opens and President Snow enters carrying a tray of food and water. "Hello dear Peeta. So happy you've awakened. We have lots to chat about. First off, the Peace Keepers won't be touching your handsome face again unless warranted. You'll be making some public appearances during your stay with us and I'd like you presentable. We'll begin your questioning tomorrow. As I'm sure you've already heard, we've begun questioning Miss Mason. I trust your sessions will go much smoother. Enjoy your meal." And then he leaves as quickly as he came. _

_Day two, it begins. I'm repeatedly questioned about the rebellion, Katniss, her blowing up the force field, the berries. Anything that could be related to the rebellion. They know that I love her. They promise that they'll kill her. I become a raging animal against them. I will never divulge anything about the rebellion. My feelings for Katniss, I wear on my sleeve. They become their new weapon. _

_After a few weeks of inquisition, they resort to another tactic. Gale has been present the entire time. He's assigned to guard me. He never lays a hand on me past the first day. He can't talk to me though. He can't tell me anything he knows. This place has cameras and microphones everywhere. The only comfort that I have is that Katniss and my family made it out alive in the first place. _

_The Capitol has grown tired of my resistance. I'm taken to a room and strapped down to the bed in the center. The room reminds me of a hospital room. Nobody says anything. The doctor just inserts a syringe, filled with yellow liquid, into my veins. It takes only a moment to elicit reaction from me. I start to thrash on the bed but the straps keep me in place. I feel excruciating pain. I see things that I know are not there. My mind is racing through a dream, nightmares, memories. I can't tell which is which. This goes on for hours. When it seems to have passed, I'm unstrapped and Gale throws me over his shoulder to deposit me back in my cell. _

_This continues every day for two months. They changed up their plan again after a couple of weeks and started showing me images from the games, from District Twelve, propaganda featuring Katniss, audio recordings. My mind has been toyed with so much that my thoughts are no longer my own. I am terrified to enter that room everyday. I fight Gale with all of my might, yet he drags me to that room every single day. They keep telling me that Katniss doesn't love me, that she's run off with someone else. Although I know that to be false because the one man she would ever run off with is constantly with me. They tell me that she pretended to love me. That it was all a lie for her own selfish benefit._

_I try to hold true to all that I love about her. But one day, something gives in me and I let images in. I start to believe them. I just can't fight anymore. It's killing me. I'm a mess. The guards beat me up almost daily but leave my face intact. The doctors inject me, show me mutations of Katniss. She's always saying she hates me, that she lied about loving me, that she used me, and that she wants to kill me. Regrets not doing so in the first games. _

_I begin to hate her. My hatred grows daily. I don't trust her. All of this hatred also cannot erase my physical obsession with her though. My mind still runs through memories and fantasies of her. I can't help the pull that I feel towards her. There's something there , no doubt, but I am petrified of her, her lies and her intentions. I fantasize about touching her. My hands to her throat while I feel her breasts. I'm choking the life out of her while groping at her body. It turns me on. My mind is so far gone now that it doesn't even see the sickness in that thought. Something about this Katniss makes me want to love her, fuck her and suck the air from her lungs all at the same time. _

_It's been almost four months since the Quell when I'm rescued. Gale drags me out and we fight our way out with a few other rebels disguised as Peace Keepers. Johanna and Annie are rescued too. When we get on the hovercraft safely. Van is there to greet me. It's so good to see him. He embraces me. Won't let me go. He tells me that Rye and Dad made it out of District Twelve because of Rory Hawthorne. Mom refused to go with him because he is from the Seam. Dad stayed behind to try to convince her. He eventually left her and made it to the clearing before the bombs hit. She perished in the bombing. _

_He tells me that Haymitch is fine and eagerly awaits my return. He also tells me that Katniss will be waiting for me. That she fought to have me rescued. That she refused to be the Mockingjay until I was rescued. He tells me that she loves me. Lies, all lies. _

_We arrive in District Thirteen and I am whisked away to the Hospital Ward. Haymitch is almost immediately at my side. He's holding my hand and trying to talk to me. I'm overwhelmed. I can't really focus in on anything right now. I hear Dad and Rye calling my name and everyone steps aside for them to embrace me. It feels so good to see them. I'm guided into the room and the nurse begins to set up the IV. I go crazy. Haymitch grabs my face in his hands and says carefully "Peeta, the IV is for fluids. You're dehydrated. We need to get some nourishment into you. I won't let anything happen to you. I will stay with you and put a knife in anyone that tries to hurt you. You have my word."_

_I feel better now and let the nurse do her job. I'm not there long, alone in my room with everyone else talking outside my door, when I hear a commotion outside it. Just then they door flies open, clicks shut and Katniss is standing in front of the door. Out of breath, pink cheeks, grey eyes, beautiful brown hair tied back in a braid. She's not real. I have a feeling of love wash over me. I'm compelled to get up and touch her. I can't fight this magnetic draw to her. I approach her, put my hands to her face and my lips crash down on hers. _

_Then something in me snaps and I become an entirely different person. _


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: We heat up in this Chapter! Please review. Two Chapters in one day. Show some love!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 17**

I don't remember where I was exactly when I got the message that Peeta was rescued. Training perhaps, maybe walking around skipping important meetings. I had been waiting almost four months to see him. I just needed to hold him, kiss him, make love to him. It was so unfair that we were separated at all, never mind how long. Peeta is my world.

I start to run. District Thirteen is an endless maze underground. I zigzag through the hallways, take elevators and I'm finally in the hospital wing. It seems like it's taken me so long to get here. I run through the halls. Everyone is standing up as I pass by them. I pass my mother and Prim in a blur. I just need to get there. I ask a nurse where Peeta is being treated and I follow until I finally reach his corridor. Haymitch is there and I beam so bright. Haymitch tries to grab my arm but I push past him into Peeta's room. I don't notice that the door clicks shut behind me.

My eyes connect with his and he gets out of the bed, puts his hands to my face and kisses me. We begin to kiss fiercely and grope each other with our hands. I feel elated that he's alive, that he loves me and misses me. Words cannot describe the feeling. We're both caught up in the moment but suddenly my instincts tell me something is off. He feels so good under my fingers. I barely notice that he's got his hands in my pants and he's tugging them down with my underwear. Peeta would never get this carried away in a hospital where people could see us. Even in the cave, he came to his senses.

I try to break the kiss to talk but he's not letting me. He's nipping at me and suddenly my body is screaming that this is massively wrong. I have to pull his hair to get him to break the kiss and when I do, my heart stops. His eyes are not blue. No, they're pitch black from his pupils dilating. Peeta smirks and scoops me up and throws me on the bed. Haymitch is banging on the door. I can hear him through the thickness of it. "Peeta let her go! If you touch a fucking hair on her head I'll fucking kill you Peeta! LET HER GO! Somebody open this door, NOW! He's NOT himself!" Haymitch is yelling. It takes me a moment to realize and process everything that Haymitch is saying and then my survival instincts kick in. I don't know what the Capitol did to Peeta, but this is bad. I need to get out of this room. _Now. _

Peeta is pulling on my pants and I'm already struggling with him. Trying to reason with him. Begging him not to do this. I clamp my legs together. This infuriates him. He finally speaks. "What's the matter Katniss? Can't let your HUSBAND in? I heard you let someone else in. You're my fucking wife and you let some bastard into your body. Taking what's mine. MINE. You filthy whore, you mutt. I'm taking back what's mine. I'm gonna rip your fucking insides out! I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll know who your man is. How dare you ever betray me like that, after everything I went through for you. You fucking left me. You filthy slut."

I'm hysterical now. I'm in full out panic mode, Haymitch hasn't gotten in yet. I start screaming at him. "Peeta! Listen to me! I love you, nobody else. I was never, ever with anyone else. You were taken by the Capitol. They tortured you. You were just rescued. Please stop this. Stop what you're doing. STOP! You're hurting me Peeta. You promised that you would never hurt me. That you would always stay with me. Come back to me. PLEASE! Peeta please come back to me!"

My begging infuriates him and he punches me in the face. The blow takes my breath away. My face feels like it exploded. I can't see out of my left eye. Then I feel his hands around my throat squeezing my windpipe. I can't breathe. Peeta is going to kill me. One hand is on my neck and the other has a finger inside me. It'll only be a minute now before his manhood is inside me, taking me by force. I can't make out the commotion around me. It all goes black.

I awaken a few hours later in a hospital room. Haymitch is holding my hand and he's sitting right beside me. I can't open my left eye. I don't know how bad it is but considering Peeta is abnormally strong, even in his weakened state, it's probably pretty brutal looking. I stir and Haymitch snaps to attention. He calls the nurse for more morphling. After I take a sip of water, I find my voice. "What the hell happened to him Haymitch?" Haymitch sighs and tears up "Sweetheart, he's been hijacked by the Capitol. They basically injected him with a series of tracker jacker venom shots, showed him many images of you that weren't true, altered the memories that he did have with you and basically terrorized his mind. He's petrified you're going to kill him too."

I'm processing all of this, "But he'll get better after he's treated right? I mean, he'll remember those good memories, right?" Haymitch doesn't look positive, "The damage goes very deep Katniss. It's hard to say if he'll recover. What we know right now is that he's fine until he sees you. Once he lays eyes on even an image of you, he's petrified you're going to kill him. Then the other part of him feels like you betrayed his love. They programmed him to kill you. Bring about the end of the Mockingjay and this Rebellion." I start to cry. The love of my life, my husband, doesn't remember me and wants to kill me. Can think of nothing else when he sees me. He nearly raped me in his need to hurt me.

It's all a bit much and I start to have a fit. I'm crying and thrashing about in the bed. Screaming. Screaming for Peeta, our lost love, for what they did to us. For what will happen now that he's back. The odds have just never been in my favor at all. I want to kill President Snow right now for all that he's done to Peeta, the tributes, Rue and all of Panem. I make a vow to myself that my arrow will pierce that bastard's heart if it's the last thing I do. The nurse rushes in and gives me a shot of morphling. Again, I succumb to my nightmares.

When I wake again, Finnick is sitting with me. I take a deep breath and so does Finnick. "How are you feeling?" Finnick asks. "Like my husband beat me up Finnick. Is there something I can do for you?"

He chooses his words very carefully before continuing "Katniss, I've been to visit Peeta. He was pleasant and like his old self. He kept asking about you and wanted to know why the doctors kept telling him he couldn't see you. He kept telling me how much he loved you, blah, blah, blah. I asked him if he remembered anything and he told me that all of his memories are shiny and he can't tell what's real or not real. They're all blended together, good times, nightmares and altered visions. He has no idea what happened between the two of you. He's moving between two realities. He has some memories but the rest are really distorted."

Finnick continues. "After a while, he was very persistent about seeing you, wanting to make sure that you were alive and alright. They have him strapped down to his bed. He's actually in the room to your left. I locked the doors, unstrapped him and had Haymitch pull the curtain in your room so he could see you. Two consecutive things happened when he laid eyes on you. The first was natural for Peeta. He went ballistic when he saw the shape you were in. Wanted to know what happened. I told him you were nearly raped and beaten by someone you loved. He was incredibly pained. He said he'd kill the bastard that laid a hand to you. When I told him it was him, he punched me. See my cheek now? Makes me kinda sorry I even told him. So he keeps demanding to see you and pounding on the glass to get your attention. Haymitch closed the curtain to settle him down but the switch had already flipped in his tantrum. He immediately went dark and began to curse you and say you were a mutt. All the things he said and did during the assault came up. It was as if he was a demon. A trained killer."

I start to sob. Gut wrenching sobs and my nose runs all down my face. Finnick grabs a tissue and tries to sooth my fears. "He's in there Katniss. I don't know how long it'll take to bring him back to you but I know he's fighting. Peeta is so in love with you. He would never give up on you. I'm begging you, on his behalf, please don't give up on him. Let time, and healing do it's thing. The doctors will figure this out. I swear on my life I will help Peeta come back to you. I wouldn't be his friend if I didn't help him. He would have my back in a second. His strength spared Annie greater trauma during their captivity. He took all the focus onto himself to help Annie and Johanna. Peeta is worth fighting for. Please keep your faith in him."

I am hysterical now. He calls the nurse for more morphling. She gives me the shot and I murmur before nodding off "He promised he'd always stay with me..."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thanks for all the love. I know the last chapter was pretty dark, but I just can't rewrite what everyone else has done. I'm trying to show Peeta completely conflicted about Katniss in every way shape and form. And I'm also trying to show Katniss in the same light about Peeta. It makes the characters interesting and is less repetitive in other great fan fiction out there. As always, enjoy the story and send some more love!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.**

**Chapter 18**

I open my eyes and yesterdays events begin to trickle back. It's hard to determine what I'm supposed to do from here. Haymitch suspected that the torture for Peeta was intense. He was only shown in a few broad castings and in the last one, he issued a warning to District Thirteen that it would be bombed. Turns out he was right and we were able to prepare and be relatively unscathed. I was always fearful after the bombing that President Snow would have Peeta executed, but even then Haymitch held out enough faith for the two of us that I was the primary target.

I can see why President Snow would do what he did to Peeta. Peeta is my weakness. By hurting him, he would bring me to my knees, and he has. It was hard enough losing him, and under such stressful circumstances to say the least, but to lose him on such an emotional level was haunting. Someday this war will end. Someday Panem will rebuild. When I go home, and I will go back home to District Twelve, what will be left for me? How would I ever walk into our house again? Sleep in our bed without him? I already know that the Victors Village was spared. Would I return to my own house to live there? How could I live two houses down from Peeta for the rest of my life and not be with him? Then I had an even more terrifying thought. What if he didn't return to Twelve? What if he went somewhere else and completely discarded me?

I start to cry. Not just cry, wail. I curl into a ball and just let it out. I'm crying for all of it now. I'm spending myself out over Peeta. I try to remember all of the words Finnick spoke yesterday. His begging me to not lose faith in Peeta, that he will make it through this. It's not that I don't have hope. Peeta has always represented hope to me. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't petrified of him never returning to some resemblance of himself. I don't think I could survive seeing him with someone else. I'm already broken in two, that would shatter me completely.

I'm so sleepy from all of my sorrows. I start to get sleepy and will myself to have a happy dream, a memory instead of some horrid Hunger Games nightmare. Nightmares that Peeta no longer protects me from. My dream is beautiful. We're running through the meadow, holding hands. Peeta picks a dandelion and puts it in my hair. Kisses my lips while the sun sets behind us. Very similar to my vision when I was eleven. Then I see us when we had our toasting. The way the firelight danced on his skin, the twinkle in his eye and the enormous amount of love that was so evident in our toasting. We were madly in love then. Nothing could have broken our bond. I feel like such a failure because I couldn't save him. Couldn't negotiate enough to get him out sooner.

I awaken from my dream and there's a soft rap on my door. I lock eyes with the sweet grey eyes of my best friend. Gale pushes through the door and asks if he can enter, I nod. He takes a seat next to my bed and begins. "Hey Catnip. How are you feeling? I just wanted to come check up on you a bit. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've seen you. Haymitch set me on a path and I had to see it through. I hope you understand." I nod. "Thank you for what you did for Peeta, Gale. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you watching my husband nonstop. Or leaving your life in Twelve for that matter. I appreciate your sacrifice." Gale sips his head and issues a small smile. "Just incase you're wondering Catnip, about my feelings towards you, with all the time apart, they have become platonic. We're good now. That is, if you can forgive me for keeping my distance in the first place. I just needed some time to cope and then Haymitch got to me. I'm going to make a life out of the military when this war is over. I've found something that suits me."

I grab Gales hand "I'm happy for you Gale. You deserve to be happy. I hope we can be close again someday soon. It's been tough not having my best friend around. Would I be out of line, asking you about some details about Peeta and the Capitol? I already know that you posed as a Peace Keeper and that you were his guard, Is there anything else you can tell me to help me understand what happened and how to deal with it? I'm really at a loss right now."

Gale takes a deep breath and tells me the story. "After meeting Haymitch outside your door, we took a walk and he basically gave me the low down on the Rebellion. Told me that the whole thing was going to come to a head at the Quarter Quell and that he needed a man on the inside to protect Peeta. He told me about Thirteen, instructed me to pass on limited information to Rory and then I made my way out into the woods within an hour of being on your doorstep. Once I arrived there with Haymitch's instructional note, they began to train me for a few months and then inserted me into the Capitol Guard as a Peace Keeper. I was to advance as rapidly as possible and get myself stationed in the prison. It wasn't very difficult to do. When they brought Peeta in, I had to beat him up. I'm sorry. But after that, I barely laid a finger on him. He wouldn't give up any information about the Rebellion or you. The Capitol still doesn't even know that you're married. That your connection runs that deep. When he wouldn't crack, they started injecting him with tracker jacker venom. It made him hallucinate and screwed with all of his memories and nightmares. He couldn't distinguish reality from non reality. He still didn't waiver. So then the doctors started using doctored images of you in all forms. With other men, audio, telling him you didn't love him, images from the Games. They tried to play it that you didn't love him. He still wouldn't cave. But then they began showing him you in mutation form and I guess he mind just couldn't take any more. He cracked and let those images in. He became so fearful of you, that he wants to kill you. He knows that he's drawn to you, that something transpired between the two of you, but his real memories are lost in his mind. And he did suffer beatings but we were instructed not to touch his face. It needed to be camera ready at all times. Then it was time to get him out and here we are. I wish I could say he made it here intact but I think he'll be okay. Trust me, his love for you is too great. He never uttered a single traitorous word. Not even one Katniss. And every time he heard a Peace Keeper enter Johanna's or Annie's cell, he would make a commotion to draw attention to himself. They made it out because of Peeta. He protected them more than II ever could. I was there mainly to aid in a rescue should it ever come to someone being held captive."

I think about all of this and squeeze Gales hand a little harder. He truly is my best friend. He also put his life on the line for Peeta and I. If he had been discovered, he would have been executed. I have so much more respect for him than I did before. Gale needs to get down to training and stands up to leave. "Take it easy Catnip. I'll try to visit again before they release you. I hear that you're training too so I know that I'll see you when you get back to that too. Just give it time. Things will all work themselves out." Gale gives me a kiss on my forehead, smiles and walks out the door.

A short time later, Haymitch pops his head in. He examines my shiner and says "When the time is right, I'm going to pop that boy in the face for this black eye. Make it swell up good and tight here. He'll have a damn rainbow on it when I'm done with him. I know it's not entirely his fault but I also know you couldn't hit him hard enough to get the effect that I'm looking for. Yes, Peeta has one coming from me." I shake my head but Haymitch interrupts me and says "Okay I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?" I answer "May as well give me the bad news first then." Haymitch continues "Well, the bad news is that the boy is all fucked up and it's going to take lots of therapy to save him, if he even can regain his memories. The good news is that Finnick and I have been talking to him quite a lot today and he's eager to get better. Asked a lot of questions about you. He knows he has an impeccable bond with you, he's drawn to you in several ways, and he also knows that he is physically attracted to you as well. He also determine, on his own, that seeing you triggers him to have an episode and try to harm you. What we don't officially know yet, is if speaking to you also triggers and episode. He wants to try to talk to you. By phone or speaker, something. He's aware of what happened yesterday and wants to apologize. He's also very emotional about wanting to determine real memories from false ones. Would you be up for talking to him?"

I inhale. This is a lot to take in. I love Peeta, want him back more than anything but I can't help feeling like a victim after yesterday. I guess just talking wouldn't hurt would it? It's been so long since I really heard his voice. Before I can convince myself that this is a bad idea, I agree to talk to Peeta on the phone. This is going to be a very difficult road to travel but I have to start somewhere, for the both of us. I only pray that it works as well as it sounds.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Back with some more great story. _PLEASE_ show some love and review or add a story alert. Makes me beam and want to write some more. Trying to keep up with this wicked pace. Lighter stuff for you all today. Remember, they've got to grow back together. Makes it worth the wait!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 19**

I glance at the clock. I guess Peeta is supposed to be calling over to my room soon. I'm so nervous. There's the clock again. I'm biting my nails down to the cuticle. I'm an absolute wreck. There's a soft knock at the door and Mr. Mellark sticks his head inside. I smile at him. He is such a sweet man. He asks if he can come in and I nod. He walks over to my bed and I motion for him to sit in the chair beside me. He takes out a cookie shaped like a Lily, my mother's name, and presents it to me. I love his cookies, but not more than Peeta's. Peeta is absolutely the best baker and I swear he puts his father to shame, although I would never admit that. It must be the little extra love Peeta puts into his work.

After eating the cookie, I speak. "Thank you Mr. Mellark. I'm sorry it's been so long since we've seen each other or really spoken. I'm sorry about your wife too." He smiles and nods. "Yes, it's been to long and for god sakes Katniss, please call me Don. You make me feel like an old man using my given name. You're family." I start to tear up. "I'm not sure if "family" would be the right word to call me as of right now. Peeta can't seem to remember anything. It cuts worse than a knife." Don uses this moment to offer me some comforting words. "Let me tell you something about my son Katniss. Peeta has been in love with you since he was five years old. I know you know that but there's more, from a father's perspective. He has always been fond of you. He always stuck up for you if my wife had a snide comment, if he heard something negative at school. He would always tell me how he "almost" had enough courage to talk to you in class or if you brush past him and grazed his arm. I never saw such affection at such a young age. Even in my feelings for your mother, and I know you know about them too. He was petrified that you volunteered for your sister, and he said goodbye to me in the Justice Building. He had every intention of sacrificing himself for you. When you both made it out, he was over the moon. Told me he wouldn't ever let you go and that he intended to marry you. Going into those games gave Peeta his voice. He became a man. And when you married him, you made him the happiest man in the world. I know this entire situation is a strain on everybody, especially the two of you, but I know you love him. Hold tight to that love Katniss. He will come back to you."

I am hysterical now and throw my arms around him and sob. All I do is cry nowadays. I know I need to think positive and just tread slowly. Everything happens for a reason. Don parts from the embrace. "I think I'll be heading down to dinner now. Is there anything I can send up for you? I know Peeta will be calling soon. He was anxious. I filled in a few blanks for him. The doctors have been monitoring him all day. He's nervous that he's going to have an episode on the phone, so just be patient if he does. We just have to play it all by air. Good luck tonight honey." He gives me a kiss on my forehead and squeezes my hand goodbye. My father was amazing and I'm happy to say that Peeta's father is equally amazing.

It's just past dinner time when my phone rings. I take a deep breath and answer it with a hello.

"_Hi" Peeta says._

I hope this isn't too awkward. I'm ecstatic to be speaking to him but at the same time, dreading the call. I personally hate phones as well, but it's a sacrifice that I'm willing to make just so I can talk to him.

I finally find my voice. "How are you?" I ask.

I can hear him breathe, _"Better today._ _You?"_

"Same here" I reply.

"_I don't know where to start. Um, I'm sorry about your face. I didn't mean to hit you. I don't even_ r_emember hitting you. It's like I blacked out when I had the fit. I'm really embarrassed about it. I'm sorry. I won't let it ever happen again. I promise."_

I sigh, "It's okay Peeta. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it. I could tell something wasn't right, right away. Your eyes went completely black."

"_They did? I didn't know that. I'll have to tell the doctors. They think they can help me, ya know. They said it would take a lot of energy on my part but they're confident I can get better. Do you think I can get better?" _

I smile to myself "I know you can get better Peeta. You're a fighter. You're pretty persistent."

_He continues, "So, my father visited me before and he answered some of my questions, told me a few stories. The doctor's think that I should be asking if things are real or not real so I can figure out what's going on inside my head. Everything is all jumbled right now, kind of shiny. Like when we got stung by the tracker jackers. It's hard to explain. Could I ask you some questions? Hey I just realized I'm okay hearing your voice. I guess that's a step in the right direction. Right?" _

"It works for me Peeta. I like talking to you. Ask away." I answer.

_Peeta hesitates. "So, my father told me that we are actually married. Real or not real?"_ "Real."

"_How long have we been married?"_ "Ten months and five days."

"_Did we have a wedding?"_ "Just a toasting. We told my family before we went to the Justice Building for the license. We told yours afterwords. Your mother didn't take it well at all. She tried to hit you again. "

_He gasps "She did? In front of you? What happened?"_ I laugh " I caught her hand midway and told her I would personally remove it from her body if she ever touched your handsome face again. She wasn't too pleased with me. Then you father gifted us the Bakery as a wedding present. That really pissed her off so he rid himself of her and kicked her out. He did try to save her during the bombing. She was stubborn till the end. I'm sorry. I know she's still your mother."

"_It's okay. Water under the bridge now." He continues._

"_Okay, so now onto other questions. We were in the Hunger Games together?"_ "Real."

"_We kissed in the cave."_ "Real." "You were faking it." "Not real."

_When you dropped the tracker jacker nest, you were trying to kill me?"_ "Not real. I needed all of you to scatter. You had me trapped in the tree. I got stung too several times."

"_The berries at the end. We were going to commit suicide."_ "Real but I had hoped they would react exactly how they did. It was a huge gamble."

"_Your favorite color is green."_ "Real, and yours is sunset orange." I can hear him chuckle.

"_I paint."_ "Real."

"_What do I paint?"_ "Sometimes your nightmares , but mostly you paint or draw me."

"_I'm going to ask really personal questions right now. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. They showed me so much crap in the Capitol and I'm conflicted about a lot of images. Is that okay." _

"Yes" I reply.

"_Okay, so we're married. Um, so we've been intimate obviously, right?"_ I gulp "Real." Peeta gulps too.

"_Okay I'm gonna skip some of that. I think I'll figure that stuff out on my own. Um, you've never been with any other guy besides me?"_ "Real. And you were never with any other girls either." He breathes a sigh of relief.

"_I spent a really romantic day on the roof with you before the Quell."_ "Real."

"_I took a bath with you."_ "Real, all the time. The bathroom was one of our favorite spots."

"_You're favorite bread are my famous cheese buns."_ "Real again Peeta."

"_You knew about the Rebellion. That's why you shot at the force field."_ "Not real. I had no idea but you did. I don't even know why I did it. It was so crazy in the moment."

"_I tried to rape you when we first saw each other, after I was rescued."_ "Real. Let's not talk about that."_"I punched you and told you I'd kill you."_ I don't answer him.

_He gets impatient. "Katniss, answer for me."_ I sigh "Real. Again, I don't want to talk about that. I already told you that I forgive you."

"_Okay, I'm sorry. I just needed to hear out loud for some reason. I don't want you to think that I'm going to let myself off the hook so easily."_ He stutters a little. He's nervous, I can tell.

"_Katniss, I want to see you."_ "No Peeta, you don't. Seeing me will trigger an episode. We're having a nice conversation here. I miss the sound of your voice. Please don't take that from me after so long. You'll take one look at my face and have a fit like yesterday. I just won't allow it tonight. When the time is right, we'll test the waters. Agreed?" He relents and agrees.

I start this time. "I think they're releasing me tomorrow. It's going to be hard not being at least right next door to you. This whole experience is new for me, and I don't like it."

"_I don't like it either Katniss. I'm so conflicted. I feel such an amazing pull towards you. I see some of our memories or just my perceptions of you, of us, happy. And then I see mutts and you angry with me and wanting to kill me. I wish I could block all of that out. I feel this incredible urge to leap out of this bed and bang down your door to see you. I feel like I'm not taking in enough air. It scares the hell out of me. I know that whatever feeling I had for you prior to the Capitol is so strong. It just hasn't fully returned to me yet because of all the bad stuff in there. So on the one hand, I know I can't see you_ _because it could trigger a violent reaction in me and I could hurt you. On the other hand, I feel like if I_ _see you, hold you, that somehow it will trigger the love I felt for you before too. I don't know what to do." _"We wait Peeta. That's what we do. We take it slow and let the doctors watch you. It's all we can do for now."

"_Another question Katniss. You love me, real or not real."_ "Real Peeta. More than life itself."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Chapter 20 already! I have been one busy chick for the week! This story isn't even 10 days old yet! Please review or add a story alert. I'm not into withholding updates for reviews. That's why I'm cool with story alert and an occassional review. No point in writing a story if nobdoy is ready it. So show me that you are. Thanks! oxox**

**Chapter 20**

A couple of weeks have gone by now. Peeta and I have continued our nightly conversations, answering and asking questions of each other. It feels therapeutic for both of us. I miss him so much. Rye has been such a huge help during this whole time too. He's really kind of like my partner in crime so to speak. After I was released from the hospital, it was very difficult to not at least wander down to the Hospital ward to try to get a glimpse of Peeta. I mean, I can hang out at the Hospital if I want to right? I'm his wife and my mother and sister work there. They can't kick me out. However, Haymitch is like a giant bulldog and won't let me anywhere Peeta's room.

He knows things have been going well between the two of us and he doesn't want to jinx it. Don also agreed with Haymitch so that left me with few options. I found an ally in Rye one night at dinner before I was due to get a call from Peeta. The following morning he smiled at breakfast and whispered in my ear that he would help me get a look at him. When we got to the ward, it was Don's turn to guard the room and make sure I wouldn't enter. Rye gave Don some story about the Dining Hall ovens being on the blink. He got all excited and followed Rye to check them out. It was then that I got my first glimpse of Peeta through the small window in the door.

He was drawing. He was all wrapped up in the moment and didn't notice me. He looked so much healthier than when he had arrived in District Thirteen. His blonde curls were a bit longer and hanging in his eyes. How I longed to touch them and move them out of the way so I could actually gaze into those azure eyes of his. He is absolutely beautiful and it stuns me how he always manages to take my breath away. I think I stare just a little too long at him because then his eyes catch mine. Shit! I have to hide. If Haymitch finds out that I disobeyed orders, he's going to keep Peeta from me even longer. I start running away from the door, unsure of what to do. Then I hear my name roll off his tongue "Katniss." I am so screwed. My back is to him, far enough away that I can run if he has an episode. I'm afraid to turn around. Peeta says my name again "Katniss." I slowly turn around and it's inevitable that I make eye contact, it's just who I am.

Peeta seems okay for a moment and then I notice him clench his fists at his side, his eyes go black, his breathing deepens. He's going into the episode. He's not strapped down, there's nobody guarding him. He keeps staring at me, unmoving. I'm frozen still. I can't move. I'm welded to the tile. I'm so stunned that I'm just taking in the site of him going through the transformation. I don't speak. I don't want to further agitate him. He stands there, breathing in and out, very deep breaths to steady his heart beat. I can tell his mind is moving a mile a minute. He says nothing. Just stares at me.

What he does next startles the hell out of me. He starts pounding his fist into the concrete walls. His hand is immediately bloody, he's going to break it for sure. I'm speechless. "Peeta!" comes out of nowhere. I turn around and find Van plowing into him. Something in that transaction snaps Peeta out of his episode. He collapses under Van, all the blood from his hand all over his shirt and the floor where they landed. Peeta looks like he's losing consciousness and he keeps repeating the same line "I didn't hurt her, I didn't hurt her." I'm overcome with emotion. Peeta just fought his way out of a horrible experience and all he can think about is not hurting me.

My dam of tears breaks and I hold my hands to my face, trying to stifle my sobs. I start backing away and bump into a nurse coming out of a room. Van notices the interaction and recognizes I'm about to flee. He motions to me "Katniss, don't go. Tell me what happened. I can't talk, I'm devastated. It's because Peeta saw me that he experienced such pain. I did that to him. If I had behaved and stayed away, he would be fine, wouldn't have gone through all of that. It exhausted him. I keep backing away and turn on my heel to run. All I can hear is the echo of Van's voice hollering for me to come back.

I run. I never slow. I push through people, advance the elevator and several sets of stairs. I need to escape. I need to get to the woods. Though they are not the woods of District Twelve, the woods of District Thirteen suffice. I can't breath, I'm suffocating. I need to be alone. I can hear people calling me. I am all alone and lost. I just made things ten times worse because I missed Peeta so much. It was never my intention to have Peeta see me. I feel so stupid. Haymitch is going to skin my hide.

I'm crashing through the woods, not paying attention to my path. Brush is catching on my clothes, my face, my hair. I can feel a small trickle of blood over my right eye. A branch or thorn must have snagged me. I keep running. I finally stop after it seems like I've run forever. It's getting darker now. The sun is setting. I curl into a ball and watch it. That beautiful orange that is Peeta's favorite color. I have a montage of flashbacks just then. Peeta and I, our foreheads pressed together with the sun setting in the background, the way his lips curl up when he smiles, the moonlight radiating off of him when we made love one time, making love in the shower, when he bakes my favorite cheese buns without a shirt on, so many memories. They go on and on. In the short time it takes for the sun to say goodnight, I've remembered so many wonderful things about my husband. I'm terrified that I will never get him back. It's a thought that I just can't seem to accept, to contemplate. I give into my fears, curl up into a ball on the ground and just let my body rid itself of tears.

"Rye, I found her. She's over here." I hear Gale approach me and tread carefully. I'm having some kind of strange out of body experience. I think all the drama has just temporarily rendered me unresponsive. Rye gets to me and kneels beside me, taking my hand in his. "Katniss, Peeta is fine. He's more than fine. After he woke up, he remembered what happened and was over the moon that he was able to control the impulses and not harm you. The doctors are impressed. They said you could see him if he's tied down. Can you hear me? You can see Peeta. He's fine, you're fine, we're all fine. Can you hear me Katniss." I nod my head ever so slightly.

Gale breaks into the conversation. "Let's just get her back and get her cleaned up. I'm sure she'll snap out of it. It's just been a long day for her. Lets see how she is when we get her back inside and get her something to eat and warm her up. She'll be fine." "Sounds like a plan" Rye agrees.

Gales picks me up and carries me back to base. My mother and Prim are waiting for me in my apartment. Gale and Rye leave me in their capable hands. My mother strips me out of my clothes with Prim's help and places me right in the bathtub. She lets me soak for a while, to warm up and then washes my hair and body down for me. She gets me out of the tub, dries me, puts me in my pajamas and then braids my hair. I feel like I'm eight years old again instead of nearly eighteen. Prim leads me from my mother's care to the table and makes me eat a small bowl of broth. She would've given me stew but she knew how upset I am and didn't want me to be sick. After I finish, they put me in bed, give me kisses and leave the apartment for the night. They aren't gone ten minutes when my phone rings.

Nobody calls me except for Peeta. On impulse I answer it. "Hello", I choke out. "Katniss, thank god. I was worried sick. I'm so sorry about today. Are you okay?" This boy is absolutely crazy. Is he really trying to accept responsibility for my lack of caution? "I'm fine Peeta. Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. I shouldn't have spied on you. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. It had been so long since I had seen you. I didn't want to trigger an episode and that's exactly what I did. I'm the one that is sorry." Peeta interrupts me. "Katniss, I was elated when I saw you. I've been wanting to see you since that first day. I'm sorry that seeing your face had that kind of negative reaction. However, something wonderful came about from it today, because of you. I was able to control it. I had an inner battle with myself and was able to control the impulses to hurt you. The doctors were really impressed."

I take a deep breath. "I'm happy for you Peeta. I want you to get better. More than you'll ever know.

But I can't go through that again. I'm sorry. I saw how much pain it put you in. I just can't do that to you again." He starts in on me. "Oh no, you're not going to do this to me Katniss. I want to see you. Seeing you and triggering the fit will be the only way I can fight to overcome it and gain control. All of these baby steps are helping me get better." I think about it a moment and respond. "It's not gonna happen Peeta. We need more time."

"You're not going to play that card with me Katniss. I've already spoken to Haymitch and with his blessing, I have an invitation for you. Please come have breakfast with me in the morning before you head off to train." My mind races but Peeta continues on. "Haymitch will be outside the door. The doctors are going to tie one arm and both legs down. I'll have on hand to eat with. You'll sit near the window to eat your breakfast. I need to test these waters and get stronger. The only way that it can happen is if you do it with me. I'm just not going to make it without you."

This is so hard for me because I love him so much. I have the hardest time refusing him, even when his ideas are outrageously stupid. I resign myself to the fact that I will do anything to bring him back to me. I cradle the phone against my ear and say the words. "Fine Peeta. You win."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Remember to review! I came home from work and found lots of love (reviews/alerts) waiting for me. It takes me all of 45 minutes to write a chapter so if you keep showing love, I'll keep posting daily, sometimes more! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.**

**Chapter 21**

Pacing is something that personally drives me crazy. I hate it when people do it. Today, I'm doing it and now I'm even more aggravated with myself. I can't believe I agreed to have breakfast with Peeta. Not because I don't want to see him, I can't wait to see him. It's because I don't want to be the cause of any pain or discomfort for him. I know that I didn't hijack him. The Capitol did. But it's my face that sends him into a frenzy. I know he wants to get stronger and be able to will himself out of those moments and I respect that, want that. I just don't want to cause him strife in the process.

The bitter pill about all this is that I know he's just as excited to see me too. I don't know what it is about Peeta and I. It's like we compliment each other so perfectly. Like we were absolutely made for each other. Makes me wonder how two kids from the poorest District could actually endure what we have and still be lucky. It was lucky that we even discovered each other and made a true connection amid the problems of District Twelve. It was unlucky that we were reaped, but fortunate that we got to know each other and made it out of the games. It was luck, that our demons after the games, didn't drive us apart but rather together to take care of each other. Peeta and I seem to always be on this road to and from each other. I'm determined to break the cycle and keep him with me once and for all this time.

I head out of my apartment and close the door behind me. I'm anxious to get there and see if this goes well. I say hello to people in passing. When I'm passing the Dining Hall, I see Gale and Madge and Van and Johanna engrossed in conversation. I think something is up with all of them. They look a little too happy. I make a mental note to ask Rye clue me in on the gossip going around so I stay in the loop. Don't want to feel like an idiot. I get to Peeta's door and Haymitch is waiting for me, as promised.

He gives me a hug. It's just what I need. "Morning sweetheart. You okay?" he asks. "Yeah, I think I can handle this. I just hope it goes well. I really miss him." I answer back. Haymitch nods and says "well it's now or never. The boy has been anxious all morning. Even prettied himself up for you. I must say, you look nice yourself. You kids are too cute!" He pinches my cheek and gives me a pat on my butt to push me through the door. Once I'm in, there is no escaping. When I lock eyes with Peeta I see that they're still blue and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Hey, good morning. They're bringing breakfast in a few minutes. You can sit wherever you feel more comfortable. How did you sleep?" Peeta asks. His voice is so smooth when he speaks. I already feel at ease. "Um, I didn't sleep too well. Nothing new. You?" I ask. He grins, "Not too good either. It's draining. Have a seat, you're making me nervous." I glance over to the chair near the window and sit myself down in it. I'd really like to sit closer to him but I don't want to freak him out. It's my turn to start. "So how's it going with the limbs tied down thing? I feel bad they have to do that to you while I'm in the room." He shrugs "It's okay. Not a big deal. Worth it to have you for a visit." Peeta laughs then and addresses the small window on the door. "Hey Haymitch, if you get any closer to the window, you'll be making out with it. A little privacy please? You're right outside." Haymitch gives him the finger and retreats to his seat. We both crack up. Peeta can be such a smart ass.

Breakfast comes and Haymitch takes the opportunity to deliver it personally. Probably trying to spy on us just a tad. He places the tray down on the table and says, "When you're all better Peeta, I'm gonna fuck you up for all the stress you've put me and the girl through. Just a heads up boy." It's Peeta's turn to give Haymitch the finger and then he shoos him out of the room. We both laugh again. It feels good to laugh for a change. We start eating our breakfast of eggs and bacon. There's coffee and juice as well. I fix my coffee and he stares at me for a minute. Then he says softly "I told you to fix your coffee like that. Light and sweet. You would have it black." He remembered! "Real Peeta." He beams. "Mind if we play some more real or not real while we visit?" he asks. "Fire away Mellark." The coffee is really good. I fold my legs up into the chair and warm my hands around the mug. Peeta thinks for a moment, probably about where to start with his questions.

"Um, in the cave, you gave me sleep syrup, hoping to dull my senses and kill me." "Not real. I gave you sleep syrup because you needed medicine for blood poisoning from your leg wound. You wouldn't let me go to the feast alone to fight for it."

"You let my hand go at the Cornucopia and I fell down towards the mutts." "Not real. I grabbed you and pulled you up. Obviously, you're still alive Peeta."

"Back at home, you secretly had a thing for Gale and not me." "Not real. Gale has always been my best friend and nothing more to me. You and I just never really spoke. I should have said thank you for the bread the following day and you just couldn't even look me in the eye. I assumed you didn't like me so I just let it go."

"Okay, I'm back to some personal stuff." he says. I interject "Can we leave that for the phone tonight?"

"No deal. Now is just as good a time as any" he says. I groan.

"The first time we made love was on our wedding night?" "Not real." I blush.

"Katniss, I would never do that before marriage. You have to be lying to me." I blush some more.

"Why don't we call your buddy Haymitch in here so he can tell you all about it?" I offer.

"Haymitch knows about it? Why does Haymitch know about it? How the hell did this happen?" I laugh and go get Haymitch. He comes in, not knowing what he's in for. "What can I do you for?" he asks.

"Haymitch, I just asked Katniss if our first intimate time together was on our wedding night and she said no and that you could tell me all about it. I consider myself a pretty traditional guy so I want to hear how I ended up in bed with Katniss prior to a commitment with her. Tell me." Haymitch gives me a dirty look. "Nice going sweetheart. Throwing me under the bus because you two couldn't keep your pants on. You jerk." "Whose calling who a jerk Haymitch? I'm not the one that played a drinking game with two pent up horny teenagers who hadn't spoken in two months. You're the jerk. I'm glad the view you got shaved ten years off your life." I bark. He scoffs "It was twenty years sweetheart. I walked in on you both twice, remember?"

Peeta has heard enough "Would somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on here? We were drunk? Haymitch walked in on us? What do you mean we didn't talk for two months? Somebody better do some explaining because I don't recall any of this. I'm trying to remember so many things." Haymitch keeps going. "You were mad at sunshine over here because you thought she liked Gale when you were getting home from the games. You avoided her for two months. One night, you both end up at my house and I get out a bottle of white liquor and figure I'm gonna get you both drunk while playing black or red, a card game. You were red, she was black. I throw the card down with your color, you're safe. If it's not, you take a shot and the winner asks you a question that you have to answer honestly. I took a shot for every time I dealt the cards. Sweetheart kept losing and was getting pretty lit. You caught up to her. You were both asking pretty elicit questions of each other. When she finally got aggravated, she grabbed the bottle and stormed off to your house, you were hot on her heels. I drank some more, passed out and then when I got up in the morning and went to check on you Peeta, I found you both naked as jaybirds all wrapped up in your sheets. Then after you got married, I walked in on you again and there went another ten years. You can fill in the rest of the details sweetheart. I'm all done with this conversation." He walks away and shutters.

Peeta looks at me and asks "Is he for real? Is everything true up to that point?" "Real" I nod. "Tell me what happened after we left his house. I had plans for us. I still can't believe I let it go that far."

I smirk "well, we got to your house and we were just going to continue but you upped the stakes. I didn't want you to win the little game. Lots of sexy little details had come out and I was determined to make you uncomfortable somehow and win. You decided that seeing me naked would be better. So, whoever lost the round, did the shot and took off a piece of clothing per the request/demand of the other." Peeta cannot suppress a grin.

"Did I get you naked first?" "Nope. I got to gawk at you a for a moment before you got me out of my bra and panties by winning the last two rounds." Peeta is turning pink. "So you're telling me that we were staring at each other naked? What happened next?" It's my turn to go red. "I won the next round. I told you to kiss me and the rest was history. No holding back after something that erotic." Peeta's mouth is hanging open. He's blushing so hard now. "Jeez Katniss, I don't know what to say."

"It's okay Peeta. We both made the decision and besides, our Toasting was right after wards. We more than made up for it with our vows and our wedding night."

Peeta pats the spot next to him on the bed. I don't hesitate to go over to him. This morning has gone more than well. I get butterflies in my stomach just being so close to him. I sit down and he leans up a little bit. He's within kissing distance to me now. Peeta closes his eyes and leans in to smell my hair. He brings his fingers to my braid and takes the band out. Letting it fall in waves around my shoulders. He runs his free hand through it. I close my eyes. I just want to savor this moment while I can. Peeta brushes his lips across my cheek and to my lips. He doesn't kiss them really, just brushes his lips against mine, our foreheads touching. The whole experience is very sensual.

We both linger for a few moments and then I slowly open my eyes to find his blue ones starting back at me. I sign in relief. They are still blue. He looks from my eyes to my lips, seeking permission. I have never denied him anything before and I am certainly not going to deny him now. I pray I haven't made a mistake I'll regret later. His lips find mine and we melt into each other. It's like time has stopped. It's just the two of us in this moment. His tongue grazes my lips and I part them to allow him entry. He deepens the kiss then. It's been so long since I've had him with me, that it's hard to get my bearings and bring us back to reality.

When he breaks the kiss, I'm a bit startled. I just didn't expect it to end, we were so involved. I look into his eyes and notice they've darkened, to the point that I grow fearful. Peeta's hand is on my face and he just looks at me and says "Go." I leave the room in a heartbeat. I'm all wound up now. Panting as I make my way back to my quarters to calm down. I decide to bypass my room and just go straight to training. Getting out into the woods or doing some hand to hand combat will do my some good and help me rid some tension.

Some time has gone by now since Peeta's rescue and a mission is in the works to kill President Snow. I've been given the opportunity to personally end his life and I have accepted the challenge. We know that it'll be severely dangerous and that we won't all make it back to Thirteen. It's a risk I'm willing to take to ensure that everyone I love is safe. Basically anyone without a trade is a soldier. Rye and Van are also soldiers but are not on the Star Squad like Gale and I. Having grown up in the woods, we excel at archery and knives. Adding other weapons to the mix, only enhance our capabilities and challenge us. Finnick is also on the Squad. He jokes around often that he's going to steal the spotlight from me and finish off Snow himself. I promise him I have an arrow with his name on it if he tries.

A few more weeks pass by and Peeta and I have been doing great. He's been working on controlling his thoughts, feelings and impulses to kill me quite nicely. It isn't until I have to tell him that I am leaving for a few weeks of propo's that things quickly go downhill. I visit him for dinner, like I've been doing at almost every meal. He's no longer in the Hospital and has his own room that's outfitted with cameras. Haymitch straps him down when I visit and then stays outside, just to be certain. The episodes are becoming infrequent but they do still exist.

I sit next to him and hold his hand. This is going to be difficult. "Peeta, I'm going to have to leave for a little while and do some propo's in other Districts. Coin has ordered it. I haven't been seen by anyone outside of Thirteen since you were rescued and we need to keep the movement strong. She thinks it'll be three or four weeks that I'll be gone but I could be back sooner." I take a deep breath and wait for it.

Peeta's eyes immediately darken as he goes into the episode. I start to get up but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back to him. He's got me in the perfect spot so that he can use his strapped hand too. He grabs me around my waist and holds my leg with his strapped hand. There is no escaping. His voice grows deep and menacing "You can't leave me Katniss. You think you can just walk away from me? Your husband? Now I get it. You never loved me. You tried to kill me. Let the mutts get me. You think you're so perfect because you're Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire. I have news for you Katniss, it's not all about you all the fucking time. You don't give a damn about anyone else but yourself! I would never have left you. Never! Yet you always leave me or try to kill me. You and your fucking survival skills."

I know that this isn't Peeta at all and yet all of this garbage spewing out of his mouth has come from somewhere. I try to be open minded but then I notice his free hand is at my neck and he's squeezing tighter. His eyes are so pitch black. I summon all of my courage and try to speak. "Only a fucking coward would accuse his wife of not loving him. I never left you. Go fuck yourself Peeta."

This only turns him on and he's trying to force his tongue into my mouth. Thank god he's strapped down. I let him kiss me for a moment and then bite his lip, really hard. I taste his blood on my tongue. He throws me back so hard that I hit my head on the cabinet. The sound startles Haymitch into action and he comes barreling through the door. He sees me on the floor and then scoops me up and brings me to my room. I hear Peeta screaming in the background, trying to get out of his straps, yelling to bring back his whore of a wife. I start to cry but Haymitch just holds me close and says Peeta is an ass.

A couple of days go by and it's time to leave for propos. I contemplate saying goodbye to Peeta but can't bring myself to visit him. Haymitch has him confined to his room until I'm gone. He hasn't even requested to see me. I guess it's all for the best. I get on the hovercraft and turn around to look at the base. Sometimes these propos are dangerous themselves. There's opposition everywhere and we are always heavily armed for battle while filming. I stare at the door and wish I could see him one more time. Then I see him, one hand up in a goodbye wave. I blow him a kiss and the door closes.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: So my 14 year old son wakes me up at 6am for $5.00 to eat at his weightlifting competition (he was leaving 2 hours later), sooo wanted to hurt him. Couldn't fall back asleep and came up with the next few chapter ideas. BE WARNED: this story gets darker before it sees the light again, just like in the books. The books were pretty dark throughout and then we have a ten minute happy ending. I've got three chapters written as of today so if you review/alert, I will reciprocate and post them! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 22**

Just as I promised, it's been three weeks since I've been gone from Thirteen when the hovercraft touches down at base. I gather up my things and exit the aircraft. When I get to the door, I wave to everyone and find Prim waiting for me. Mother was working in the Hospital but promised to find me soon when her shift was over. Prim prattles on and starts asking me a million questions about the propos, noticing a few marks here and there on me. We saw a little bit of resistant action but otherwise, it was uneventful. We just traveled to the Districts and kept everyone motivated through seeing me and listening to my encouragement to keep fighting. I give her a big hug and tell her I'll find her later. I'm anxious to see Peeta again.

I start to head towards his room when Haymitch catches up with me. He gives me a hug and says "Hiya sweetheart. How did the tour go?" "Fine Haymitch, just fine. Is Peeta in his room?" I ask. "He nods but I can tell there's more. "Um, yes he is but I'm not sure yet if it's a good idea if you visit him. Things have been very dicey since you left. He's been having an entire inner struggle kind of thing going on, even worse than before. Right now, the side of him that hates you or rather, distrusts you, is in control.

He is very conflicted about you." I stare at Haymitch. I can't believe what I just heard. "Are you telling me that my leaving made him relapse?" Haymitch looks at the floor and mumbles "We think so."

I can't keep doing this. I can't keep putting us both through this. It's been nearly five months since Peeta has been back now and I feel like we're back at the beginning. I didn't expect the doctors to work miracles but I certainly didn't think it would take this long for him to regain some of his memories and feelings. This is a little much for me right now. It's just not in my nature to be optimistic. I feel like it's one blow after another. I'm having my own inner struggle with myself when I find myself outside Peeta's door. I have to at least say hello to him. I can't just pretend that I don't love him or that he doesn't mean anything to me, regardless of how he feels. It just wouldn't be right. I summon my courage and knock on the door.

I hear his footsteps and then Peeta answers the door. "Hey" I say. "Hey, I heard you were getting back today" he says. We kind of stare in awkward silence. I don't think I should go in because Haymitch told me that he's in jerk phase. I kind of just nod and say "well I just wanted to say hello. I guess I'll see you around." Peeta nods his head too and shuts the door. I spin on my heel and begin to walk away when the door opens. Peeta comes out and then walks past me, heading towards the Dining Hall. I am totally confused. Did he just walk right by me? I didn't realize it was lunch time so I make my way there too. It's an easy place to say hello to everyone and catch up anyway. I try not to over think anything when I get there but I am immediately thrown into a tail spin when I arrive.

I grab a sandwich and an apple and sit down to eat with my friends. Everyone is talking all at once and asking how the other is. Rye sits right next to me and whispers in my ear. "Please don't freak out, it's not what it looks like." I have no idea what he's talking about until I hear him laugh. I look down the long table and see him there, with a petite blonde girl laughing at his joke and holding his hand. My blood boils over with jealousy. Peeta is whispering sweet nothings in her ear and she's giddy all over. Then he gives her a light kiss on the corner of her mouth. I can't control myself. I'm out of my seat in a flash and Rye picks me up from behind. It's obvious this little friendship has been going on for a while. I kick him hard in the shin and he drops me. I take my tray and I walk right over to Peeta and throw it at him. Peeta jumps up and yells "What was that for?" I'm screaming now. "How could you be so disrespectful? How could you? How could you disregard our marriage vows?"

Peeta smirks. "What marriage vows Katniss? I don't remember those vows. Some poor, pathetic, love sick version of myself made those vows. I am not him. He is dead. He's not coming back. This is what's left and you can't live with that. And better yet, I can't live with what he was in love with. I can't reconcile any of those memories and figure out what I ever saw in you. You're sullen all the time, you hardly smile, you hardly have a sense of humor, everything is so much work with you. I'm constantly trying to dance around your feelings just as much as you're dancing around mine. And to top is all off. I don't find you particularly attractive or beautiful."

My fist reaches up and strikes his beautiful face. "There's a shiner to rival the one your mother gave you that night. Go fuck yourself Peeta Mellark. I am done with you." I turn around and walk away, taking all the oxygen out of the room with me.

I march myself right to Haymitch's room and find him trying to hide a bottle of liquor. He breathes a sigh of relief when he discovers it's just me. He can tell I'm visibly upset and rushes to me. I catch my breath and lay it out there. "Haymitch, I need you to help me dissolve my marriage." He looks at me shocked and says "Now hold on Katniss. That boy loves you. He is not himself. It has been too soon. His hijacking runs down to his bones. You have to give the doctors more time." I cut him off. "I don't have to give him anything Haymitch. Not when he's obviously fucking around with some blonde hussy and flaunting her all over the Dining Hall. I am done Haymitch. I have to move on with my life. He's not in love with me. He's not even attracted to me. There is nothing drawing him to me. He just basically called me ugly and said so in the Dining Hall. Everyone heard him. I'm done Haymitch. I'm going to kill President Snow and then I'm going home. Peeta is dead to me. He's not coming back. I need to just accept it." Haymitch pulls me into a tight embrace and lets me cry every last tear out.

I avoid the Dining Hall and as many people as I can for a week. After that, Rye is finally able to corner me. We walk for a bit and then he says "So, I hear you're divorcing Peeta." "Yes" I answer. He sighs " I think he needs more time. I'm noticing even slight changes in him just since your little confrontation." I don't let him continue. "Rye, I appreciate what you're trying to do but Peeta is gone. At least the way he was with me. It's never going to be what it was. And if you knew me before all of this, you would know that I'm not one to let my guard down and let people in. It's just the way I am. I cannot keep doing this. I won't make it. I didn't survive two Hunger Games to die from heartbreak. It's not who I am as a person. I have to let him go. I'm going to kill Snow for what he did to Peeta and then I'm going to move on with my life. Just let it go. I have." "You'll never let it go Katniss. I don't think you could ever let him go" he says. I shake my head. "I already have Rye."

I've been training like a mad woman. I just keep exhausting my body in an effort to be in top shape for the final mission. That's all I focus on. If I allow myself to think of anything remotely personal, I'm just going to fall apart. Haymitch has kept a watchful eye on me. He knows what I'm doing, what I'm avoiding. It's been a month since the whole Peeta incident and it's only four weeks until the mission. I have to stay on track. Finnick approaches me and speaks. "Hey, Haymitch is looking for you. Says it's important." I thank him and then make my way inside to the command room. Haymitch is off to the side and he sits me down. He takes a deep breath. "I've got those papers you asked me to get. I have to say my piece before you sign them sweetheart. I think you're making a mistake." I look down at the table and see divorce papers in front of me. I don't know why I'm surprised. It was a simple piece of paper that bound me to Peeta and it's a simple piece of paper undoing my bond to him.

Still, it hurts to see our names in ink. I never, ever wanted it to ever come to this under normal circumstances. It was a miracle that I allowed myself to fall for him in the first place. It was a mistake. Some people are meant to be alone in this world and I am one of them. I pick up the pen with my shaky hand and try to steady myself as it zones in on the signature line. Haymitch tries again but I shake my head as I sign the form, Katniss Mellark. One single tear rolls down my face and my breath escapes me. That is the last moment that I will ever be known by that name. I am Katniss Everdeen now, the girl who used to be on fire. Peeta had ignited the spark that branded me with that name and just as easily, he extinguished it. I excuse myself and leave the room.

I need my mother. My mother lost the man she loved and she will understand my heartbreak. I head over to the Hospital and discover that her shift just ended and I missed her. I double back and begin heading in the direction of her apartment when I pass one of the social rooms. Sitting at a table, playing cards sits my mother and Don Mellark. I watch them for a few minutes, okay several minutes and notice something for the first time in a long time. My mother is blushing. My mother is flirting with Don! Not like I'm not happy for the two of them, but I've got my own inner turmoil going on with the man's son. I decide to let them have their happiness and not watch anymore. It's creeping me out.

I make my way to the apartment hoping to find Prim there. If I can't talk to my mother, then maybe Prim can set me at ease. I open the door and find Rory Hawthorn flying off of her. Both of them have no shirts on! I don't know whether to excuse myself or yell at them. I decide to yell because I'm just in the mood to vent. "Primrose Everdeen! You're fourteen years old! You cannot be going that far with a boy at fourteen years old! Rory, you better hightail is out of here before I put an arrow in you somewhere. I am just so not in the mood. And I will be talking to Gale about this so be prepared." Rory runs out of there while Prim puts her shirt on. She starts to carry on about how she loves him, blah, blah, blah. I wish I could be the sympathetic sister but I can't. I blurt it out. "I believe you Prim. Not saying it won't happen for the two of you. I was in love once too and look where it got me. The ink is already dry on my divorce papers. It's over between Peeta and I. No going back now."

Prim's eyes widen. "I didn't think you were serious Katniss. Are you sure you did the right thing?" "I know I did. He's not in love with me and he doesn't want to be. Doesn't want to rediscover anything between us. It's time to move on and face reality." Prim puts her arms around me and I sob into her shoulder. After a short while, I decide to pump her for information about Mother and Don. "Prim, how long has Mother been interested in Don? I saw them together today. There's definitely something going on between them." Prim's eyes pop and says "I didn't know she was seeing Don." Oops, cat's out of the bag now.

A few days later, I'm at training when Finnick saunters up to me and starts making small talk. I get the feeling that he's trying to distract me or something. Then Gale joins the conversation and they seem just a little too happy to be talking to me. It isn't until I hear his voice that I realize Peeta is speaking to Boggs, my Commander. Boggs is getting loud with Peeta and now he's on the transmitter radioing Coin.

I start to make my way over to the disruption when Finnick grabs my arm. "Don't go over there. You're not gonna like it." "What am I not going to like?" I ask. Gale takes a breath. "Peeta's been assigned to the Star Squad by Coin." I look at him with complete shock and then dash off with him right on my heels. He scoops me up, kicking and screaming, and puts his hand over my mouth. Forcing me to look at him. "Listen to me Katniss. It's no secret that Coin wants you dead. You don't get along with her and truth be told, as the Mockingjay, your popularity exceeds hers. All of Panem would follow their Mockingjay before their President. Finnick and I are on it. We'll figure out what's going on and protect you at all costs so you can kill Snow. I vow it." "I do too Katniss. There's more going on here. We'll get to the bottom of it. Don't give anyone the satisfaction of being pissed off" Finnick says.

I try not to give away my true feelings to both of them but it's really difficult.

I wasn't concerned about Peeta killing me.

I was afraid of somebody killing him.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

I think it's safe to say that Peeta is on this mission in the hope that he's going to snap while in the Capitol, have a massive episode and kill me. He'd probably also have a bad enough one to take out Finnick too. The whole country is in love with Finnick. They'd probably follow him through fire as well. The training days are getting more brutal. My mother and Prim are constantly rubbing me down with one remedy or another. It's already been two weeks since the divorce. I wish I could say it's been a little easier but of course, that's a lie.

My Mother was also really nonchalant about her burgeoning friendship with Don. I know they have history and they are both alone. I'm not married to his son anymore, so the yuck factor has dissolved. My Mother has hinted that when this war is over, she will be leaving District Thirteen, but not returning to District Twelve. For the first time in my life, I will be living far apart from her. Prim hasn't said if she's going with her. Gale has mentioned that he may be moving on too. I guess it's really too soon to tell just yet. I imagine Prim is going to follow Rory if my Mother permits her too. I've already made up my mind. I have to do whats right for me and I belong in District Twelve. I got a look at it when I toured for propos and it's salvageable. Ironically enough, the Victors Village is still intact. Either way, that's where I am going.

I try to just push myself forward. I actually returned to eating in the Dinning Hall right after the divorce. I had to hold my head up high. Even though Johanna and I have never been particularly close, she has taken a liking to me since everything went down with Peeta. She had always been fond of him but his handling of the situation soured her to him. One day, Peeta was flirting with a different blonde girl and Johanna walked by him and said "Douche" really loud and kicked his chair. He fell out of it. It was enough to warm me up to her.

It's also been a help to see her with Rye. He seems to have found happiness in Johanna and she in him. Johanna has nobody left in District Seven. Gale has been searching for that special someone since he gave up hope on me. He seems to have taken a liking to Madge. I heard Van has a thing for Enobaria. That scares the hell out of me but hey, to each his own. And then there's Finnick and Annie. So in love with each other. Their wedding is in a two days. I heard Peeta is hard at work making them a special cake. As happy as I am for them, I'm dreading the actual event. Part of it will be filmed for a propo and then it's just the idea that Peeta and I will be in the same room that a wedding is taking place. I can't help remembering back to our vows.

"_Katniss, I love you. I promise to always do right by you. Protect you, provide for you, make you laugh, paint you, bake for you and make love to you every single day for the rest of my life. I love you more than life itself." He toasts his bread and takes a bite. My turn. "Peeta, I promise to always love you, protect you, laugh at your jokes, heal you, protect you. I also promise to make love to you twice a day and I promise never to leave your side. I love you Peeta. Since that day with the bread, you have always had my heart."_

I have to stop torturing myself. I tried to hang in there. I tried to bring him back. If Peeta wanted to talk to me, he would have. He made a decision and stuck to it. It's admirable really and I'm doing the same thing. In less than a week I'm going to put an arrow in President Snow and I'm either going to be alive to tell the tale or not. Personally, I don't think I'm going to make it back., despite was Finnick and Gale promise. The next couple of days whirl by because of the wedding plans. Annie needed a dress so we were able to venture back to District Twelve and she found one she liked from my closet. It's azure blue, just like Peeta's eyes, just like the ocean in District Four. I wear a yellow dress. I wanted to wear my favorite dress, the orange one, Peeta's favorite, but I just couldn't do it. I get ready for the wedding and I feel good about my appearance. I just have to get through today and the rest will be a breeze.

The wedding is beautiful. Everyone did a great job and the ocean theme was absolutely stunning. Peeta did a marvelous job on the cake as well. I've never seen something so impressive. He is truly talented. Once the real party gets underway, it's champagne for everyone. I've only been drunk once in my life and look where it got me. I'm a bit tipsy tonight and flirting with this really handsome soldier named Ren. He's really adorable and after a few dances and some more champagne, he's looking even better.

He takes me out to the dance floor and we're having a nice little banter back and forth when I hear those four word. "May I cut in?" Peeta asks. Ren looks at me and then I address Peeta. "No Peeta, I'm enjoying myself with Ren. Thank you anyway." Peeta doesn't look amused. "I said, I'd like to dance with my wife." Now it's my turn to look confused. I tip my head over to the blonde and say "then you better go track her down." He looks bewildered. "Katniss, this isn't funny. Please stop." It's my turn to get upset now. "Peeta, I divorced you over a month ago. You signed the divorce papers. Don't you remember? All that ranting about not loving me and how you're not attracted to me, I'm not beautiful, you can't stand me. You kissed that hussy blonde right in front of me during lunch. I could go on and on. You announced it to the entire Dining Hall."

Peeta looks mortified and starts to tear up. His voice is so soft when he speaks."Katniss, I've loved you since I was five years old. You're my whole life. I don't ever want to be without you. I don't know what the hell is going on but I do know that. I didn't sign any papers. I would rather die than divorce you." I stop dancing with Ren and takes his cue to leave. We've caught Finnick's attention now. Gale and Rye are right behind him and they reach us. Rye speaks first. "Hey bro. You okay man? Why don't we go outside and talk?" Peeta looks at Rye and his voice pleads. "Rye, tell me the truth. Did Katniss divorce me?" Rye doesn't know what's going on so he plays along. "Yes Peeta. You told her you didn't want to be with her. She wanted to make you happy so she let you go. You've been kind of seeing Angelina, that blonde girl over there."

Peeta takes a deep breath and steadies himself. He looks right at me, takes my face in between his hands and says, "Katniss, I love you. I promise to always do right by you. Protect you, provide for you, make you laugh, paint you, bake for you and make love to you every single day for the rest of my life. I love you more than life itself." Gale catches me as I faint.

When I wake up, Haymitch is right there, holding my hand. Gale is in the room too. I sit up and rub my head. For the second time in my life, I think I drank a little bit too much booze. I laugh to myself and Haymitch asks me "What's so funny?" I laugh again. "I swear Haymitch, somebody put something in the champagne at the wedding because I had a dream that Peeta didn't know we got divorced. He just didn't believe it. Then he grabbed my face and recited his toasting vows. How crazy is that?"

Haymitch gives a light laugh and then says, "Here's the thing sweetheart. 'Good Peeta' came back to us today. The doctors don't know what to make of it, they're checking him now. Maybe seeing you in the dress or being at the wedding triggered it, who knows? He's kind of freaking out, what with the divorce and everything. I had to to tell him that the divorce never happened, just to calm him down and let them help him." "Haymitch! Why would you tell him such an outrageous lie? Do you know what I've been through? Losing him has killed me ten times over. I will never be the same. What's he going to think when he realizes that you lied to him?"

Haymitch continues. "Sweetheart, you don't have any knives on you, do you? Like little ones in your bra or panties anywhere?" I'm flabbergasted. "Are you dense Haymitch? I went to a wedding. Didn't think I needed my knife with me. Why?" I'm standing now and I'm advancing on him. He starts to back off and puts his hands up. "Now sweetheart, don't get mad at me or hurt me for that matter. I had to make a little executive decision a while back and the gamble paid off."

Gale moves closer to us now, as if protecting Haymitch. I'm growing antsy now. "Spit it out Haymitch." He continues. "Well, you signed the divorce papers first. So I took them to Peeta to sign and he couldn't sign them. I don't know why. He couldn't physically will his hand with the pen to sign the documents. He sat there for a while. Trying to give himself a pep talk. It was really very interesting, but in the end he couldn't do it. He didn't sign them. I had begged you to wait, to give it time. I took his inability to sign them as an omen." I stare at him then he says softly, "so I burned the divorce papers in the fire. You're still legally married to Peeta."

I lunge for his throat and Gale scoops me up and is holding my back whilst I kick and scream at Haymitch. I'm not even a match for Gale. I'm feeling around his pockets and thighs for a knife but of course, it's got to be strapped to his calf or something. "Haymitch, you better run for it. Eventually I'm gonna have to let go of her and it's not going to be pretty" Gale says. Haymitch mutters a thank you and shoos out the door. I can't breathe, I need to escape. I shove Gale away from me and run. I've never run so fast or hard in my life. I run even faster than I did in both games. I run until I reach the surface and my force smashes through the doors. I fall to the ground and pull a piece of glass out of my hand. I can barely feel it anyway. I need to get out of here. The woods, that's where I'm safe. I can feel the blood all over me. I just keep running.

I can feel the brush swatting me and pulling at my intricate braid. I need to escape. He's back. He loves me. We're not divorced. He's back. They're all lies. I had accepted it was over. It's over now. Peeta will probably flip flop in his feeling for the rest of his life. That's no way to live. I can't do it. I signed the papers. I signed the papers. It's over. He doesn't love me. He thinks I'm ugly. He's not attracted to me. I'm sullen. He has no idea what he saw in me. The list goes on and on. It's all replaying in my mind a mile a minute. I'm on overload. My senses are dull. I don't know how far I've gone into the woods. I spin around and try to judge. I'm really deep now. I keep running. If I keep running I could come out in District Twelve. Peeta will kill Snow for me. My Peeta would kill anyone that took me away from him. I keep going. I have no idea where I get the energy from. Then I hit a clearing and I smack right into some kind of invisible wall. I'm trapped! I've definitely hit some kind of trap.

Within moments a hovercraft picks me up. I'm terrified. I have no idea who it is and then I hear him.

"Yes, repeat that. We have captured the Mockingjay."

**A/N: What did you think of that? I've got Chapter 24 brewing now too...Review! XOXO**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: **Thank you all for the lovely reviews and alerts! Left for two hours to help my friend nurse a broken heart and I come back home to 30 of them combined. Very flattering! You give me love, I give you love. Keep in mind: I am totally TEAM PEETA, so no need to worry, ever. Second, remember that some of these "moments" Katniss finds out about later on from Peeta's perspective. I will have to switch up a little to tell the next few chapters. My story is different. I am totally changing it up, just to be creative and give you something different to read. Be kind.

**This is kind of a filler but the next one will be awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 24**

_Peeta POV_

_Haymitch comes bursting through the examining room door and pulls my heart out of my chest. "Peeta, she left the base. There's glass everywhere. I need you to help us look for her. " I jump off the table and run with him. We ascend the stairs and elevator and come to the main doors. Gale comes running to meet us. He's panting, hard. "I've checked everywhere in the near vicinity Haymitch. Finnick and Rye went further in while I came back to lead the team in. My radio isn't working for some reason. There's some kind of interference." Haymitch surveys the damage, bends down to check out the glass. It's then that I notice all the blood. She crashed through this door all by herself. No weapon to aid her. "We have to find her Haymitch." He agrees with me and then looks at me. "Peeta, I know she was unarmed." This is a nightmare. _

_We gather a few supplies and fifty of us spread out in the surrounding vicinity to track her. Even if she ran at her fastest, she would eventually slow down. We head directly into the forest in front of us because Gale assures us that this is her normal entry spot. We do a bit of running, clearing brush and looking for blood on the leaves or trees. About fifteen hundred feet in I find one of her shoes. The other must not be far. Katniss hates heels and would ditch them as soon as she realized they were still on her feet. About one hundred feet up, Haymitch finds the other one. We keep pushing forward. She's traveled really far. Finnick and Rye catch up with us from the East and Finnick poses a serious question. _

_He looks at me and asks "Do you think she would head for Twelve?" "Anything is possible. It's unlike Katniss to come out here at night at all but given everything that went down tonight, she might feel safest back in Twelve." Haymitch looks at me and confirms. "The Victors Village made it through the bombs Peeta. If she made it to Twelve at some point, she would have shelter. Convincing her to return here would be a whole other obstacle." We keep pushing forward. Now is my chance to to them about all that I've missed. I begin the most uncomfortable conversation of my life. It's right up there with telling my mother I married Katniss. _

"_Can one of you please fill me in on what I missed? The last thing that I remember is Katniss telling me she had to leave for a few weeks to shoot propos in the Districts. After that I remember nothing. I vaguely remember waving to her when she left on the hovercraft but that's it. Haymitch goes first. "Basically, she left and you had a relapse. You flip flopped on your feelings. You were mad that she left you and you were terrified it was a lie. That she was going to sneak up on you and murder you." _

"_You started acting like a jerk. Conflicted about Katniss but you seemed to want to be rid of any feelings you had for her. Then you began making your move on the blonde girl, Angelina. You flirted with some other ones too, all blonde. None of them were brunette. We knew something was off to be avoiding them." Rye says. "I knew there was a real problem when you started picking apart all the things that you originally loved about her. She just became not good enough. You remembered that you were married to her. You showed possessiveness. But at the same time, you couldn't stand her. Totally confusing."_

_I'm taking it all in. I look at Finnick. "What else Finn? I know that she spoke to you." Finnick nods. "Peeta, she really tried. She gave you space when we got back. It was a good couple of months. You just didn't snap out of it. Then one day in the Dining Hall, you just let loose on her. You told her you didn't love her, that you couldn't stand her, she wasn't attractive, beautiful. You were all over Angelina and she had had enough. She punched you in the eye. Told you to go fuck yourself. Then she left."_

_I look at Haymitch to finish. "She came to me hysterical. Told me all that these boys just told you. Asked me to help her dissolve the marriage. Said that although she loved you, she loved you enough to let you go. She just wanted you to be happy. So I got the papers together. On the day they came in, she was a mess. Didn't want to sign them but she did. I brought them to you, every intention of having you sign them but you wouldn't. It was like you were having some inner battle between your hand and the pen. You just couldn't do it. I didn't know what to do. I was going to just hang onto them but I knew Katniss would find them sooner or later. Either way, you didn't sign and you were still married. I burned them. Asked Van to keep you from getting too cozy with the blonde and crossed my fingers that you would come out of it."_

_Gale steps in with his two cents. 'The wedding, the vows, the dress. Something must have triggered it there because you came with Angelina. Katniss was dancing with Ren and when she wouldn't dance with you, you got upset saying she was your wife. The rest is history." _

_We come to a clearing now and Finnick yells "Halt!" Something is amiss. There was another foot pattern on the ground, grass was flat and windblown. Something is very wrong. I take a few steps forward when I notice a piece of her dress on the ground and walk straight into trap. They're able to free me. We look around at each other and then back away swiftly. We can see the hovercraft overhead in the distance approaching. It gets closer but we're able to hide. Only when it leaves do I say the unthinkable. "Snow has her." We retreat back to base and all hell breaks loose. _

_Everyone is frantic trying to piece together the events from tonight. Coin has called an emergency meeting. The Star Squad is to assemble and be ready for deployment within the hour. We're ten minutes into briefing when Beetee picks up a transmission from the Capitol. The screen flickers and President Snow is on screen. He makes his address. "Citizens of Panem. There has been a new development in the war effort. Now I know that you all support District Thirteen and follow them in this rebellious quest. I know that you also believe in the Mockingjay and all that has spewed from her mouth. I have the Mockingjay in my possession and I intend to execute her tomorrow evening in the Parade Square. I dare you all to stop me. If anyone,** anyone**, tries to save Katniss Everdeen, I will execute your children. There will be no future of Panem, ever. This little bird has torn our nation apart, forced us into a war because she wanted to bring her lover home with her in the Hunger Games. She doesn't care about Panem, only herself. Tomorrow night I will finally spill her blood for all to see and reunite this great nation. Anyone who tries to stop me will suffer detrimental consequences."_

_Just then Snow grabs her from off camera. Her yellow dress is tattered, blood all down the front of it. She's been knocked around a few times, she's shaking like a leaf. It's definitely Katniss and she is petrified. _


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Thanks for all the love! Shot out to JRDurham for bringing something to my attention. Gotta clear it up. Yes, Peeta was hijacked and yes, he did have a couple of episodes (remember when he was able to control one?) However, I'm portraying him in kind of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde way. He's flipping between two personalities but BOTH personalities are at least aware of the other (feelings etc). Is that too confusing? We're almost out of it and onto the juicy stuff anyway. Remember, gotta tell some things from Peeta's POV to explain gaps in Katniss' memories. She finds out about what happened after the fact. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.**

**Chapter 25**

_Peeta POV_

_Her image won't leave my mind. I keep seeing her, all covered in blood and glass, Snow grabbing her by her hair. I swear I'm gonna fucking kill him. I'm going to slit that bastard's throat for everything he ever put us through. I need to focus on the mission. I have to reach her before he executes her. The hovercraft is reading for deployment. I glance up and find my father waiting for me. I rush to him and embrace him. He just holds me tighter. Neither of us can believe all that has transpired since I was reaped. It's about as real as it can get. He finds his voice. "Peeta, you be careful now. Bring everyone back safe. I'm praying for you son. Just do your best." I nod. "I love you dad. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring but I hope we'll all be together again. Keep Lily and Prim safe too." We hug again and it's time for me to go. Haymitch awaits me on the hovercraft. He's in charge of the hovercraft and our rescue, should there need to be one. _

_We board the hovercraft and Gale gives us the final wrap up. "Star Squad, our mission is to secure the release of Katniss Everdeen Mellark and gain control of the Capitol. We have the majority of our troops standing by to advance upon the Capitol once we secure Katniss's safety. Upon President Snow's execution, the Capitol will fall and Leader Coin will address the nation and be sworn in as the new President of Panem. This mission is meant to end the war tonight. There will be casualties. Some of us will not make it home. Be safe and be proud. Panem will be a nation reborn because of your sacrifice tonight."_

_The hovercraft arrives and drops us off outside the Capitol. There isn't much time to advance on the city before Snow makes a spectacle of killing Katniss. As we near the borders, we take out a few Peace Keepers and are able to disguise a few of us. The rest act as prisoners to gain entry to the Parade Square. I am posing as a prisoner. We've given each other a few punches to make us appear to have resisted. I'm shocked at how easily we are able to gain entry. The mere sight of me has everyone in an uproar and I'm certain Snow was equally delighted to know that he could execute me as well on a national broadcast. The star struck lovers of District Twelve who defied the Capitol and brought about a Rebellion. I'm forced to the stage. Little do they know that it's exactly where I want to be. _

_Katniss can finally see me and the shock on her face is evident. She has no idea what to make of all of this. She just knows that it's all coming to a head in moments. Everything happens instantaneously. I reach the stage, Rebel Forces descend on the Capitol, I take out the guard holding Katniss with my knife, she collapses into me, Gale punches Snow and brings him to his knees captured while the rest of the Star Squad slaughters the remaining officials. It's over. _

_A hovercraft lowers and Leader Coin descends to the stage. The entire Square is riveted on what has transpired. Peace Keepers have surrendered. It's an amazing sight to behold. You can literally feel Panem hold it's breath, waiting for Coin to speak. She approaches President Snow. _

"_President Snow, All of Panem has suffered under your tyranny for many years. You can no longer oppress us any longer. Tell your Capitol forces to stand down or they will be executed on the spot." _

_Snow nods and instructs all forces to stand down and surrender. Coin continues. "I am the new President of Panem. You are a curse on the people of this great nation. My reign will bring about peace and prosperity. I intend to make every person who fought against the rebellion suffer. And I will begin with the 76th Hunger Games, and reap it's Capitol children. Let it be a reminder that the Capitol will now suffer the same fate as all of the Districts these many years."_

_I look at Katniss and she looks terrified...and angry. I slip a knife into her left hand. It's now or never. We just stare at each other. I don't know how it all got so out of control but we have to finish this now. I impulsively kiss her and then nod to her. We're both up in an instant. I approach Gale and slash President Snow's throat. Katniss attacks President Coin and stabs her in the heart. There's blood everywhere. We look insane, we're just covered in blood everywhere. Katniss raises three fingers to her lips and raises her right hand to the sky. I do the same and then we're arrested. We've assassinated both Presidents on live television. _

_We're whisked away to the cellars and tossed in together. We cling to each other. Katniss is so hysterical from the entire ordeal that she cries it all out and then falls asleep in my arms. Being down here is bringing about a change in me. I'm having flashbacks of my torture in the Capitol. I know what I've gone through. I know how I feel about Katniss. I also know that when I have an episode or regress, I become a man that hates Katniss and wants to kill her. I plead with myself to hold it together. The last time I flipped, she left me. I hurt her so horribly. I just can't ever imagine hurting her. _

_These walls are closing in on me. I feel like I'm suffocating. The residual tracker jacker venom is making it's way to the forefront. I'm in a dark cell with Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire. She's tried to kill me so many times before. Never loved me, lied in front of the cameras, used me, made a mockery of me. It would be so easy to enclose my hands around her throat and put her out of her misery. I stare at her, petrified of her, even while she's sleeping. She has always had some strange kind of effect on me. Something I am powerless to control. I move away from her and watch her from across the cell. _

_Some invisible force pulls me toward her again. I move the hair out of her face and stare at her. Shes got blood on her face. I can see glass embedded on her arms and legs. Just then the cell door opens and I skitter back to the wall. Gale walks in. "Peeta, what the fuck happened out there? You both went fucking crazy! I don't know if Haymitch is going to be able to get you both out of this. Here's a first aid kit, some water and some clean clothes. Get yourselves cleaned up. I'll be back soon with some food." He leaves as quickly as he came. _

_I stare at the items. I'm sure I'm a mess. I clean myself up a bit and change out of the bloody clothes and into the fresh ones. I'm relatively unharmed. Just had blood on me from the actual killing. Katniss on the other hand has glass and cuts everywhere. I don't know what blood is hers and what isn't. I could kill her right now and be done with it. She would never wake up. Never see the monster in my eyes. She would never be able to hurt me again. Hurt me again. It sounds so strange when I think it. I say it out loud. "She would never be able to hurt me again." How could she hurt me in the first place? _

_She's a tiny thing. She could never over power me. How could she ever actually hurt me? Then as if some inner voice has heard the entire conversation, I hear it's voice. "She could leave you." Leave me? I'm contemplating killing her right now, why would I give a damn if she leaves me? She could leave me. That would imply that I don't want her to leave me. I know I've always had a pull to her, knew that an alternate, better version of myself loved her, but I'm so different now. What is this hold she has on me? I can't reconcile all of my other memories with the new ones that I've had since being hijacked. _

_I don't know what to do. I'm so conflicted. I start to clean her up with the first aid kit. I remove the first piece of glass in her hand and a wave washes over me while I'm holding it. Visions, flashbacks. A hand picking a dandelion, holding hands, her hand on my face. I shake my head and continue to wash up her arms and hands. Bandaging her up where needed. I start on her legs. I move up the hem of her dress and see a scar. Another vision, I'm putting salve on it in the games, kissing it. I look at her face. She's oblivious to what is going on. _

_I work on her face next. I'm starting to tremble now. I clean her off, put some salve on her cheek. More flashbacks. Her smiling at me in the bakery, rubbing a tear away with my thumb, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, her eyes, looking at me like she's hungry for me, the welt on her cheek, the one I gave her when I tried to force myself on her, lips. Her beautiful lips. Kissing me. I'm hyperventilating now. It's all coming back to me in droves. _

_I have to change her clothes now. I lift her up slightly and slip the dress off of her. She's in her bra and panties. She's exquisite. She takes my breath away. They flood me all at once. Kissing her all over, caressing her breasts, pushing inside of her, her creamy skin, my fingertips trailing her collarbone, her back arching to receive me, touching her, always touching her, kissing her neck. I love you. I hear my voice say it to her. I hear her say it back. Stay with me? She asks. Always, I answer her. _

_It's like I'm flung out of some horrifying nightmare and shoved against the wall. I feel some kind of release. All of the events from the past few months come crashing into my head. I hurt her. Broke her heart. Flirted with Angelina in front of her, she hit me, I can feel the sting on my cheek. The look in her eyes. I broke her heart. She left me, gave up on me, let me go. I said I hated her, she wasn't beautiful, I don't know what I saw in her. The papers. I remember seeing the divorce papers Haymitch brought me to sign. I remember seeing her name there. She signed them. She gave up. She didn't want me to stay anymore. She was leaving me. Moving on. I feel sick. I can't lose her. I won't lose her. I'm not going to ever lose her again. I throw up right there. I'm disgusted with what I've put her through. I refocus my attention on Katniss. I finish changing her and then pull her into my lap. _

_The door opens and then Gale comes back in with some food and water. He pulls Katniss out of my arms and lays her down. Then he grabs me by the collar and yanks me out of the cell. I start throwing a fit. "I'm staying with her!" I yell. Gale smacks me in the face and says "Get a grip on yourself. They're releasing you. Snow was going to be executed anyway for his crimes. Katniss has to stand trial. There's nothing that you can do to save her this time Peeta. She killed the President. District Thirteen was bombed. Your brothers are fine, so are the girls. Finnick and Annie are fine. Lily and Don are too. Prim and Rory didn't make it. They were found wrapped around each other, he tried to protect her."_

_A tear slides down Gales cheek. I suck in my breath. Prim is gone. My god, Prim is gone. My heart hurts. I sit down on the floor against the wall and Gale slides down next to me. _

"_I'm really sorry Gale. For your loss. How's your mother holding up?" He wipes the tear. "She's a mess. We finally get to the end of this war and we lose them. She loved Prim like a daughter ya know. We're all just devastated. Lily is a wreck. Thank god Don is there for her. The rest of us are all here. Star Squad is in charge for right now. Paylor was just sworn in as President. Haymitch is trying to dig up dirt on Coin with Plutarch and Beetee. Thirteen is in partial shambles. The bombers were taken out by our forces before they could do significant damage but still, there was loss of life. And you and Katniss are here. I've been ordered to return you to Thirteen to aid in the clean up and assist Haymitch in any way you can. If he can't find anything on Coin, then Katniss is going to hang. I'll tell her about Rory and Prim. Given all that you two have been through recently, it'll be best she hears it from me. Just go do what you have to do and get better Peeta. She's going to need you." Gale gets up and extends a hand and pulls me up. He gives me a hug and pats my back. "I'll give you a minute and then just head up the stairs on the right. I'll be up there waiting for you."_

_I walk back into the cell and kneel down in front of her. She's still out cold. I stroke her cheek, bend my nose to rub hers, smell her hair. I love this girl. I have to get better. Make sure I don't ever have another episode or revert to this alternate personality again. She's my world. I will keep my vows to her. I will make everything alright between us again. _

_I will right my wrongs. _

_I will save her. _

**A/N: Did you all get your Midnight Show Tix? Taking my son and nephew. All my son son's friends want to come too cuz I'm the coolest mom ever but my son said they keep him up every time we do the Midnight Shows. LOL. Cool mom also makes them go to school the next day!**


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Almost through the suffering until they get back to District Twelve.

Be warned-I'm going to pull at your heartstrings some more. Team Peeta, always.

Enjoy!

**Chapter 26**

I open my eyes and feel the cold floor against me cheek. I lay there for a minute. I'm not sure where I am. The prior evenings events come back to me. I start to process. Peeta killed Snow, I killed Coin. Blood everywhere. I gasp and sit up. I want their blood off of me. I'm relieved to see I'm pretty well cleaned up and in clean clothes. I stare around the cell. Its dismal. Duh, it's a cell. I see my yellow dress discarded in the corner. Then I remember the wedding, Peeta, his hurt and confusion. It was him, he was back somehow. He remembered me, loved me.

I wish those damn doctors were able to cure him with some magic potion. I can't go through this for the rest of my life. What am I even saying. I am done with Peeta. I cannot ever forget those awful things he said to me. They came from some where inside of him. Haymitch always told me that I didn't deserve him and all of Peeta's ranting just played on my deepest insecurities. I am not good enough for him. I never was and I never will be.

I am a simple girl from District Twelve. I just want to take care of my family, hunt in the woods, spend time with my Mother and sister. I don't care about getting married, having children, winning Hunger Games. All of those things are not me, do not come close to defining who I am. Peeta Mellark just got in the way of the things that I really wanted. The simple things. He made me think outside the box and want him. Want to be a part of his world. If he had just kept his mouth shut about loving me during the games, he would have been killed off and I wouldn't be in this mess. My heart hurts that I even thought that. Peeta is so good. Or at least he was. He was so beautiful and amazing. His love for me made me feel like I was the most special girl in the world.

I know Peeta is sick. I know he can't control anything that's going on within his mind. Still, he spent more time since his rescue hating me than loving me. When you spend the better part of nearly six months telling someone you hate them and you're afraid of them, there comes a point where you have to move on. A part of me will always love and care for Peeta. But I've made my decision to bury it deep down inside my heart and lock it away forever. I'm going to take Prim back to District Twelve and life will go on. She'll be a healer, maybe we'll set up an apothecary in town, I'll find all of the plants she needs for them. She'll probably marry Rory and have a house full of kids. I'll be Auntie Katniss. We'll visit Mother and Don wherever they move to. It'll work out fin in the end. I can be happy with that.

Peeta will just have to get on with his life. There's nothing in District Twelve to return to so maybe he'll follow his father. Maybe he will return to Twelve and rebuild the Bakery. The town does need a Bakery. I'm not saying it won't be hard to see him, it will cut down to the bone. But we're better off apart now. Every ounce of love that I have hasn't been able to save him thus far and I have no hope that it will. Haymitch did us a disservice burning those documents but he's going to have to have more drawn up. I already mourned my marriage once, I'll do it again to make Peeta happy and set him free.

The door to the cell opens and Gale comes in with a tray of food and water. I breathe a sigh of relief that it's him. I comes over to me, and sits in front of me. Placing the tray to the side of me. He takes my hand in his, something is off.

"Katniss. How are you feeling?" he asks. "I'm okay. Everything is coming back to me about last night. Are they really dead?" I ask. "Yes" he says. Then continues "Snow was going to be executed so we had to release Peeta. He's on his way back to Thirteen. He didn't want to leave you but I made him. You on the other hand, killed an active President with no evident crimes to atone for. Haymitch, Plutarch, Beetee and Peeta are in the process of trying to gather evidence to support your actions and spare your life. If they are unsuccessful, you're going to be executed Katniss." His words hang heavy in the air.

I take a deep breath and react. "She was bringing back the Games Gale! She promised to punish everyone that didn't side with her, agree with her during this war. She's just as bad as Snow. I couldn't let her kill more children. I just couldn't. I don't care where they're from. They're Panem's children!" Gale squares my shoulders in front of him to make me face him. "I know Katniss. And when you go to trial, those are the exact words that you need to say to the judge. I can only hope that Coin was dirty. I'd hate to see you hang after everything you've gone through." he says.

My mind centers on him and I continue. "How's Prim Gale? Mother? Did they freak out when they saw me kill Coin?" Gale hangs his head. "They didn't see the broadcast Katniss. District Thirteen was being bombed while it was on." I look at him. There must be some mistake. "Thirteen was bombed? How badly? Where's Prim and Mother? Is everyone else okay?" Gales clears his throat. "Finnick, Annie, Johanna, Madge, Alexandra, Rye and Van-they're all fine. Your Mother and Don are fine too." He looks away from my eyes.

"What about Prim, Gale? How's Primrose?" I inquire. He looks me in the eye and he's crying. He pulls me in closer to him. "She didn't make it Katniss. They found her with Rory. They were wrapped around each other and he tried to shield her, protect her. They're both gone." I think my heart stops beating. Prim is gone. My sister is gone. My whole reason for living is gone. She is everything to me. I've cared for her since birth, always protected her, made her feel safe. She was my confidant, my real best friend, my sister. She was fourteen years old. Too young to die. Too young for the games. That's why I volunteered for her. She was too inexperienced in life and too good, pure, to take another child's life. I only delayed the inevitable. She's gone. My sister is gone. My body cannot handle it. It begins to shut down. I feel the light kind of go out. I hear Gale calling my name but I cannot answer him. She's gone.

There is just nothing left.

_Haymitch POV_

_These kids really made a mess out of a great job. So proud of them for offing the tyrants. I hated both of them. But still, there are consequences to your actions no matter who you are. Peeta was let go. I've got him clearing debris and assisting in the rebuilding process. The bombs hit the outskirts of Thirteen before they were intercepted. There were only a few casualties but Rory and Prim had stolen away for a few moments alone and were unfortunately, in the wrong place at the wrong time. If they had fooled around at the apartment, they would have been fine. I've also had the doctors working non stop with Peeta per his request. He is determined to work on his therapy and get better so that he can make it up to Katniss. He doesn't know how far gone Katniss is yet. That although he may someday recover, the death of her sister may indeed be the death of her. _

_Her trial begins tomorrow. We've uncovered many secret dealing and political promises to Snow and his co-conspirators. I think I can get her released. Her Mother and Don have already moved to District Four. Lily can't handle losing Prim and Katniss is a mess. She has chosen to move on. It's sad that the woman is abandoning her daughter but she has made me sworn that I will stand in for her and help Katniss. She said she can't deal with everything Katniss is going through in light of losing Prim and her own depression over Phoenix's death several years ago. It's a road she just doesn't want to travel down again, for her own sanity. There's nothing I can do to convince her. I just hope Katniss can forgive her someday. _

_The trial begins. Peeta and Gale are there with me. They bring Katniss in and sit her in the front. She is unresponsive. She's lost weight, she's filthy, haggard looking. Peeta looks sick. The trial begins. All of the evidence is presented. It is determine that President Coin was in fact, a dirty politician not unlike President Snow. Katniss is cleared of her charges but not entirely off the hook. Judge Underwood addresses the courtroom. "Mrs. Mellark has shown a blatant disregard for human life in taking the life of President Coin. Although it was determined that she inevitably did all of Panem a favor, that was not known at the time of her crime. As a probationary condition to her release of these charges, she is hereby confined to District Twelve until this court sees fit. As she cannot care for herself, given her present mental state, someone will need to be entrusted with her care. Is there a volunteer?" Peeta immediately steps up and the judge dismisses him. "Mr. Mellark, while I appreciate your undying devotion to this young woman, she has repeatedly made it clear her intention to divorce you. I would chalk that up to her insanity but you have your own mental issues to deal with and I do not find that you are suitable to care for her at this time."_

_Gale stands up and volunteers. "Mr. Hawthorne. While I commend you for volunteering, you have been assigned to a Commander position in District Two, which you are already aware of. Mrs. Mellark will be secluded to District Thirteen. Your services to Panem far exceed the benefits of caring for your childhood friend. I'm sorry."_

_I stand up and volunteer. "Mr. Abernathy. I would normally laugh and tell you to sit down, but I know how you care for this girl. I've seen you sober up and care for both Mr. and Mrs. Mellark in ways that only a true father can. If you are truly willing to take on this responsibility, I will release her into your custody. She will have to have weekly therapy sessions via telephone with Dr. Aurelis and take any prescribed medication he may give her. Please report back to my courtroom in one year to update me on her progress. And remember, Mrs. Mellark is not to leave District Twelve without my granted permission. Please see that these rules are not broken. You leave within the hour for District Twelve. Good luck."_

_I thank Judge Underwood and look at the boys. I shake Gale's hand and then he shakes Peeta's and leaves. Peeta and I stare at her for a moment and then back to each other. He looks so forlorn. Then he says it "I'm coming back for her Haymitch. As soon as Doctor Aurelis releases me, I'll be back for her. I'm not letting her go. I'm not signing any papers so don't even let her try. I'm not giving up on her, or us. She's my world Haymitch. I love her."_

_I give Peeta a hug and pat his back. "I'll take care of her Peeta. I'll do what I can for her. She's all we both have left." With that, Peeta walks over to Katniss and scoops her p in his arms. She's completely unresponsive. He cradles her head to his chest and walks with me to the hovercraft awaiting our departure from the Capitol. _


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: More love equals faster Chapters-and you know I'll deliver. **

**Be patient as they grow back together. I promise it will be worth it!**

**Chapter 27**

_Haymitch POV_

_The hovercraft touches down and Greasy Sae is there to greet us. I bring her up to speed on all that has transpired and her heart breaks for both Katniss and Peeta. She's agreed to cook for us and do some moderate cleaning for a small wage. There's not too many of us left here in District Twelve and we have to stick together. I get Katniss home to her house and get her into bed. It's been a long day. After making sure the place is secure, I head on over to my house. It needs a good cleaning, to say the least, but it still feels like home. I'm silently happy that Peeta dumped all the white liquor way back when because I could really go for a drink right now. I decide that I'll have to figure out what to do with myself beginning tomorrow, since I won't be drowning at the bottom of a bottle anytime soon. These kids need me and I have to keep them alive. _

_My phone rings bright and early in the morning. It's Peeta. I'm not surprised. "Haymitch, where's Katniss?" he asks in a panic. "Boy, I'm sure she's sleeping just like I was. She didn't even stir the whole way home. I put her right to bed. Did you call over there?" I question. "Of course I did. She didn't answer. I let it wring like two hundred times. I'm sure it was annoying the crap out of her but she still didn't answer." I laugh "Knowing Katniss she probably ripped it out of the wall on the tenth ring. Course if she did, it means she can actually still hear. It'd be nice to get some kind of response out of her. I'll head over there now and call you back. I'm sure she's fine." I get myself together and drag myself over there. I use my key and lead myself to the bedroom. I open the door and find her bed empty. _

_Empty. She hasn't spoken in weeks, we just landed last night and she's frigging gone. Where the hell could she possibly be? I go tearing through the house and can't find her. I run through town looking for her. No sign of anything in town. It's all burnt to a crisp and getting hauled out of there with Thom leading the clean up. There's nothing left of her house in the Seam, but I checked anyway. I look at the fence and the woods. Would she be well enough to venture in there? I'm sure it would be therapeutic for her eventually but if she's even slightly distracted, she could be killed by some kind of wild dog or something. Again, this girl is making me want to drink. What am I going to say to Peeta if I tell him I lost her on the first day. He'd be on the hovercraft in five minutes to come keep his original promise to kill me. This is too much stress. _

_I head back to the Victors Village and for some reason, Peeta's house grabs my attention. What if she's in there? What are the odds? She said she was done with him. Made me get the divorce papers. Hasn't reconciled with him, at least not yet. Hasn't even spoken to him. Could she really be in there?I have nothing left to lose besides my life so I trudge over there and open the door. The house is dusty from neglect but other than that, it looks okay. I walk around looking for a sign that she's there and don't find one. I may as well check the upstairs so I head up there. When I get to the top step and advance on the door, I take a deep breath. If she's not behind this door, I'm out of options. I hold my breath and turn the knob. There she is, lying in the bed in the fetal position. What's all over her? I get a closer look and my eyes widen in surprise. They're Peeta's clothes. This poor girl. She's got the boys' clothes all over her, wrapped in her arms, holding them. I can't imagine what she's been through. To love someone that deeply and repeatedly lose them must be chewing her up inside. _

_I decide not to wake her. She's peaceful and not having a nightmare. I know that I have to call Peeta back or he's going to stalk me. What to tell him? Do I tell him she's wrapped in his clothing? No. I can't. He would get on the hovercraft and disobey doctors orders in a heartbeat. What if he had an episode and hurt her again? Or worse, killed her? Can't do it. _

_Once again I'm going to play stupid and withhold information for their own good. I won't tell him how or where I found her. I know they can get through this. A little time apart always makes the heart grow fonder. I head back to my house and sigh in the chair after putting on a pot of coffee to brew. I have to take up drinking something else or I'm going to be twice as crazy as I already am. I think I need to develop a hobby. Protecting these two love birds isn't going to be enough. _

_I try to think of something, anything, besides sex and booze, that has brought me some kind of happiness in my life. Coming up empty for a while but then it hits me, a childhood memory. I had a goose when I was a kid. Charlie. I loved that stupid goose. He was so much fun. It didn't work out for Charlie, being that we were from the Seam. I refused to eat him by the way, but still. I think I'm going to get myself a goose and raise him right. It'll be kind of fun. I know I'll need to find something additional to do, but one step at a time is good. _

_I head into town after lunch and have myself a pleasant conversation with Thom. He tells me where I can get a goose and I head over to Jack's farm, or at least what's left of it. I do a little bargaining and purchase two male geese. I don't want babies all over the place. Just a couple of geese to be buddies and keep each other company while I'm tending to Katniss. I have some lumber delivered to my house and I build them a pen while they wander around the yard. They're so cute. I name them Bruce and Chuck. I finish the pen and I'm rather impressed with myself. I take a walk behind my house and find a sight I wish I could block out. Bruce is humping Chuck. What the fuck? As if I don't have enough problems. I shake my head and head off to check on Katniss. _

_I get myself over to Peeta's house and she's still in the bed. I wake her up and she barely looks at me. "Rise and shine sweetheart. It's time to get up and get functioning. You've been in bed all day. You need to bathe and eat." She moans "Go away Haymitch, you suck." _

_I laugh "Considering I haven't heard your voice in weeks, it's not likely. Get up." "Bite me" she mutters. This girl is going to be the death of me. I pick her up over my shoulder and carry her into the bathroom. I open the shower door, turn on the water, drop her and slam the door shut, throwing all of my weight against it. She's banging on the door like a wild animal. It's not like the water's cold. Unlike Katniss dumping a bucket on me to wake me up from a drunken stupor, I'm at least kind and not trying to shock her to death. _

_I pull away from the door and she comes flying out looking like a drowned rat. I laugh again and toss a towel at her. "Now you don't smell and you're forced to change your clothes. I'll see you downstairs in the kitchen. Get a move on." "You're such a douche Haymitch." she growls. "I've been called worse sweetheart" I retort. I make my way downstairs and call Peeta back. He's obviously relieved. "Where did you find her Haymitch?" he asks. I think about this and go with my original plan to lie. "In the closet. Must have had a nightmare. She's fine. I dumped her in the shower, she's changing now. Gonna make her eat in a bit. She's good. She even called me some names. I think she's getting better already boy." _

_I probably have a few more minutes before Katniss comes downstairs so I pump him for information while I have him on the phone. "So what's Dr. Aurelis saying now about your treatment and his plans for you?" _

_Peeta responds "well, he's basically going to use a visual technique to counter the hijacking. Various things about Katniss tend to set me off and act one way or the other so he's going to show me as much footage that he has and then we'll both break it all down as I go through the actual emotions on the spot. I get all sorts of flashbacks and shiny memories all at once. He's going to help me figure out what's real. He thinks that once I get the hang of figuring out what's real, that I'll get better faster. And that I can also stop an episode from coming on by breaking it down on the spot. I know it sounds like a mouthful. I just hope it works and that it works fast. It's only been a day and it's killing me that I'm not there. You'll tell her that I love her, right Haymitch?" _

"_Sure Peeta, I'll tell her when she's ready to hear it. The sooner you get back here, the better. Hey, did I tell you I bought two geese. Had one when I was a kid. That bastard Jack sold me a male and a female instead of two males. Caught them humping each other before I fished your wife out of the closet. In a month I'm going to have eggs all over the place! Gonna be a damn nightmare. In a month, Katniss will be the least of my problems. Gonna be geese everywhere!"_

_Peeta is howling with laughter. "Ten bucks says she shoots one of your geese Haymitch." _

_Crap. Bad childhood flashback again. _


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Thanks to my regular reviewers. This chapter is dedicated to you!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 28**

_**Peeta POV**_

_I swear this past week as dragged by at an achingly slow pace. It's like watching cement dry. Absolutely miserable. Can I express my discontent any more clearly? My sessions with Dr. Aurelis have been successful so far. The man is bringing out the monster in me. Problem is, I can't control it. At all. I was hoping that the odds would be in my favor and I could head off the episode when I felt my personality switching. Such is not the case. It's been a very difficult week._

_One good thing is that I don't seem to be fixated on staying mean or angry at Katniss. All of the images and audio I'm being shown is really making me simultaneously juggle the two. The problem is that I can't control either or. If I'm calm, I say cool. If I'm agitated, I get viscous. I mean, those emotions can happen to anyone on a daily basis. It's not inhuman or irrational. The problem is that triggers have also been instilled in me to physically harm Katniss. The tracker jacker venom doesn't make a person feel all warm and fuzzy. It makes them want to pull their hair out. When I get that way, I just want to strangle her or force myself on her. I can't even decide. It's like the idea of killing her gets me horny. Dr. Aurelis says that it's sick and twisted but would make sense under the duress I was in. When I was just simply myself, the slightest thought about Katniss got me all hot and bothered. The Capitol just took my physical feelings and manipulated them to carry out their plan. _

_I talk to Haymitch daily. Katniss still won't answer her phone. She hasn't ripped it out of the wall yet but she keeps threatening to do it. I guess I should be grateful that she's even speaking at all. She won't talk to me. She has tuned out everything about me. Scarred deep from all that I have put her through. Haymitch says she'll come around but I've begun to worry. When Katniss lets someone in, it's very rare. To have that person betray her, mock her feelings, it's a whole other battle. I fear that getting Katniss to trust me and love me again will be much more challenging than surviving the Hunger Games. _

_I make them work all day with me. I never give up. I want to get better. I want to overcome this and go home to Katniss and District Twelve. It breaks my heart that she won't even talk to me. I miss our nighttime phone calls. Just hearing her voice would certainly help me. I wonder if I can get Haymitch to tie her to a chair and at least listen to me. She's so stubborn. I'm trying not to panic. I know the time apart is not going to help our situation. What if I'm gone too long? What if she gets over me? What if she meets someone else? My eyes get wide at the thought. She could really do that. I mean, she's beautiful, she's strong. She's the Mockingjay. There's an awe factor about her just when you utter her name. The one thing that I have going for me is that she's still legally married to me. Some guy is not going to ask her out knowing she's married. We just don't do that in District Twelve. There's a certain level of respect. Married equals off limits. At least for now. _

_It's almost time for my daily chat with Haymitch to find out how their day went. I call him up and he answers after ten rings. I start to get nervous and then he answers. "Christ boy, I had to run over here to get this. You're five minutes yearly. I was already on my way back over after dinner. You got Bruce all in an uproar letting it ring like that. He's squawking like crazy. You better hope she doesn't kill him. She already tried to tie his beak and she's got snares in her backyard. It's all kinds of crazy here I tell ya!" Against my better judgment, I laugh. Haymitch is a nut. _

_I get to the point. "Glad you're having fun with your geese but let's move onto my wife. Is she doing better today? Did she get out of bed and move around today?" "Well, yes and no. She got up, ate, looks good. Went to your house, got a painting and set up target practice outside. Shot all the arrows she had into it. I think it went well."_

_A painting? Most of my paintings were of Katniss, other than the ones of my nightmares. A few were of the two of us. I'm not liking the direction this is going in. "So um Haymitch, which painting did she fire into?" I'm not even sure I want to hear the answer. Haymitch clears his throat. "Well Peeta, it was one of the two of you. She kept shooting your eyes out. I think she's making progress." Haymitch is really fucking crazy. And considering he keeps company with the two of us, that's saying a lot. "Haymitch, let me get this straight. My wife spent her day shooting every arrow she had into my "eyes" and you think she's making progress? That sounds like regression to me. She used to be in love with me and my eyes. Now she wants to shoot them out?" I am completely flustered. _

"_Listen kid, she's a woman. Women cannot keep their emotions in check. They're all over the place on a daily basis. She's dealing with all of her negative feelings for you. Would you rather she dealt with them face to face? I have a feeling she wouldn't miss the shot. Just guessing. She'll come around." I think he's off his damn rocker. I can't shake the feeling that I should be there. That if I was there, it wouldn't appear so bad. I try again. "Haymitch, can you get her to talk to me on the phone? Ya know, like we used to? It might help us both to cope. Help us work it out." _

_Haymitch is quiet for a minute. "Haymitch, you still there?" "Yes boy I'm still here. Listen Peeta, you gotta give her some space for now. Just focus on getting better and getting back here as soon as possible." I don't like the tone in his voice or what he's implying. I work up some nerve to hear what he really wants to tell me. "Say it Haymitch. No more going behind my back and not giving me the full plan. I want to know." _

_Haymitch takes a deep breath. "Peeta, she asked me to draw up those divorce papers again. Rambled on about it being over. Wouldn't stop trying to prove her point. I can stall her for a while but it'll only be a matter of time. If you're not well enough to return by the time they come, you may need to call her bluff and sign them. I know you'll win her back. It's just a piece of paper. Trust me on this. I KNOW she loves you. She's just too stubborn to realize it right now. Her heart is in pieces."_

_I don't know if I can hear this right now. I'm a mess. "Did she say it Haymitch? Did she say she didn't love me? She said it out loud to you, didn't she? Didn't she?" Haymitch is quiet then utters what I already knew in my heart. "Yes Peeta, yes she did. I know she doesn't mean it though. I know it's hard to even hear that. I'm sorry son."_

_My whole world starts spinning. I'm gonna lose her, forever. My heart aches. Oh my god, my chest feels like it's going to explode. She's got to be lying. She's got to be so hurt, that she'd lie to escape the pain. _

_I realize I'm still on the line with Haymitch and I say the only thing I possibly can after hearing his admission. "I can't lose her Haymitch. I can't. I just can't. I won't lose her. I won't sign them. She'll have to kill me first. I won't sign them. EVER."_

_I hang up the phone on him because just then, the dam finally breaks and I burst into tears. _

**A/N: I know you all LOVED this! I've got up to Chapter 30 done so review/alert and I shall post all TONIGHT. -Jen :)**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: You know what to do! Back to Katniss whose breaking our Peeta's heart. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 29**

It's been nearly four months since I've been home now. I play along for Haymitch's sake. Letting him think I'm getting better but the truth is, this is just a game. There is nothing to get better for. Some days I get up, take a shower, get dressed. I never take a bath. I can't go there. I would fill the bathtub with cement but then it would fall through the ceiling and make bigger trouble for me. I eat minimal amount of food. Nothing tastes good to me anymore. I don't even get hungry. Ironically I spent half of my life starving and now I can only tolerate food. I could care less if I died. I've given up hope and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Other days I stay in bed. Haymitch will leave me alone when he finds me this way. Outside of getting up to relieve myself, I stay in bed. Sometimes I sleep all day, only to be awoken by my nightmares. Other times, I'm literally comatose with my eyes wide upon. Either way, I'm an empty shell of my former self and I'm content this way. I had nothing left when I lost her. Lost my Primrose.

I miss her horribly. Everything I did to save her was all for naught. She was such a ray of sunshine in my dismal world. Up until I really met Peeta, I hadn't ever cared for anyone like I did for my sister. I mean, she was my sister, my flesh and blood. There was nothing that I wouldn't do for her. I proved that every single day of our lives. To lose her, and right at the end of the war, was very bittersweet. Nothing could dull the pain of losing her, but not having Peeta, made it a thousand times worse.

If Prim was alive, she would tell me not to give up hope on Peeta. That he gave me hope in the first place and loved me more than life itself. That he was broken too and was trying to recover what we lost. I don't care. If I allow myself to feel anything again, it will kill me. I loved him even more than Prim. I didn't think that was possible, but with a physical connection to Peeta, I would have to say that deepened the bond. I went against every single solitary belief that I had to be with him. I never wanted to marry, and certainly didn't want to fall in love. I never wanted to be as vulnerable as my mother when my father died. And here I am, in the exact same position. History has certainly repeated itself in the Everdeen family.

I'm tortured by Peeta. Night and day. He's pretty much all I think about. Haymitch tries to tell me things about Peeta's therapy. I don't even care. I am never going to make myself so vulnerable again. I had really hung in there in Thirteen, hoping that he would eventually get better. I loved all of our phone calls and stolen kisses. I could have waited forever until he snapped. I'm not even upset that he hit me and tried to force himself on me. He could have completed the act and I probably would have eventually forgiven him. IT wasn't him. Under normal circumstances, Peeta would cut off his arm rather than hurt me, ever.

But getting up in front of everyone and insulting me, messing around with that girl, it made something in me snap. It was like a colossal slap in my face. One that broke me down to the core. It was an unforgivable act. All the venom that spilled from his tongue came from some place deep down inside him. He said things that he must have thought or felt, at least at one time. They existed somewhere inside him. They weren't random and they weren't new. I'm not saying he wasn't remotely influenced. I'm saying that the words were his, no matter what. My already fragile self esteem just couldn't handle it. It still can't handle it, just thinking about it.

I've put up so many walls throughout my entire life that it surprised me how easily I let Peeta in. I think his devotion to me just simply swept me off my feet. Everything about him was amazing. Was. He's a monster now. The Capitol changed him and he will never be the same. He could randomly wake up one morning and slit my throat. How am I supposed to live like that? It's survival of the fittest out here. If I had stuck to that plan in the beginning, my heart wouldn't be cut like a jigsaw puzzle.

Haymitch keeps trying to break me down about Peeta too. He's like his advocate or something. Telling me that Peeta is trying to get better so that he can come back to Twelve and work things out with me. He wants to make sure that he won't hurt me. He has hurt me. He's already killed me. No amount of therapy is going to change that. I ignore my therapy altogether. Who needs therapy when you don't truly feel anything. I am a mere shell of my former self. I'm just going through the motions until I will this body to die or hang myself from a tree. If I could have brought myself to get in the tub, I know I would have drowned myself by now. I have no desire to live. I do know that I don't want Peeta back in Twelve. I don't want to see him and be reminded of my love for him. It would be like ripping the stitches out of a knife wound everyday. I know that I'll never heal, but I certainly don't want to cause unnecessary strain to myself by seeing him.

Haymitch has been laying it on thick about Peeta these last few days. I had asked him to draw up a new set of divorce papers and I know he's stalling. I've made my decision clear and I intend to stick with it. Peeta and I are through. I reached my breaking point. He broke my heart and then I lost my sister. I just don't have anything left to give. Everyone I love either dies or gets hurt. Everyone leaves me, not matter what I do. I hate to feel sorry for myself, but it's the truth. If I have to continue to live and breathe, well then I'm going to do it alone. I wouldn't survive reconciling with Peeta and then having an episode make him regress. I just can't go down that road again.

Haymitch is up to something. The past two days he's had Sae taking care of me. Been keeping his distance. I can't put my finger on it. Then it dawns on me. That filthy conniver. The divorce papers must have arrived. I'm already dressed and laying on the couch when I come to the realization. I put on my boots and trek over to his house. The door is locked. I know for a fact that he doesn't lock the door. I start banging on the door but he still doesn't answer. I try to peek through the window, no luck. Maybe he's gone into town? I can't figure it out.

The afternoon drags on and finally it's time for dinner. Sae makes a beef stew. She makes some kind of comment about how it would be nice to have squirrel once in a while but I ignore her. Even though it's been warm enough to hunt, I haven't ventured into the woods since I've been back. I spend all of my time hiding from memories of everyone. My father, my mother, Prim, Peeta, Gale, the Tributes and Games, and everyone else who died in the bombing of Twelve. Being in the woods would probably trigger a psychotic break. I'm barely living as it is, that would be the end of me physically. I already have no feeling left in me.

I'm just about to put my spoon in my bowl and Haymitch walks in the door. I immediately get up and start to rant on him. "Where have you been Haymitch? I've been looking for you half the afternoon. I know you were avoiding me today and I want to know why?" I barely get the words out of my mouth when the reason "why" walks in the door.

For the first time in many months, I stare into the blue eyes of Peeta Mellark.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: All I have to say is, let the fireworks begin!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.**

**Chapter 30**

_Katniss POV_

Two thoughts run through my mind.

Peeta Mellark is standing in my living room.

I'm going to kill Haymitch.

I am speechless. At a complete loss for words. Not like I was any good at speaking anyway, but still, absolutely speechless. Peeta is just staring at me. Haymitch breaks the ice and says "hey Katniss, look who was on the train. Funny thing about trains ya know. They just drop people off. To stay. Here. In District Twelve. Isn't that something?" I look at him and glare at him. He knows I'm going to hurt him.

This is so not happening right now. I don't know what to even think. Peeta takes Haymitch's cue and says "Hey." I want to slap him.I roll my eyes at him and excuse myself from the table. I head up to my room. Peeta shouts "Katniss, where are you going? I want to talk to you!" I spin around and face him. "I don't have anything to talk to you about Peeta. You can talk to your buddy Haymitch over there. Fucking traitor."

Haymitch uses this as his cue to leave and drags Sae with him, pot still in her hand. Peeta starts in on me."That's enough Katniss! I am not going to let you ignore me any longer! We are going to have this conversation!" he yells. I get pissed now.

"You know what conversation I want to have Peeta? The one about why you won't sign the divorce papers that our buddy Haymitch had drawn up. The ones from last time and now. I knew he was hiding something from me! I'm done Peeta. I'm all done. I can't do this anymore with you. Our relationship has run its course. It's time to end it before we kill each other. Neither one of us is ever going to be the same again. It'll never go back to the way it was before. And anything that we 'could' become, would be far less than what we were to each other then. I refuse to accept less. I want you to sign the divorce papers and let it go."

Peeta shakes his head."I'm not signing any divorce papers Katniss. EVER. I would have been back here sooner but Dr. Aurelis wouldn't release me until he was certain I would be able to control any episodes involving you. I begged him relentlessly for months but he wouldn't budge. I called every single fucking night and not once did you answer your phone. I've been trying. I haven't given up on you, on us. I still have hope."

I sigh. "Well I don't. It's over. I don't feel that way about you anymore. I don't feel much of anything anymore. It's the way I cope nowadays Peeta. Without it, I would die. You are going to sign those papers Peeta Mellark. I don't want to be your wife anymore."

Peeta steps back like I slapped him. "I will NEVER sign those papers Katniss. Let me make myself very clear 'Mrs. Mellark'. You're not getting rid of me that easily. Till death do us part. That's the way it's going to be."

My turn now. "I can arrange that Peeta. How do you want to go?" I ask. He smiles and shakes his head. I bait him. "I've got a knife on me right now. Where's yours? Bet I can hit you before you even think to grab yours. Mine is right next to my heart." Peeta laughs again, not believing me. "You haven't seen me in over four months and you're seriously contemplating throwing a dagger at me? What's wrong with you?"I answer. "Everything is wrong with me Peeta. I am a woman on the edge. Just try me."

Peeta continues, trying to avoid disaster. "I'm not gonna sign the papers Katniss. You're gonna have to kill me to get rid of me. I would think it would be a horrible waste of energy to finally rid yourself of me considering you spent the better part of the last two years trying to keep me alive. Really pathetic actually. All because I want to try to salvage our marriage. I still love you Katniss. I'm so sorry for everything that happened. It wasn't my fault. I wish I had died in the Capitol, just to spare you what I did to you, said to you. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

Somewhere in the middle of his speech I zone out and survival instinct kicks in. It's like a surreal dream in slow motion. Take knife out of bra, throw at him, hit his arm, he screams at me, blood on floor, I see blood, I faint.

_**Peeta POV**_

_I can't believe she threw her knife at me. Fuck! I can't even deal with her right now. I have to get Haymitch to fix this up. I run over to his house and kick at the door. He opens it up and laughs. "That didn't take long. I thought she was gonna go for a different spot." He's such a jerk. My wife just stabbed me. There is nothing funny about a woman stabbing her husband. Sorry, but it's messed up. _

_Haymitch starts bandaging me up. "Where's Katniss now?" he asks. "She fainted when she saw the blood. She's on the floor." Haymitch laughs again. "When I'm all done with you, I'll ead over to your house. I'll go put her to bed and then come over so we can talk. There's a lot I haven't told you. It was kind of on a need to know basis and you didn't need to know while you were going through treatment. Give me a few minutes and I'll be right there." I nod and he takes off to put Katniss to bed. _

_I get inside and the memories come flooding back. This was our house. There are traces of her everywhere. Sure there's dust from us being everywhere but here, but it's still OUR home. The fireplace is cold. I have to light it. When I do, I get caught up in the moment. It takes me a few minutes to calm myself down while I wait for Haymitch to arrive. I bring my bag upstairs and am shocked at the state of the bedroom. There are clothes everywhere. I get closer to the bed and notice they're not just clothes, they are MY clothes. I'm confused and then Haymitch clears his throat behind me. "Remember the day we got back and I couldn't find her? This is where I found her. All wrapped up in your clothes. I occasionally find her here, same way. She knows that I know about it but we don't discuss it." _

_I look at him. "How come you didn't tell me?" "Listen boy, this girl is beyond broken. I didn't want to get your hopes up. She's adamant about being alone so she can't feel anything. She's afraid of everything. She's made comments about ending her life. There's lots of strange things about her that I know are tied to you. I just rolled with what I had to work with." I'm curious now."Like what?" I ask._

"_Like the fact that she won't take a bath, only showers. She won't let anyone sit in 'your' chair. She only shot the eyes out of the one painting but I've noticed there's been movement in the art room. She's been viewing your paintings. She cries a lot, she thinks I don't hear her. I've crept back in and crashed on the couch many nights. Her nightmares mostly involve losing you. She's always screaming for you. There's just a lot going on in her head and her walls are up. I keep telling you. Time is your friend. Don't be impatient. She'll come around." _

_I nod my head and take in all that he's said. He gives me a hug and then bids goodnight and heads home. I take a shower and get the bedroom cleaned up. Something he said gives me an idea. I put on my sneakers and sneak over to Katniss's house. Sure enough, the door is unlocked. I get inside and stoke the fire. It's chilly in here. _

_I don't have enough nerve to go up to her bedroom so I just camp out on the couch for a bit and soon fall asleep. If she catches me, she just might kill me. Gotta take a chance on that. During the night, I'm awoken by the sound of her screaming. She's not just screaming, she's calling for me. I'm elated. I tiptoe up the stairs so as not to wake her with my heavy footsteps. I open the door and there she is. She looks so beautiful in the moonlight. She's thrashing about on the bed and then begins to settle down. _

_She's mumbling in her sleep. "Stay with me Peeta. Stay with me." she says. _

_I lean over and kiss her forehead and whisper. "Always Katniss. Always."_


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews/alerts and support in general. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 31**

Katniss POV

I wake up and lay in bed. I don't want to get up. As in, never. The sun is shining into my room. I wonder what I'm going to do today. It's not like I ever accomplish much anyway. I have to pee and yet I still can't drag myself out of this bed. Prim's ugly cat Buttercup makes his appearance from the window and rubs up against me. We're not exactly fond of each other but we both have losing Prim in common. Now we get along because we're both lonely. Still thinking of getting up to pee when I hear the ruckus outside my window.

I fling the window open and see Peeta at the bottom of it. He's got a brown shovel in his hand and he's digging up the ground around the front of the house. I can't help but notice he looks great in the white t-shirt he's wearing and he has dirt on his cheek. I clear my throat. "Excuse me? What do you think you're doing? You're on private property ya know." Peeta looks up, amused. "I'm planting bushes in front of _my_ house. What's yours is mine sweetheart." I gape at him wide eyed. I go running down the steps. I should have stopped at the bathroom on the way but I'm getting all fired up now. I go running outside in my bare feet and he comes around the corner for the fight. I'm about five feet from him now. "Peeta, don't give me that crap. You're planting bushes without my permission. It's not cool. You know I live here now and you're at the other house. Please stop."

Peeta shrugs his shoulders and addresses me in the calmest manner. He makes me look like a child. "Katniss, are you formally telling me that you do not want me to plant 'Primrose' bushes in front of _your_ house? I saw them while walking by the fence and got the wild notion that they might bring you comfort." Again, Peeta stumps me. I got all pissed off without paying attention to the fact that they are primrose bushes. How could I not want bushes reminding me of my sister? I nod my head in permission.

I can't ignore my bladder anymore and I don't know what else to say anyway so I scurry back into the house and finally take care of my business. When I'm done, I begin to wash up, brush my teeth and splash some cold water on my face. I get dressed in jeans and a shirt. I might go for a walk today. I don't normally do that but with all of the sudden changes around here, some fresh air might do me some good. I bound down the steps and find his second peace offering. A loaf of bread on the table. Not just any bread. The special kind he gave me that night when we were eleven. It has nuts and raisins in it. I know it takes quite a bit of time and extra tender loving care to make it, because Peeta has made it for me in the past. How can I resist the bread? It's a bigger sin to waste it. I cut a couple of slices and put some butter on them. It's amazing, still warm even.

I think I'm going to go for that walk. Clear my head a bit. I pull my jacket on and step out into the sunlight. Peeta's head snaps up and he just watches me. I try to bite my tongue but the damn thing is too fast. I grumble. "What are you looking at?" He shakes his head. "Nothing Katniss. Don't overreact, _again_." He smiles at me like he can't help it. He has a beautiful smile. STOP! This is how I found myself all broken and battered before. It's been months since I've functioned and I need to just focus on me and not get all swept up in Peeta. He broke my heart so badly, intentional or not, that I just don't ever want to be that vulnerable again. It's not that I don't care about him. It's impossible not too. But this time I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart. It's the best for both of us.

I head out towards town and low and behold, Peeta catches up to me. "Where ya going?" he asks. "For a walk Peeta. Don't you have bushes to plant?" I ask. He shakes his head. "I'm all done. Mind if I tag along?" he inquires. "I was hoping for a little alone time Peeta. I don't leave the house much and I thought the air would do me good. Do you mind?" Peeta stops me. "Only if you give me a rain check. It'd be nice to walk around with you sometime." I sigh. He's sincere and it's hard to refuse him when he's like this. I just can't get sucked in again. On the flip side, I don't have to be rude either. Always such a problem for me. I do the only thing I can without hurting his feelings. "Sure Peeta, another time." He accepts my false promise and bids me goodbye. I walk forward a bit and against my better judgment, I turn around to see him walking towards the house.

I make my way to the Seam and eventually the Meadow. I lay down in the grass and just stare at the sky. All of my thoughts revolve around Peeta and the past couple of years. What if we had never been reaped? Would he have ever spoken to me? Would I have broken down and married Gale? I don't think so. I mean, what I felt for Gale could never compare to what I felt for Peeta. That's what makes all of this inner conflict even more unbearable. It's not like I don't care for Peeta. How could I not? It was a shitty hand that we were dealt. The problem is that I am so afraid. My fear is controlling my life now and I'm comfortable with that. It's what's getting me through each day.

After a while of brain overload, I doze off. I dream of Peeta. Not intentionally but I do. It's sweet. We're both in the Meadow, side by side facing each other. He brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes and pushes it behind my ear. Then he puts a dandelion in my hair, smiling at me the whole time and then leans in to brush his lips to mine. I wake up in a panic because it's suddenly dark. I open my eyes and see Peeta standing over me, sun radiating behind him. He looks like a god again, of course he does! Can't ever escape Peeta Mellark I tell you. "What are you doing down there?" he asks. "Trying to relax but I can see that's over now." Here comes the spite in my voice. Peeta laughs at me again. "You're such a trip Katniss. Really. Amazing you don't cut yourself on that tongue of yours." He walks away from me, not trying to provoke the fight. I feel deflated. Seems like he took the sunshine and the sweet dream right away with him.

I'm so stupid and conflicted. I get up from the ground and dust myself off. The day has passed by all to quick. I must have been napping for a few hours. I get back to the house and start making dinner. Looks like Sae isn't coming tonight. I find a dish full of warm cheese buns on the counter with a simple note. _"For you"_ it reads. He's always so sweet. I finish dinner and sit on the couch. It's eerily quite. I don't feel like being along tonight so I head over to Haymitch's house. Maybe we can play some cards or something. I let myself in and find Haymitch and Peeta playing cards already. A bottle of white liquor open. Oh Jesus, what are these two doing?

I walk over, curiosity getting the best of me. They both look up. Peeta's eyes are glassy. I look at Haymitch. "Having fun Haymitch?" I glare at him. He smiles and responds. "Tons actually but I have a feeling this game just got infinitely better. I only have one shot in my coffee, I'm being a good boy. On the other hand, Peeta has been a very bad young man. All the dirt is spilling out of him with a few shots in him. Wanna play?" he chides. I roll my eyes and give it some thought. A logical person would hightail it right out the door given the last time we played this little game. Still, my competitive side eggs me on to stay and see how this plays out. I'm curious to say the least. Peeta obviously has a few shots in him. I have the advantage this time. This could work out in my favor.

"Okay Haymitch, you're on." I say and have a seat. He sets up the game. Peeta is still coherent and smiling, leaning back in his chair. Haymitch lays out the rules again. "Okay people, you know what to do. Katniss you're black, Peeta you're red. Answer honestly. Answers must at least be a yes or no. Ready?" We both nod and he deals. Three cards down, it's red. Here we go again. Peeta smiles. He looks at Haymitch, who looks from Peeta to myself. "What?" Haymitch asks. Peeta answers. "I don't even know where to start. Last time you started." Haymitch grins. "Peeta, you've got Katniss right where you want her. She has to answer honestly. She can't lie for shit anyway. So ask her whatever you want."

Peeta looks down at his feet, leans back in his chair again and crosses his arms. "Since I have no idea where to start, I'm going to just revert to the original question from the last game. Katniss, are you hot for me?" My face flushes deep red. Of course I find Peeta attractive. Just because I think we're better off apart doesn't mean I don't find him handsome. This game is bullshit. I don't know why I bothered to play. But given that I was bored at home, I found myself over here and now I'm waist deep in it. I look at my shot, willing the liquid to give me some courage. "Yes" I reply and down the shot. Peeta looks pleased. Haymitch deals again.

Red. Here we go again. Peeta is delighted. "Katniss, do you really want to divorce me?" "Yes." I reply. Haymitch looks at me. "Sweetheart, you can't lie in this game. The purpose it to get the truth out of each other while downing some booze to make you all warm and fuzzy. Don't be lying now. It's not right."

I get mad. "You're such a dick Haymitch. Thanks for taking his side. You want the real answer Peeta? No. That's the real fucking answer. No. I don't really want to divorce you. Deal Haymitch." I down my shot. Black. "Peeta, did you sleep with Angelina?" "No." Peeta takes his shot. Three more cards. Red. "Are you still even slightly in love with me Katniss?" "Yes." My shot slides down my throat. Haymitch deals again. Black. "Did you mean any of the mean things that you said to me before?" "No. That was the Capitol talking, not me." Peeta says and downs his shot. Three more cards. Red. Peeta's turn to ask a question and he does. "Can I kiss you?"

Haymitch clears his throat. "Time to pee, be right back." Off he goes. How do I answer this question? Peeta just takes the initiative while waiting for my response and moves in closer. The sexual tension is certainly present. He gets closer and closer to my face, our lips are a couple of inches apart. We keep staring at each other. Eyes to mouth to face and back again. I don't know what to say. He makes me crazy in every sense of the word. He gets a little closer and it's as if I suddenly get my wits about me when his lips lightly brush mine. I gasp, because I love how it felt. I need to get out of here.

"I have to go Peeta. I have to go. I'm sorry." I bolt out the door towards my house and shut the door.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Thanks to all my readers for suggestions and reviewing. You know who you are! Having a bit of writers block. This is a slow build, unless you want me to skip through time and speed it up. Otherwise, I had some "growing back together" chapters planned. Review or PM me and let me know what you would prefer. Thanks again for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.**

**Chapter 32**

The next couple of days I stick to myself. I came very close to letting Peeta kiss me. It's not like I don't miss him, I just feel so closed off. It hurt to lose him. I don't want to go through that again. What if I get back together with him and then I spark a vision for him? One that he doesn't return from? What do I do then? I can't keep putting myself out there, to have my heart broken over and over. Yes, I have to be strong and stick to the decision that I made. It's the best for both of us.

Today starts out like any other. I wake up, pet Buttercup, get dressed, brush my teeth and hair, braid my hair and get down to the kitchen. There are fresh cheese buns waiting for me, with their maker sitting in a chair at the table. Peeta nods his head and takes a sip of his coffee. I don't want to start my day off by having a fight with him, nor do I want to discuss what happened last night.

Peeta decides to break the ice. "Morning Katniss. Sorry to impose but I just got here with the cheese buns and heard you stirring upstairs. I figured that I would wait for you and we could eat together." I nod my head and agree with him. "That was very kind of you to bring them over Peeta. Haven't had them in so long. I didn't know you were down here or I would've come down sooner."

Peeta clears his throat and takes a sip of his steaming coffee. He gets up and makes a cup for me, then hands it to me in my favorite mug. A mug that was at his house, our former home together, until this moment. He always thinks about me. He looks me square in the eye and begins to talk. "Katniss, I know that I can't undo what happened. I wish I could. I also understand that you don't want to get hurt again too. I've tried to beg my way back into your heart but after last night, I can see that it wasn't the right approach. I'm gonna come right out and say it Katniss. I miss you. I miss everything about you. But what I really miss is your friendship and support." He continues.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I figured that maybe we could kind of start over. Try to be friends again. My family is off living their own lives, same with your mom and Gale. All we really have left is each other and Haymitch. We've all been through hell. We live right next door to each other. We have plenty of history together. I guess I figured that if I stopped trying so hard, we could maybe become friends again. I would really like that. What do you say?"

It's really hard not to look into his blue eyes and not want the same thing. Since Peeta's been gone, things just haven't been the same. If I remove the romantic element in our relationship, it's clear that we have always looked out for each other and been friends. We honestly enjoy each others company. I grab his hand and give it a light squeeze and give him my answer. "Yes Peeta. I would like to be friends with you. I've been lonely around here. Can't spend all my time with Haymitch and his geese." I laugh. He laughs too. It's feels so good to laugh again.

We sit in silence for a moment, then Peeta breaks the silence again. "I um, was thinking of taking a walk into town and checking out what's left of the bakery. My father told me the land belongs to me now and to do whatever I want with it. I haven't even seen it yet. Would you want to take the walk with me?" I agree. "Sure Peeta, I'll go with you." We head out after breakfast and just take our time, strolling in. Peeta starts telling me funny little stories about when his father taught him to bake certain things. "The first time I baked sugar cookies on my own, I was probably ten. I got the batter right, it tasted good. I was so proud of myself. I get the cookies baked without burning them and they were cooling down. Then I prepped some icing and was going to do a special design on the cookies. I had been practicing on paper for a while and figured I could pull it off, impress the folks. I get myself all pumped up to ice them, piping bag in hand, when I hear you outside with your father. You were just walking together, laughing. I just stared at the two of you, not realizing that the icing was dripping all over everything. I ruined half a dozen cookies that day. My father just laughed and hid them. Gave us each two for lunch the following day." I smile at him. It's a cute story.

We get to the bakery and it was obviously incinerated in the bombing. Only a few walls left, nothing to salvage and too dangerous to even walk through. Peeta gets emotional taking it all in. I do what comes naturally. I pull him into a hug and rub his back. "It's okay Peeta. I know you'll rebuild this bakery and make it your own. It'll all work out. You'll see." Peeta pulls back, issues a "Thank you" and runs his hand through his blonde curls. "I think you're right Katniss. It's a new beginning for myself and the bakery. I've got to start somewhere. It'll give me something to do, to look forward to. Thanks."

Peeta walks a few steps but I'm rooted to the spot. He turns around and motions for me to follow him. We head towards the Seam. We just walk slowly, not in any rush. Telling each other stories from our childhood and about people from District Twelve. I tell him about my father taking me out into the woods for the first time. His teaching me to hold his bow. How I kept shooting arrows at the ground and then nearly took his eye out. Peeta looks highly amused. "When did he teach you about knives? Your aim was pretty good the other night, even for being out of practice." He laughs. I put my hands to my mouth, cover it and laugh. "I am so sorry Peeta. I shouldn't have thrown my knife at you. I guess I was just all wrapped up in my emotions. It won't happen again."

He smirks again. "Oh I hope not. One of these days someone is bound to hit an artery. I can't keep getting lucky forever. Most people go their whole lives without getting stabbed by anything. I've been stabbed by just about everything! Amazing I'm even breathing." The thought of Peeta not breathing makes me uncomfortable. Don't want that to happen. I change the subject of our conversation.

"Hey Peeta, did you know that I haven't been back to the woods since I've been home?" "No Katniss. I didn't know that. I mean, it was cold but it's been getting warmer for a while now. You thinking of going in?" he asks.

"Yes. I think today is the day. You faced your fear about the bakery and I think that maybe I should finally face my fears about the woods and hunting. The woods bring back a lot of memories. Makes it hard for me with all the loss, ya know? I used to feel so free. Maybe today is the day. You up for it?"

Peeta looks at me. "I've never been outside the fence Katniss. Will I be intruding if I go with you?" I shake my head. "No. It'll be fine. You're certainly not stealthy, but then again I'm not hunting anything today." We make it to the fence and go through it.

It's beautiful today. We walk a little ways in silence and then I start telling him that my bow and arrows are stashed in a hollowed tree. We make our way to the tree and sure enough, they're intact. I sling them on and I feel like my old self. I take a couple of arrows out and fire off a couple. I'm still a straight shot. I guess some things you don't lose. Peeta claps his hands and whistles while I show off. I look over at him. "Hey, have you ever shot an arrow before?" His eyes grow wide. "Nope. I think I'll leave that to the expert." I goad him a little bit. "Don't you want to at least fire one off? Even once in your lifetime? It's pretty empowering." Peeta laughs at me and says, "well if you say so. Lets see if I can even hit the tree. I'll need a few pointers. I've never done this before."

I show Peeta how to hold the bow and position the arrow within it. I fasten my arm guard to his right arm and lean in to help him straighten himself out. I whisper into his ear. "You ready Peeta? Pull back your arm all the way. Focus your eyes on your intended target. Never remove them. And then just let go." Peeta fires one off and it actually hits the tree. He jumps around like a little boy. "Wow, that was awesome! Can I try another one?"

"Sure. I've got several left." When Peeta pulls his arm back, I lean into his ear really close and just blow on it lightly. He loses his focus and the arrow runs off past the tree. I howl with laughter. He laughs with me. "You are such a jerk Katniss. Low blow." I'm dying I'm laughing so hard. "I had to Peeta. I just couldn't resist. Focus, you always have to focus. Ah, that was funny. Gotta love it." Peeta rolls his eyes at me and runs over to fetch the arrows we fired off.

I put them back in my quiver and we keep walking around the forest. I'm feeling like a snack. We didn't pack a lunch. "Hey, want to pick some berries? I'm feeling kind of hungry. How about you?" Peeta answers. "Yeah, sure. I think I saw some over there." He points away from the path.

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh you did, did you? Well whatever you pick, make sure it isn't night lock. We don't want to go through that again." "That was an honest mistake. I had no idea it was deadly" he says. I tease him some more. "Just don't eat it until I see it." Peeta agrees with me.

We move off the path and collect some berries. Then we clear some brush and sit down together. These berries look good and so we have our little snack together. We eat in silence. Listening to the birds chirping around us. I start to hum a tune and then finally sing 'The Hanging Tree'. The mockingjays repeat it back to me. Peeta stares at me in awe.

"What?" I ask him. His mouth is hanging open. He shrugs out of it. "Nothing. I'm just always in awe when you sing. And it's been so long since I've heard you. Just a little stunned is all. But thank you for the treat." "Your welcome." I answer.

I look around us some more and I get an idea. My mother left her plant book behind and I've always meant to add or improve upon some of the entries that my parents had put in there together. Considering that Peeta picked night lock once, it would probably be a good idea. I know that I can write, but Peeta can draw. No point documenting a plant or berry if you don't have a picture of what it looks like. This is something that I really have always meant to do. Now is as good a time as any to ask Peeta to help me.

"Peeta?" "Yes" he replies. I continue, "Would you be interested in helping me with a little project? I've been meaning to start it for some time now. But seeing as time is the one thing I have too much of, it's a sin not to get it done." I've got his attention now. "What is it?" he asks.

I tell him about the family plant book and how I want to add to the pages. That I would need his talent as an artist to draw pictures of the plants, flowers and berries. Peeta agrees to help me. We get up and leave no trace of having been there. We start heading back and begin some more small talk.

Peeta smiles at me. "Well, it looks like this walk did us both some good today. Gave us two projects to work on and we learned a few things about each other too. Not bad for the first day, huh?" I nod in agreement. "Not bad at all Peeta."

We get back to our homes and I just kind of notice that it's late in the afternoon. Dinner is coming up soon. I hate eating by myself. We basically haven't eaten anything all day other than the berries. I walk inside, Peeta following me, and smell the stew on the stove. Sae was obviously here. I look back at him. "You hungry?" "Famished" he says.

I grab two bowls and the cheese buns from this morning and we dig in. I'm starving. I look up and Peeta has sauce near his mouth. Instinctively I wipe it away with my fingers, realizing too late that I crossed an invisible line. His blue eyes just look at me. I know I made a stupid promise to myself , a promise meant to protect me from hurting if I lost him again. But in this moment, I can't even remember the dialog I used to convince myself to stay on that path.

I've had the most enjoyable day with Peeta. I haven't enjoyed an afternoon so much since the last time I was with him, nearly a year ago. He is just so amazing. I don't think I can even help myself. I lean in and close the gap between us. He doesn't move. He's afraid of being the aggressor, of setting me off. I'm close to his lips, just like last night. I brush my lips lightly against his and whisper "thank you". Peeta looks me in the eyes and whispers back. "What for?"

I look from his eyes to his lips and then I answer. "For the most amazing day." Then I kiss him.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Didn't proof read. Just spell checked. About to leave for the night and wanted to give you something special. See A/N at bottom too. Will fix any errors when I get home. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 33**

It's been three weeks since I kissed Peeta. Things between us are still calm and peaceful. Playful even. Neither of us have said anything about the kiss. We obviously both know that it happened but we're not drawing attention to it. Our mornings have developed a simple routine involving each other. Haymitch tends to appear at night. He's kept his distance since the second edition of black or red made an appearance. He got out of us what he wanted to, and now he's letting us figure it out for ourselves.

I had just turn the coffee pot on when Peeta walks through the door. He's got a basket of fresh cinnamon buns in his hands. He places them on the table and says "Good morning Katniss. How did you sleep?" I take two mugs out of the cabinet and turn to him. "Like crap. You?" He smiles and says "Like crap too." We both laugh. It seems to be our daily ritual and the answer is always the same.

The coffee finishes brewing and I fix ours the way we like it. I sit down and pull my legs up to my chin. Clouds are out. It looks like rain. Peeta looks at me. "So, it looks pretty ominous outside. Might be a good day to stay indoors. I thought maybe we could start on the plant book today." I nod. "I think you're right Peeta. I think today is the day."

We eat our breakfast while making some more small talk. Peeta runs home to grab his drawing pencils and returns quickly. When he gets back, he looks more comfortable. He's changed into sweat pants and he brought his slippers with him. It makes sense. He plops down on the couch and I tell him I'll be right back. I head upstairs and change into my own sweatpants and put my slippers on. When I get downstairs, Peeta just smiles. "Stealing my idea, are we?" he chides me. "Can't help it if it was a good one. May as well be comfortable." Peeta nods. "The air feels raw outside. Whatever storm is coming is going to be a big one."

I shutter."Hey, what's today's update on the bakery? Any news?" I inquire. Peeta has been working diligently on the bakery for the past few weeks. With the Justice Building still in ruins, the formalities have kind of gone by the wayside in terms of permits and stuff. However, supplies still had to be ordered and a certificate of ownership had to be transferred to Peeta from Don. Thom just had the foundation poured earlier in the week and now it was a waiting game before they could start. Peeta answers. "Um, no news today and I'm sure they're not working because of the weather. Thom said we'd be good to go beginning next week. Start putting up beams. I was thinking that I would help them build the bakery. Thought it might be good to put some labor into my own business. Would you be cool with that? I won't be around here as much."

I look at Peeta. I have certainly gotten used to having him around during the day but he's right. Not only is is right for him to want to contribute to the rebuilding of the bakery, but when it's done, he's going to be there all day anyway baking. It's unreasonable to think that he would always be here with me. I'm going to have to find my own hobbies to soak up some of my time once this is all underway. I flip my hair out of my eye and address his fears. "No, it's cool Peeta. I knew you would be busy once the bakery got underway. I think it's great what you're doing. I have to do my own thing too. I just haven't figured it out yet."

Peeta smiles and says, "I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough. In the meantime, I wouldn't mind eating squirrel sometime in this life again." He chuckles. I give him a playful pat on his arm. "Maybe someday soon." I reply. I take the plant book off of the shelf and hand it to Peeta. He starts to flip through the pages. Carefully touching the words and images that happen to already be there. He looks up at me with those awesome blue eyes. "So where do we begin?" he asks. "Um, I think at the beginning. There are a lot of pages that don't have pictures. We can try to fill in the blanks. Then when we get to the end, we'll add more entries."

We spend the morning going over the book and manage to complete several unfinished pages. Peeta is going on only what I'm able to tell him or what he's able to recall from the plant station at the games. He's really been learning quite a bit from the book and seems to be enjoying himself. By lunch time, the sky has opened up and it's pitch black outside. Peeta looks out the window and notices the wind really picking up. It's beginning to howl. I decide it's time to feed my helper and I venture into the kitchen to get out the stew. I start warming it up on the stove and begin to feel a chill in the air. I walk over to Peeta to ask him why he hasn't stirred the logs in the fire and find him sleeping on the couch.

He is absolutely stunning when he sleeps. He's absolutely stunning anytime but the peacefulness that sleep brings, enhances his masculine features. It's very hard to not notice Peeta. It's also been increasingly hard not to think about him that way. I walk over to him and on instinct I brush a few curls out of his eyes. He opens them, smiles at me and grabs my hand and kisses the inside palm. "Lunch ready?" he asks. I respond. "Yup, we're having beef stew. Want to eat it out here? It's cold in the kitchen." Peeta nods at me. "Sure. I'll get the fire going too. Sorry I dozed off. Rough night last night."

I go into the kitchen, grab the bowls and trot over to the couch. After I hand his bowl to him, I grab a blanket and begin to cover us up with it. Way too chilly in here.

We begin to eat in silence and Peeta breaks it. "So, what's next? Any other projects you need doing around here?" I ponder that for a moment. "Not for the moment. Oh, I need my door handle tightened. Haymitch had to break in once and it hasn't quite worked the same." Peeta looks at me. "Break in? Do I even want to know?" I shake my head. "Nothing to freak out about. It was quite some time ago. I wasn't really myself back then. You know how it is." Peeta smiles and continues to eat. "I'll take care of it after we eat. Get it over with."

The rain really begins to come down now. We can hear it terrorizing the house. The wind is screaming wild. The electricity finally gives up and goes out. Peeta fixed the doorknob and then stokes the fire some more, adding a couple of logs. It's warmed up a bit but it's still chilly in the house. It's a big house and takes a lot of effort to heat it throughout. My toes are cold inside my socks. I try to sneak my feet under Peeta's legs to warm them up. "Hey now, what do you think you're doing? He asks. "Nothing. No idea what you're talking about." I reply. "Oh really? Your cold ass feet are nestled under my legs. Didn't think I'd notice them, did you now?" I laugh. "You're not gonna let me freeze to death now are you Peeta? After all we've been through?" He keeps up the banter. "Well I suppose not. Come over here. I'll warm you up while the fire gets going again." I inch my way over to Peeta and he wraps his arms around me.

We're both laying down on the couch, literally both sideways, facing each other. There isn't a lot of room, even though the couch is a Capitol special and it's pretty large. Peeta covers us with the blankets after getting the fire going some more. We're not going to fit on this couch if there aren't some concessions. I get a little closer and open my legs to allow on of his in and then I wrap my other one over his. He's already holding my waist, trying to warm me up. Our feet are already rubbing each other, causing friction. It's extremely hard not to be completely aware of him. He feels it too. I start to have my inner conflict again. I am hyper aware of my proximity to Peeta and my body is coming alive at the closeness of him. I can hear his breath hitch here and there. He's trying to read my thoughts and gauge the situation. Figure out if he should say something or just simply feign sleep at some point.

My hands leave his waist and I bring them up to his chest and lightly just keep them there. My right hand placed right over his heart. It's beating a mile a minute. Just like mine. I can smell him. Peeta always smells like bread and cinnamon. I can smell his aftershave too. He always smells good. Even in the cave he smelled good, so manly. I'm getting lost in my thoughts. Peeta leans in and smells my hair, taking a deep breath. Then he moves the errant strand out of my eyes and then gazes into my eyes. It's there. We're thinking the exact same things about each other. Going through the exact same emotions.

He' still not going to initiate anything without my permission. He doesn't want to scare me off. He looks from my lips to my eyes and I just slowly blink at him. I'm just in awe of him and not really thinking at the moment. Peeta takes that as permission and leans in, kissing my lips. At that moment, time seems to stop. We're the only two people on the world. He's not rushed and over eager. Peeta is giving me chaste kisses. He's not pushing the situation at all.

He does however, let his hands slightly roam, to my back and he pulls me slightly closer to him. When he does, I surprise him by opening my lips and allowing him access. We both moan the second our tongues meet. It has been so long since he's kissed me this way. Since before the Quell. I don't count our hijacking reunion. That wasn't him and it certainly wasn't out of love. Love. It had been so long since I've thought the word, pertaining to Peeta. Not because I didn't want it to work out, I did. I am just petrified. I didn't know if I would survive losing him again. All of that doesn't matter right now.

We continue to kiss slowly for a little while. Trying not to get carried away. I won't allow that to happen. Peeta stops us all on his own. I pulls his lips away and kisses my cheek. Stroking my back pulling my head down to his chest. The rain is really pounding outside. I place my right ear against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It's the most beautiful sound in the world. A sound I don't want to ever live without. I let it lull me to sleep.

I wake up and discover that I'm still in Peeta arms. I look up and he gazes back at me. He's so beautiful. "Hey sleepy head. I was wondering when you were going to come alive. I couldn't bear to wake you."

I smile. "You should have woken me up. Did the power come back on?" I ask. He shake shakes his head. "Nope, still raging. I'm sorry if it's cold in here now. We both fell asleep and I neglected the fire when I woke. I was already warm and toasty holding you." I blush. He's got a way with words. We get off the couch, take turns in the separate bathrooms and both of us seem to find ourselves in the kitchen.

We look at each other and gush. We haven't acknowledged the elephant in the room yet. This time I start. "So, what are we eating tonight? I think it's your turn to cook." I laugh and Peeta laughs with me. We both know this isn't going to be easy with no power. The stove isn't the problem, that's wood burning, just like they always have been in District Twelve. It's that there's limited lighting. "Um, okay. What are you in the mood for?" First thought that comes to my mind is 'you' but I quickly tuck that away and say "surprise me." Peeta crosses his arms and bites on his lip like he's thinking out loud. He starts rummaging around in the refrigerator and cabinets.

He turns to me. "Do you have any candles close by? It's hard to see now." I walk over to the shelf in the living room and grab the candle off of it. Peeta lights it with a match. As he's holding it, the candle illuminates his smile and his hair has highlights I never even noticed before. I feel my composure starting to slip. Best way to counter my fears is to put on the fake smile. Peeta sees right through it. "What's wrong?" he asks. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine." I answer. Peeta shakes his head. "You're lying to me. You know you can't lie. Spit it out. I didn't even tell you what I wanted to make yet so I know it's not about disliking it. So tell me what it is." I smile a real smile now. "Everything's fine. More than fine. Come on, you're wasting time. I'm starving. You wouldn't want me to starve to death, now would you?"

It's out of my mouth before I can stop it and we both flash back to being eleven years old. The night he saved me with the bread. It's such a powerful connection between us. To think and care for the other on such an intense level. Peeta hones in on me and scoops me up in his arms before I can oppose.

Oppose? Who am I kidding? There is no opposition here. His lips meet mine and there are tons of emotions behind it. Love, want, need, concern, but most of all hunger. We are slowly building to the point where the hunger we have is going to take control of us. I'm not opposed to the hunger. I'm opposed to losing him. I need more time. Time to make sure he's really alright and that an episode is less of a danger.

He has us practically on the table when he regains his senses and pulls us up. We both take deep breaths to steady our hearts. Peeta puts his forehead to mine. "I think I should feed you before you wither away to nothing. Wouldn't want you to lose your curves now." He winks at me and I turn pink. He always has such a way with words. He brings me back to my feet and grabs a pan and fills it with water, adding a little salt. He's moving so fast around the kitchen now. He takes bread batter that's risen already off of the shelf and gotten it prepped for baking in what seams like a moment. He coats it in a garlic/oil mixture and then pops it into the oven. The water is boiling and he tosses in some pasta for boiling. Then he takes out a pan and begins to whisk some butter. I get all excited. "Ooh, are you making that Hollandaise sauce again?" I ask. "Nope, something better" he responds. "Sorry, nothing could be better than that sauce." I quickly counter. Peeta turns red. "I can think of something better still." He says. His mind is totally in the gutter and now he's made me turn beet red.

I'm totally flushed. "Whatever Mellark. Still hungry over here." I tease. Peeta teases me back. "Keep your pants on. Almost done. It's coming." I don't know if he really realizes that all the sexual innuendo is starting to turn real. I have had the most amazing month with him. I know that I'm falling in love with him all over again. But even if I wasn't, I am incredibly hot for him. It has been a _LONG_ time for me. At this point, Peeta could be on four legs and start looking good to me. I laugh to myself. My hormones are all over the place. I know he's feeling the same way. We desire each other. There's nothing wrong with that. In just a few minutes, Peeta drains the pasta, takes the bread out of the oven and finishes the sauce. I decide the only thing I want for dinner now is him. My hunger for Peeta for exceeds my hunger for food. I take my pants off and stand there in my little black panties.

Peeta turns around and nearly drops the dish when he sees me standing there. He looks like he's on fire. He's frozen. He doesn't know if he should take me into his arms or not. He gradually puts the dish down, his eyes never leaving mine. We stare at each other for a few minutes and then to make my point clear, I take my panties off.

This time, Peeta moves.

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday. My three year old kitty Cleo, passed away after a risky surgery to remove poll ups in her ears and throat. Whole family was devastated. I tried to write. Was even going to kill off poor Buttercup, but decided to take a day to regroup. Hope this chapter pleased! Thanks for all the love and be sure to review! -Jen**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Thank you to my regular reviewers. I love to hear from you, even if I can't always respond because of schedule. You know who you are and I appreciate all of your feedback. Loves XOXO!**

**Chapter 34**

I know that move was completely risque but it got the reaction that I wanted. The problem is that I was impulsive and didn't think it through. I haven't been taking my pill in a very long time. I can totally get pregnant. We're not even in Peeta's house, we're in mine, and I know he's got protection at the other house. I also know the little blue potion is tucked safely away in my drawer in the house too. What to do what to do? Go for it and take a chance or not?

There's a monsoon outside. As soon as I took my panties off, Peeta had me in his arms and we were flying backwards towards the fireplace. He threw the blanket on the floor with one hand and we were on it a second after. It has been too long. As if we weren't attracted to each other in the first place, the fact that we're completely horny from not being intimate in damn near a year, it isn't helping. We are not thinking clearly. This is when mistakes happen. Peeta has his shirt off and my hands are all over him, rediscovering him. I have to stop this. We're going to go too far and then have a baby. We're still growing back together. A baby would tie us to each other before we've made our final decision to be together.

Somewhere in the middle of all of this foreplay I decide that as much as I care for Peeta, I haven't completely made a decision about getting back together with him. Consummating anything with him, might give him the wrong idea. Then we would be right back to where we started. God, I want him right now. I don't even know if I could ever separate love from sex but I am really contemplating if we could just have a freebie right now. I come to the realization quickly, I don't know how I even managed under the circumstances, that Peeta would want me to base any decision to be with him, on our relationship and not on a sexual experience between us. He wants all or nothing. It's the kind of man that he is. If we do this tonight, it'll mean that I'm ready to be with him and I haven't given myself over to the idea yet. I haven't relinquished all of my fears and pain about his hijacking yet.

I open my mouth and the words tumble out. "Peeta, we have to stop. I'm sorry. You don't even know how sorry I am." Peeta grunts like he's in pain and mutters "I knew you were going to stop this. It was too good to be true." I pull his face to me and look him in his gorgeous blue eyes. "Listen to me Peeta, hear every single word I'm about to say. I want you. I think my body has completely given up that fact. But I haven't made an official decision about us yet. I'm taking each day at a time. I'm getting closer everyday. But if we give in right now, without protection, and I get pregnant, we will never know if we're together because we want to be or because of circumstances. I don't want us to be together because of the Games, the Capitol, or a pregnancy. If it works out, I want it to be because we love each other and CHOSE each other. I want the right to choose you. And I want you to have the same right."

Peeta nods in agreement. He tries to steady his breathing and then he looks at me with a mischievous look in his eyes. He clears his throat. "Okay. I hear what you're saying but we're kind of in a moment here and I don't think I can let you put your clothes on just yet. You follow what I'm saying?" He grins at me. I blush at his suggestion and then lower my hand to the bulge in his sweatpants. He groans and sighs. He rolls off of me onto his side and I stroke him slowly, teasing him. I decide to really play dirty and tease him extra special. I pull his pants down and he hurries to remove them completely. Normally it's Peeta who's the sexual aggressor and I'm just along for the ride, learning.

I'm turning a new leaf tonight. I want to bring him as much pleasure as possible, without doing the act itself. I take his manhood in my hands, stroking him, and Peeta grunts. I bring him just a little closer to me and do something really erotic. I stick my finger inside myself and scoop out some of my wetness onto my finger and rub it on the top of his penis. His eyes roll back when he realizes what I've done and I know it's taking every ounce of strength not to jump my bones.

I begin to kiss him, starting at his mouth and working my way down. I suck on his nipples and gently tease them with my tongue. He absolutely loves that. My hands are all over him. I make my way down to his nether region and I hear him catch his breath when I lick the tip of his penis. I have seldom done this to him before. Normally, Peeta and I don't make it this far before we've slammed into each other. These things are for special occasions when we are taking our time. I still haven't perfected the technique yet but I'm not hearing any opposition in Peeta. He's presently moaning like I'm killing him.

I suck on his penis relentlessly, licking, kissing and stroking him all over. He is on fire. His hands are in my hair and he's begging me to get on top of him. I continue what I'm doing until I know he's going to come. I know he wants the real thing but this is going to have to do for tonight. Normally I would have finished him off with my hand but since I'm on the dirty path, I decide to go full throttle. I suck on him slightly harder until he can't control himself anymore. Instead of pulling off, I receive him. I've tasted him before, but not by the mouthful. His eyes grow wide at me and I just issue a smile and swallow. I swear he could come again after seeing me do that but he doesn't.

He's quick as lightning and rolls me over onto my back. His lips crashing down onto mine. I am horny as hell and if I didn't just do what I did, I would probably spread my legs and take him into me right now for the hell of it. I probably shouldn't have had the thought because Peeta is already getting hard again. I don't know why I'm procrastinating. I am totally crazy about this boy. I would never, ever, be caught dead doing what I'm doing with any other boy and I know this. I also know, deep in my heart and in the back of my mind, that Peeta is legally my husband. Therefore making this entire evening technically correct.

Peeta begins to work his magic on my body. Starting at my mouth and working his way down to my breasts. He sucks, licks and gropes them until they're raw and marked with his kisses. He then makes his way farther down to my vagina and traces his finger on the outside of my opening. My back arches in anticipation and I can feel myself drip all over his finger. He takes his finger and puts it in his mouth and sucks on it, making eye contact with me. Then he opens up my legs and begins to descend down towards my opening. He hesitates and then I realize what he's doing, he's smelling me. How erotic.

I'm shaking with anticipation now, almost shivering. Peeta gives me one slow lick and my back arches all the way up and I moans out loud. He chuckles and does it again, only reaching a farther area with his tongue this time, stretching the 'kiss'. He does this a few more times, knowing that I absolutely love it when he does this. Then he plunges his tongue inside me and goes to work. I am a frigging mess. As if I wasn't incredibly horny anyway, my mind is now racing and dissecting every single possible way to do the deed without the commitment. I know it's wrong but when I'm under his spell, I'm just not thinking with my brain. My instincts take over and it's all about satisfaction.

Peeta adds a finger to the mix and I'm putty in his hands. His tongue and fingers are reaching my heart, I swear he's so far in. Then he brings me to the brink and I can feel my body start to climax. It has been far too long. I give myself over to my senses and enjoy every moment of it. I'm in the middle of the decline when Peeta bring his body over mine and looks me in the eyes. They're so full of love and lust.

All of this tonight has been wonderful, but it's him inside me that I really want. I miss him. I don't care what tomorrow brings as long as he's with me tonight. He leans down and strokes my cheek. His lips so close to mine but not touching them fully. Just grazing slightly, letting the tension build. Peeta wipes the hair out of my face and tucks the errant strand behind my ear. Then he pulls out the tie on my braid and runs his fingers through it, fanning it out around my head. I can feel him harden above me. He's always had a thing for my hair being down.

We spend these few moments in silence, trying to assess the situation and if we should take the next step. We've practically done it anyway. There isn't anything more intimate than how we've been with each other. Not just tonight, but in the past too. I vow to myself that tonight, this moment, will be my one freebie until I make a final decision about Peeta. I just need more time to not be afraid of losing him again. He hasn't had any episodes, that I've witnessed, but that doesn't mean he won't. His gaze is boring into mine. He wants entry. He wants me.

I can't deny him. I've never been strong enough to deny him before and I certainly don't have the will power to start now. I never break my gaze from Peeta's eyes. I spread my legs and he's immediately in the most intimate position he could be with me. I find my voice before he enters me. "I'll need that little blue bottle tomorrow morning." I tell him. Peeta closes the gap to my lips and says "I'll get it first thing." Then he kisses me like he's on fire. It's raw, unadulterated, passion. There is no holding back now. Peeta enters me and I gasp at the size of him. It's been so long, my body stretches to accommodate him . Peeta is panting already. It's as if we're virgins again. Like this is some kind of confirmation that I haven't been with anyone else. He's elated, I can see it on his face.

We find a rhythm and begin to move with each other, trying to get deeper and deeper. Peeta is pulling in and out, thrusting farther into me each time. He does the unexpected and rolls us over so he's on his back. We always voted for this position. It's the absolute maximum climax for the two of us. When he hits my special spot, I cannot be controlled. I move on top of Peeta, and dangle my breast to his face. He is a wild man. He pulls my hips tighter to him and starts moving us in the same direction. I can already feel the build up to hitting my spot. When Peeta hits it, he grunts and pulls me tighter, thrusting into me and I literally get lost in the moment. The euphoric waves are washing all over me and I keep saying his name out loud. I come again and again. I don't think it's ever been this many times. He just keeps hitting the spot and another wave washes over me. I could do this all day. After he can't contain himself anymore, Peeta climaxes with me on my final time.

When it's over, we're both still. We don't know what to do or say. Neither of us can move. We went too far tonight, too soon. It's too late to turn back the clock now. I don't regret it at all. I know it wasn't the wisest decision, but it wasn't the worst I've ever made. Peeta spends whats left of himself inside me and then goes soft and pulls out. He rolls over onto his side and pulls me close to him. We speak now words yet. We just hold each other. After a short while, Peeta pulls away from me, leaning down to kiss my lips. Then he speaks to me. "Why don't you run upstairs and take a shower while I reheat dinner up?" I smile and kiss him. "Um, sounds good. Somebody made me very hungry." He kisses me again.

I get up and make my way up the stairs to the bathroom. I turn around and wink at him, he winks back. The shower feels great. I feel great. I step out of it and wipe off the fog in the mirror. Once again, I feel alive and beautiful and sexy. I trace my hands over my curves and touch all the areas Peeta touched. My body feels so different under my touch as opposed to Peeta's hands. He just makes me feel so alive.

I towel dry my body and put some pajamas on. Then I tend to my hair. I decide to leave it down for Peeta. He loves it when my hair is down. I brush my teeth and head down the stairs.

I get down there and he's gone. I'm not immediately nervous. I check the bathroom, and the other rooms, no Peeta. I head into the kitchen, the food is warmed. Where is he? I look to the door and his shoes are gone. Where did he go? The storm is raging outside. I throw my arms through my jacket and pull on my boots. I open the door and it nearly whips out of my hands. I force it shut behind me as I step out into the rain. I look over at Haymitch's house and can see the television light on. I look past to Peeta's house and can see a light on. Why did he leave?

I run over to his house and turn the nob. The wind makes the door fly open and I have to throw all of my weight against it to close it. I spin around and don't see Peeta. I start frantically calling his name throughout the house. I run up the stairs to the bedroom and find Peeta in the corner of the room. Huddled on the ground, knees pulled up to his chest. When he sees me, he's terrified. It's only then that I notice his eyes have gone dark and he has something in his hand, the little blue bottle of homemade potion my mother made me. He speaks first. "Get out of here you filthy mutt! I'm not going to let you finish me off! I'll kill you if you come any closer! Get out!"

I'm stunned. I haven't witnessed him having an episode in a very long time. And after what just transpired between us, I am completely unprepared for what I am witnessing. I inch closer. I need to get the bottle out of his hands. If I was worried about being intimate with Peeta before, that pales in comparison to the fear creeping through me now. If he throws that bottle, I could be in an even more dangerous position. I have to try to reason with him.

"Peeta, I promise I will leave you alone if you just please give me the blue bottle. I won't hurt you. You can just put it down on that dresser over there and I won't come anywhere near you. I promise."

Peeta looks at the bottle carefully. "What's in it? Don't lie to me." I take a deep breath knowing this will probably end badly. "It's a special medicine so that I don't have a baby. I'm not ready to have a baby Peeta."

He looks at the bottle again and then back to me. "Who would want to have a baby with you anyway? There's nothing spectacular about you. You look really plain to me. Probably a filthy whore. I should toss this bottle now but I wouldn't want a child to suffer with you for a mother. Here. Take the bottle and do the world a favor you fucking mutt."

I reel back like he slapped me. All of my insecurities come rushing to the surface. I feel like they're clawing through my skin and erupting on the surface. Peeta puts the bottle on the dresser. I rush over to it and grab it. I'm shaking so bad. I swallow whats left of the mix down and wipe my mouth. I need to get out of here. I look at Peeta. A smug, self satisfying look graces his face. I can't keep doing this. As soon as I open myself up, he regresses and brings me right back down. I know it's not really his fault, it's the Capitol's, but it doesn't hurt any less because of it. I throw the bottle at him, hitting him square in the cheek.

This enrages him and he gives chase. I start running. I run right out of the house and down the street. He's chasing me but I'm faster because of his leg. He's trying to keep up though. I finally turn around to see him collapse on the ground in pursuit. I keep running, the tears overcoming the fear and adrenaline now. I can't stop them. I am so stupid. It's all my fault. I should never have believed that we could overcome this. It's too strong. He's going to be the death of me one day. He hates me. He thinks I'm ugly, pathetic. I'm a poor excuse for a woman. I always thought that I didn't deserve him but now I know that he doesn't deserve me either.

I tear myself apart. My heart is breaking. I was so close again. I can't keep losing him to this monster. I don't even know what set him off. I've seen him so often that I didn't even think he's had any episodes. Here I am thinking that the worst is behind us and it's not. It's in my face and I can't hide from it anymore. I find myself in town finally. I can hardly see. The wind is whipping all around me, ripping through me. I'm soaked to the bone, raw and shivering. My eyes are so wet I can't tell if it's rain or tears keeping them that way. I stop running and start walking. I still can't catch my breath, my heart is simply broken. I don't have anymore strength.

I wander around through town. Puddles are like small lakes. I look up and realize that I'm at the bakery. Peeta's bakery. The place I ended up that night when we were eleven years old. Just a starving Seam rat scouring through the garbage pails looking for food. It was raining hard that night too. If Peeta hadn't saved me with the bread, I would have died under the apple tree. I had given up on life and he had given me hope. I survey the property, remembering everything, fresh tears coming down my face. I've lost Peeta. My hope. It's gone. There's nothing left for me. I've given up.

I wander over to the foundation and stare down into it. It seems fitting that after nearly seven years, I am in the same spot I was in so long ago. I defied death each time it came for me. Maybe I can't defy it anymore. Maybe it's time for me to just let go and let it consume me. I just stare at the foundation, not knowing how to function anymore. I'm exhausted. I can't stand anymore. I feel my eyes roll back slightly and I feel like I'm falling through space. I hit the pavement with a horrific thud. I can't feel it. I open my eyes and find there is some water accumulation down here. Good, I think. It'll speed up the process. After all of these years, I have finally returned to Mellark Bakery to die.

_Peeta POV_

_I wake up in the street. Why am I in the street? Where's Katniss? God it's cold. What the fuck happened? I pick myself up and manage to make my way back to the Victors Village. I see my door wide open. I run through the house calling her name but she doesn't respond. I find the blue bottle, empty, on the floor. Oh my god, what happened here? I must have had an episode. _

_Now I remember coming to the house. I had heated up dinner and then remembered the bottle. I didn't want Katniss to be worried about the medicine all night so while she was in the shower I ran over here to get it. I must have had an episode while I was here and then she came looking for me. _

_I run out of my house and over to hers. I can't find her anywhere. I run next door to Haymitch's house and bang on the door. He opens it, surprised and ushers me in. "Is she here?" I ask him. His eyes grow wide with fear. "No, she's not. Did you check her house?" I nod. "Yes, and mine. I can't find her anywhere. Haymitch, I had an episode. I don't know what happened." Haymitch hands me a jacket and puts one on himself and off we go in search of Katniss. _

_We head into town. I tell him where I was when I woke up and we head in that direction. We reach town and split up to cover more ground. Haymitch Heads right for the Seam to see if she's holed up anywhere in the dilapidated buildings or if there's any trace of her entering the woods. I begin checking the alleys looking to see if she could be hiding anywhere. I come to the bakery and for some reason, I'm drawn to it. I take a small step and start to prepare myself for what could be down there. The foundation is deep. There are temporary stairs leading down into it but there is no shelter. Water was bound to pool at the bottom due to the storm. _

_A nagging fear begins to stir in my gut. I bring myself to the edge of the foundation and find Katniss at the bottom of it. The scream that escapes my lips cannot even be distinguished as human. It's of raw pain and terror. I am paralyzed with fear of losing her. I scramble down the ladder and grab her into my arms. I check her pulse, it's still there but she's barely breathing. I shouldn't be moving her. I don't know if she's broken anything. It doesn't matter at this point. I have to get her out of here. _

_I carefully place her over my shoulder and climb up the ladder. Haymitch must have heard me scream because he's rushing to me when I reach the top. "She's alive. We have to get her back to the house." I tell him. I carry her and make my way back to the Victors Village. I have no idea if she's broken anything or how long she was out in the cold. I kick in the door and bring her right to the couch. Haymitch runs upstairs to grab her dry clothes and a few more blankets while I start stripping off her clothes. He gets downstairs and I look at him, he removes himself to the kitchen. Sorry but he's not going to view my naked wife, even under the circumstances. I'm here and I can change her. _

_After I get her changed, we try to assess the damage. She may have a broken wrist. Probably try to brace her fall. Otherwise, there's just slight bruising. I wrap her wrist in an ace bandage and apply a cold compress to the bruises on her ribs. She doesn't even flinch. _


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Never fear, Team Peeta all the way. Wrote this and I guess I forgot to load it! So now you get TWO chapters tonight!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 35**

_Peeta POV_

_I come to in the other room with my father sitting on the edge of the bed. He's holding my hand, telling me that Katniss is fine. I rub my eyes and focus in on him. Then I remember why I fainted in the first place. "She's okay? Did she wake up yet?" I ask. "Yes and yes." Dad says. I sit up straight and he pushes me back down. "Lily is filling her in on everything that's happened. Give her a little bit. Her body has been through a trauma. Katniss did ask for you. Lily told her she had to relax first." Dad says. _

_Just then there's a soft rap on the door and Lily comes in. I start in on her. "How is she? Can I see her? Is she mad at me?" Lily holds up her hand to silence me. "She's fine considering the circumstances. She wants to see you. She's not mad at you. But you both have a lot to talk about." Lily says. I scurry off the bed and jog over to the bedroom door, lightly knocking on it. "Come in." Katniss says. It feels so good just to hear her voice. I smile when I see her. "Hey there. It's good to see your eyes again."_

"_Same here Peeta. It seems like forever since I've seen yours." she says. _

_She pats the bed next to her and I sit down. I begin to stammer. "Katniss, I don't know what happened. I woke up in the middle of the street and couldn't find you. Then I found you in the foundation of the bakery. I didn't know if you were seriously injured. I couldn't remember anything after the episode. Just that I went to get the blue bottle for you so you wouldn't worry about it all night. I swear on my life, I never meant to hurt you. You know what you mean to me."_

_Katniss looks me square in the eyes. "When you weren't downstairs, I checked your house. You were huddled in the corner in the middle of the episode with the blue bottle in your hand. I couldn't risk you throwing it so I asked you for it. You asked me what it was for and I told you. You then told me to take it because I was horrible and would make a lousy mother. That I would be doing the world a favor by drinking it. There wasn't much left but I drank it and chucked the bottle at you. That enraged you and you started to chase me. You couldn't keep up and you collapsed in the street. I kept going and then found myself at the bakery. I kept wishing that I had died at eleven, when you gave me the bread. That there was no hope for us. You would always revert back to hating me and saying cruel things."_

_I'm mortified. I pull her into my lap, smelling her hair. Her arms tighten around me as I hold her close. "Katniss, I am so sorry. I was so good for so long. If I have one incident a week, that's a lot. And normally they're after a nightmare or something at night. I have really been working hard to put all of that behind me, for us. There is nothing that I want more than to be with you. Forever."_

_Katniss holds my face in her hands. "Peeta, you know how I feel about you but I can't commit until I know that I'll be safe. I lost our baby tonight Peeta. We made a baby and didn't even know it. We couldn't protect it from us, you and me. It wasn't the Capitol that took the baby from us tonight Peeta, it was us being toxic to each other. What if one day we're having another baby and I can't outrun you during an episode? What if you hurt our child when it's here? When you're in those moments, you absolutely hate me. Why wouldn't you hate a child that looks like me? You won't be able to distinguish otherwise. We just can't take the chance so soon." She continues. _

"_In a few days, my mother and Don will be returning to District Four and I'll be on the train with them. My mother is going to talk to Haymitch about getting special permission for me to stay with her for a while. Have some therapy at the new hospital and be further evaluated. She wants to make sure that I can have more kids someday. If I want to."_

_I feel like she slapped me. "You're leaving me? Can I come with you? Don't make me stay here without you Katniss. Please. I need you. Please?" I beg her. She closes her eyes and a tear rolls down he beautiful face. _

"_It's for the best Peeta. We'll both be able to heal and then see what happens. It's just for a little while. I'm afraid of what will happen to us otherwise. We need some space. We rushed it. We have to set it right again." She says. _

_I can't stay here. I pull away from her and rush down the stairs to the door. I need to go lick my wounds. I can't lose her. I just can't keep losing her. I go next door to Haymitch's house and the light is on. I don't even knock, I just walk in. Haymitch looks up from the television and comes to give me a hug. "I heard the news boy. Sit right down and let me get you a drink. Shit, you need two glasses instead of one. This girl is sucking the youth out of you. Is that a gray hair?" he picks at my head and I swat him away. _

_I take a shot and start to talk. "What am I gonna do Haymitch? She's leaving me, again? Why can't we just ever be together? Why does there always have to be some kind of obstacle or drama? I just want to be with her. I don't understand it." I take another shot and hang my head in my hands. _

_Haymitch sighs. "Listen boy, love sucks. It is never easy. You and the girl, you busting with love for each other. So much so, that you give the rest of us hope. Hope that we can find that kind of love someday. I've been telling you for a long time now but you're both too hot for each other. TIME is your friend. Let it go slow. You'll find your way back to each other if you let nature run its course. Let her go. She will come back to you Peeta. I swear it. She loves you man." _

"_I don't know Haymitch. What if she leaves and finds herself some beach bum in District Four?" I ask him. _

_Haymitch chuckles. "Have you even seen yourself lately Peeta.? All the chicks want you. You're a fucking stud! Stand up, come look in the mirror." He brings me over to a floor length mirror on the wall. "Picture an eighteen year old girl, hell picture Katniss looking at YOU. Without knowing anything about your very likable personality, look at you physically. You're like a Geek god man! Look, you've got abs all over the place, your arms and thighs are all muscle, you've got blonde hair and blue eyes. You're a handsome lad, in a non homosexual way dude, and when you toss all that in with your voice and your personality, you're one hell of a catch. Whats not to like? Plus, you're married to her. She hasn't even asked me about divorce papers. She just wants to feel safe and wants you to be able to control your urges or rather, episodes. You work on that and getting your bakery up and running, she'll work on her psychological issues and you will meet in the middle. Trust me Peeta. A little absence always makes the heart grow fonder."_

_I nod. "I hope you're right Haymitch because if I lose her, I'm going to have to finally kill you." _

"_You'll see Peeta. Everything is going to work out just fine in the end." he says. _


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday. Worked a 14 hour day and then nearly smashed my Kindle Fire trying to watch the live stream of the movie premier. Stupid thing wouldn't work. I was so pissed. Another 14 hour day today and yet another tomorrow. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 36**

That night, Peeta sleeps in my bedroom with me. We're both sad at the thought of my going to District Four but I think we need to take a breather. The truth is, Peeta and I got together under some very strenuous circumstances. It's not like we just saw each other at school and started flirting with each other. We weren't Chemistry partners or did any big History projects together. Up until Peeta tossed me the bread that night, I hadn't even paid much attention to him. I had no way of knowing he liked me. He never even uttered any kind of greeting to me.

Fate just really intervened the day of the Reaping. The fact that he was in love with me just escalated our angle in the games. I had no way of knowing anything was truly real until the cave. At that point, I was still trying to get out of the Games alive and from that point, get Peeta out with me somehow. With everything that happened in the Quell, it just magnified the situation. We were married, intimate, in love by then. Then he was hijacked and the Rebellion took over. Always an issue needing attention and keeping us apart.

Now that we've made it this far, it's really just my insecurities in the way. I won't lie about it. That's what it is. I am in a constant state of fear about everything in my life, the sole focus really being Peeta. I am terrified of constantly putting myself out there and getting hurt. I haven't witnessed him coping with an episode, just being full fledged into one. I think he could have used more therapy with Dr. Aurelis. Peeta was in such a hurry to return to me that he probably skipped a couple of steps and made some promises to get here. I on the other hand, never put what I should have into my own personal therapy with Dr. Aurelis. If I had, I would also be in a better place.

Which is why I have to make an adult decision now and just deal with this. Away from Peeta. We need to get our shit together so we can get on with our lives, once and for all. I need to figure out who I really am and what I want to be, what I want to do. It's time to grow up. I can't hide in this house forever and pretend like it's okay. What would I even do with myself when Peeta's bakery opens? That's a very good question. I need to grow as a person. A healthy, confident woman. Not a coward.

I stay up all night just watching him. He stays up too. We don't talk. We just lay facing each other under the blanket, holding hands. Rubbing our fingers together. Not a single word spoken verbally all night.

_Peeta POV_

_Putting Katniss on that train was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do. I had to keep constantly reassuring myself that I wasn't losing her. That she was going off to get help. Help that she desperately needed to get on with her life emotionally and psychologically. I also had to remind myself, repeatedly, that this was the time for me to get some more sessions in with Dr. Aurelis when I could and try to work through my episodes in a different fashion. Being so verbal during them was really turning my life upside down. Even though Katniss knew I wasn't in control, the words still cut her like a knife. I also needed to get my bakery up and running as well. I had plenty of positive things to focus on. Things that would only improve our quality of life. _

_When it was time for her to finally board the train, she grabbed onto me and I swear I almost didn't let her go. I pulled her face to mine, holding it with both hands. My thumbs rubbing across her tear streaked cheeks. When the conductor called for the last time, she pulled her lips from mine and I almost grabbed her and threw her over my shoulder. I would have carried her back to the house kicking and screaming if need be. But deep down, I know she's right. A person cannot be in a relationship unless they can give it their all. There's parts of both of us missing. We've got to piece some of that puzzle together before we can give ourselves over completely to our relationship. _

_I walk her to the entrance of the train and kiss her again. She steps up onto the landing and I feel my breath catch. This is it. I can't delay it anymore. The train whistles and we look at each other again. She leans in and kisses me again. She has her hands on my face now. Her finger rubbing against my two day stubble. The conductor looks at me and nods. It's finally time. I hold her hand and step off the train. It starts to move and our hands unlock. Her eyes don't leave mine. I run my hands through my hair. I feel like pulling it out. I can't believe she's on that train and I'm just letting it pull away from me. _

_This whole thing is so fucked up. _

_The train begins to grind and I'm in panic now. There's no way I could chase it or stop it. I walk along the side looking for her. It starts to move now and I catch a glimpse of Katniss with her hand on the window. She starts running towards the rear of the train. I'm frozen to the spot. The speed picks up and in a moment, she's at the back door, her right hand placed on the window, begging for mine. I hold out my left hand, as if meeting hers there. The distance between us getting bigger and bigger by the second. _

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - –_

_It's been nearly six months since Katniss left. I haven't seen her. Not even a picture. We talk every other night on the phone. Playing games of real or not real, catching up on what the other has done in between. We don't talk about our therapy much. We agreed in the beginning that we would finally let the doctors decide when we were well enough to be together. Dr. Aurelis and Dr. Collins, Katniss' new doctor, communicate after every session to discuss us and our progress/setbacks. Katniss and I came to an agreement early on that we would abide by whatever they said, for both our sakes. _

_Still, I'm incredibly lonely without her and so is Haymitch. The bakery has been open for quite some time now and Haymitch even helps me out there a couple of days a week. He rings the register and fills orders for me. Came up with an excellent rum bread recipe too. It's turning into a big seller too. District Twelve is being reborn. People are returning, rebuilding and staying. It's given Haymitch and I something to do, helping out with rebuilding. The Justice Building just reopened and Delly Cartwright returned to Twelve to take the helm. Thom was elected Mayor. I think he has a thing for Delly anyway. I guess it works out, both of them being in the same building together. _

_Delly had asked me for several of my paintings to hang in the newly constructed buildings. I gave her several of the non-terrifying ones and even painted a few others representing District Twelve. One of my favorites is of two hands, holding night lock berries in their palms, dandelions below them on the ground. It represents the spark we gave the Rebellion, the hope that we had for each other, the hope that we have that Twelve can continue to rebuild and fulfill its dreams of a better life. _

_One night I can't sleep at all. She's all I can think about. I toss and turn to no avail. It's two o'clock in the morning but I need to speak to her. To make sure she's safe. To hear her voice and have it sooth me like nothing else can. I finally give into my emotions and roll over to grab the receiver. The phone rings when my hand is mid stride. I pick it up, startled and say "Katniss?" She swallows her tears. _

"_Yes Peeta. I'm so sorry if I woke you. I couldn't sleep. I just kept thinking about you. I really miss you." she says. _

_I breath easier now. "I miss you too. I was just rolling over to call you. Great minds think alike."_

_She sighs and agrees with me. "What do we do now? I don't have much to say. I just wanted to hear your voice, hear you breathe." _

_I laugh. "Me too. How about we just try to sleep with each other on the phone? I know it sounds stupid but it's as close to you as I can get right now."_

"_Sounds wonderful Peeta. Good night." she says. "Night, Katniss." I say._

_Morning comes and I realize we are still on the phone with each other. I wake her up to say goodbye because I have to get to the bakery. I have a lot of orders to fill. No getting out early for me today. I tell Katniss how much I miss her before hanging up. I rush out of bed, throw my clothes on and trek to the bakery. It's going to be a long day. _


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: This story is almost over! I have about 100 people following this fanfic so I'm asking that everyone at least review the last chapter and let me know what you thought of it in general. The majority of the feedback has been positive, but I will accept all reviews. This was my first fanfic and I know that I'm not descriptive enough but I am trying. **

****Special shot out to Haley (lovelyladybug) for the great idea!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games**

**Chapter 37**

Katniss POV

Today I'm taking it easy and hanging out with Annie. I have an appointment with Dr. Collins early this morning and then I'm heading over to Annie's house to spend the day on the beach with her and Finn. It's been difficult being away from Peeta for so long but it was a necessary step in the right direction for us. Last night we fell asleep on the phone together. He had to go in a hurry this morning but I know that if he could have, he would have stayed on the phone all day listening to me breathe. He really is a gem.

I drag myself out of bed, get dressed in Capri pants and a t-shirt and head down to breakfast. Mother is already at the hospital but Don is still there. I have to say, it's been amazing getting to know Don. I hadn't had in depth conversation with him prior to my visiting District Four and he really is a wonderful man. I know that my Mother absolutely loved and adored my father, but I am extremely happy for her that she was able to find love for a second time in her life. I'm happy for both of them actually. I'm sure it was miserable for Don being married to his wife, even though she gave him three strong, handsome sons. I know he appreciated her for that but we all need a little happiness in our lives.

I sit down at the table after pouring myself a cup of coffee, light and sweet, just like Peeta always says. I can't even make a simple cup of coffee and not think of him. Doesn't matter anyway because now I'm sitting across from his father and Peeta's azure blue eyes are staring back at me. That boy is always in my thoughts. I clear my throat and smile at Don. "Morning Don. How's it going so far?" He smiles back at me. "Great so far Katniss. Just having a cup of coffee before heading to the bakery. You have your doctor appointment this morning, right?" I nod my head. "Yes, soon. Then I'm gonna hang out with Annie and Finn all day at her house. You can reach me there if you need to." I give him a quick peck on his cheek and dash out the door to my appointment.

Dr. Collins has been amazing for me. He's middle aged, married, two adult children, about to be a grandfather for the first time. His perspective on all that I've told him, and what he's heard from Dr. Aurelis about Peeta, has been quite insightful. Our two doctors have worked closely behind the scenes, really picking us apart and getting to the root of all of our insecurities about each other: fear. We are always in fear of something and can't get beyond it. Today feels like a good day. I can just feel it in my bones. I sit down on Dr. Collins' couch and he comes in and smiles at me. He sits down and begins the session.

"Guess what today is Katniss?" he asks. I have no idea so I laugh and say "Wednesday?" with an impish grin. He grins back and lays one on me that I think I suspected deep down. "Today is the day that you are, for all intents and purposes, free to go home. To District Twelve that is." I look at him with wide eyes. My heart leaps in my chest. "Are you serious? It's today?" I ask for confirmation. He nods again. "Yes. Dr. Aurelis is confident that Peeta can now remove himself from your presence if he feels an episode coming on and deal with it in a non-violent or verbal manner. Peeta has to remove himself to the basement if he begins to lose control and you have to lock yourself in the bedroom, just as a precaution. There has been no indication so far that it's necessary to do that but we do recommend it. As of today, you are both free to co-habitate, if you so choose. Since Peeta does not have an appointment today, he has not been made aware of the release. We are leaving it up to you to choose to return to District Twelve or remain here. Although I'm certain your return is imminent based on our sessions." He smiles at me again. He knows how I feel about Peeta.

I can't contain my joy anymore. I leap out of my seat and give him a big hug and kiss on his cheek. He turns bright red and gives me a hug back. "Go on, get out of here. I'm sure you've got packing to do." he says. I let go of him and practically skip to Annie's house. When she opens up the door to greet me, I start talking a mile a minute. "Annie! Dr. Collins is releasing me to go home! I finally get to see Peeta! Things are gonna work out this time Annie. I can feel it. I'm so excited!" I gush. Annie throws her arms around me and we hop around in a circle. Finn is just looking at us like we're crazy and he missed the party. I scoop him up and walk out onto the back deck. Today is my last day in District Four.

We spend the day sprawled out on the beach. When Finn finally falls asleep, we start to have our daily dose of girl talk. Annie and I have really became best friends since I've been here. Johanna has visited us a few times too. It's hard to have real friends when a) you're a famous Victor and b) you never had a lot of friends anyway. I've really treasured all of my time with each of them. Annie breaks our little bout of silence and doesn't beat around the bush.

"So, you gonna go back tomorrow and start over with Peeta?" she asks. I look up at her and nod my head. "Sure am. I'm going to call Plutarch when I get back to the house. I can't wait to see him. He's always on my mind." Annie smiles at me. "I know the feeling Katniss. I miss Finnick when he isn't here too. Which unfortunately is quite often because of the Military. But I know that it will settle down as order is re-established. I couldn't imagine being away from him for six months though. You've both got such strength to go to these lengths to be healthy for the other. It says a lot about your feelings for each other. This certainly wasn't the easy way out. I commend you both."

I look over at Finn and smile at him. If I was still pregnant now, I would be about seven months along. Annie follows my gaze and reads my mind. She's so intuitive. "Have you and Peeta talked about the baby in detail yet?" she asks. This subject has come up before with us but it's something that Peeta and I have only danced around. More or less apologizing to each other over and over. I shrug and respond.

"Um, a little. Peeta feels responsible. I mean, he had the fit and then I fell. I mean, that was the night of conception. Whose to say something wasn't wrong right from the start? I fell, I was in a coma, I wasn't eating right or taking vitamins. There are a number of reasons why my body rejected the baby. I always thought that I didn't want children because of the reapings, but in hindsight, I'm sad about it. Knowing that we made an actual baby together, was pretty powerful for me. Hearing that I miscarried, in the same breath, was also devastating. But I don't blame him and he doesn't blame me. I guess we'll just have to see what the future brings as far as children go. I've been examined and I'm physically fine, so I guess we just have to wait and see what happens."

Annie leans over and gives me a hug. "You know you're one tough chick Katniss. If you can handle all that you have, motherhood should be a cinch. And something tells me that Peeta would be an amazing father. I can just picture your fat little children jumping in the water when they visit us! Peeta would certainly feed them all the sweets he could bake!" she rolls over with laughter. I laugh with her. "Well, it sure beats starving Annie. I'll take the fat little children any day." I beam a the thought of even having children with Peeta someday. Instead of being a one time nightmare, it is now my new dream.

The afternoon starts to whined down and I need to get home and start packing. I have to call Plutarch for permission to return to District Twelve and it'll also be time to eventually talk to Peeta. I head home and tell my Mother all of the great news. Shes really proud of me and happy for me. Don had told her that I was returning to Peeta and she pulled me into the bedroom claiming she had a gift for me.

When she closes the door behind her, her voice grows serious, motherly. "Katniss, I know you love Peeta and I know you have both gone through a lot. I wanted to get you something special for your departure but honestly, I just didn't have the time to do so. Then it dawned on me what I could actually 'do' for you that would relieve any possible stress for you once you get back home." I look at her with a confused expression on my face while she takes out a syringe. Then she pulls the cap off with her mouth and taps it to remove air. She smiles at me and tells me to pull one side of my pants down. She jabs the needle in my butt and laughs at me. "Delivered, one free year of birth control. After that, it's up to you. I trust you would both have grown back together by then and would make a joint decision to have children."

I'm shocked and I hug her in appreciation. I'm not ready to have a baby yet and this preventative, makes my life so much easier. I'm free to be with Peeta and not worry for at least a while. And she's right, the decision to have children should be made by the two of us. I hug her tight and she says into my ear. "Just for the record, I'm placing an order for a minimum of two grandchildren when you're ready. Just putting it out there." She laughs and kisses my cheeks on both side. I love my Mother.

I head over to the phone and dial Plutarch in the Capitol. His secretary puts me through to him and I can practically hear him beam on the other end. "Well hello Katniss! To what do I owe this honor?" he asks me. I answer him back. "Hello Plutarch.. I'm calling because I need permission to transfer back to District Twelve. Tomorrow if possible. I've been released from Dr. Collins' care and I'm anxious to return to Peeta." Plutarch gets all excited on the other end. "That's wonderful Katniss! I am so happy for you! The only problem is that we've gotten some of our 'processes' back in order after the Rebellion and now you have to actually apply to return. It could take up to a week for the paperwork to be approved. Is that okay?"

I get antsy. "I really want to return tomorrow Plutarch. It's been six months. I'm sure you understand."

He sighs. "I certainly do Katniss but my hands are tied. Unless..." I prepare for the blow.

"Unless what?" I ask him. He chuckles. "Unless I call in a favor, but you would have to do one for me in return. We all know how you hate owing somebody anything anyway. It would only be fair, right?"

I shudder to think what he would want. "What can I do for you Plutarch? On the condition that you get me back home tomorrow, of course." I inquire. Plutarch says the one word I absolutely despise: "Interview."

I suck in my breath. I can either do an interview for him or I can stay here for another week. Somehow, that seems impossible now that I know I can get back to Peeta. The decision is an easy one. "Agreed. Pick me up in the morning." I respond and hang up. I swear Plutarch must be doing the happy dance now on the other end. The Mockingjay is finally coming out of hiding.

I go through the motions, packing for my leave. When it's time for bed, I notice that the phone hasn't rung. Peeta must still be at the bakery prepping for tomorrow. It's very seldom that he doesn't call. I'm downstairs giving Mother and Don a kiss goodnight when the phone rings. I rush up the stairs, tripping all the way up and slam onto my bed to reach the phone on the dresser beside my bed. I'm out of breath when I answer it.

"Katniss are you okay?" Peeta asks, all concerned. "Yeah, I was just trying to get the phone in my room. Sorry. I had to run from downstairs." I reply. He laughs."Jeez, you almost gave me a heart attack. I thought something was wrong." "Nah, nothing's wrong here. How was your day?"

"Ah, it was insane. Very busy, but busy is good. Takes my mind off of missing you. Not that it really helps anyway! How was your day?" he asks. "Good. I spent it with Annie and Finn. Finnick is still in District Two with Gale and your brothers. We hung out on the beach all day."

I can practically hear Peeta smile when he says the next sentence. "Did you wear a bikini?" He is such a pig. Not that I totally blame him but he's still got a dirty mind. I can one up him. "It's a private beach Peeta, they're Victors. We went nude. It's not like Finn knows the difference." I can't believe I said it with a straight voice. I have to hold my hand over my mouth to stifle my laugh. He sucks in his breath. That equals instant hard on. I can't help but let my laugh escape now. Peeta laughs too. He knows that I know him too well. "What? What's so funny?" he asks. "Nothing Peeta. I just know the effect I have on you." I giggle. Peeta sighs. "Well it only took you fourteen years to finally get it. Ugh, I'm gonna have to go take care of this now. Wish you were here. I miss you." "I miss you too Peeta." I respond. We say our goodbyes and then hang up. The next time I speak to him will be in person.

I decide right then that I'm going to surprise him.


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: This is IT! This is the original idea that spawned this whole entire fanfic. Might be another chapter or Epilogue after this chapter but this is the finale that we're all looking for. Enjoy. Review and let me know what you think of it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.**

**Chapter 38**

The hovercraft picks me up bright and early and whisks me away to the Capitol after I say goodbye to Mother and Don. When I arrive, Effie is waiting for me. She springs into action and gives me a kiss on each cheek. "Hello Katniss! This is a big big day for you! We need to get you to your prep team to get ready for the interview. Once they're done, they'll let me know and Caesar will be awaiting you. After that, Plutarch has given specific instructions to transport you to District Twelve. Sound good?" I smile at her. "It sounds great Effie. Can't wait!"

I follow her into the dressing room and my team awaits me. They instantly go to work bringing me back to beauty base zero. I swear there's not a stitch of hair left on my body other than my head. They dress me in simple black skirt and a red button down blouse, leaving enough unbuttoned to look alluring. Octavia applies very little make-up, which shocks me, but she says I look beautiful just the way I am. Just as I'm finished, Effie comes in to retrieve me and leads me to the stage for the interview.

When I step onto the stage, it's like deja vu. Images of the Games come flooding back to me. I bury some of them deep down and greet Caesar. The camera isn't on yet and he gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He always was a strange bird and I'm curious to know just how old he really is. I swear he looked the same when I was a child. Caesar explains that they're going to air the interview live and then replay it around dinner time for anyone that is missing it now. I don't give much thought to it and just shrug my shoulders. The countdown begins, once again, to interview time and I see the little red light on the camera come to life. There is no live audience, just audio to replace them since this was done spur of the moment. They'll play the audience audio as we go along.

**Haymitch POV**

After tending to my geese, I head over to Katniss's house to help around the place and keep Sae company. Peeta hardly ever stays at his house anymore. Only to paint. He prefers to be here where he can still feel Katniss' presence. Sae is cutting up some butcher meat and prepping a stew. I have the television on when a special announcement comes over the show I was watching. I mutter a few choice words when that weirdo Caesar Flickerman appears onscreen talking about a special treat. My eyes nearly pop out of their sockets when I see Katniss in the interview chair. Sae drops the spoon in her hand and walks over to me. We are absolutely riveted to the screen during the entire interview. Hanging onto every single word.

_**INTERVIEW: Katniss POV**_

_C:Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, Citizens of Panem! Welcome to a very special edition of Caesar's Corner this afternoon with Panem's very own heroine, Katniss Everdeen-Mellark! Katniss, it's wonderful to finally see you again. You look gorgeous sweetheart! Doesn't she look great? So, Katniss, how have you been? We haven't seen or heard from you in a while?_

_K: I have been well Caesar. I just spent a bit of time in District Four. It's beautiful there. _

_C: What were you doing in District Four Katniss?_

_K: Well, my mother lives there and I went there to relax for a bit. _

_C: Relax? Took a little vacation? Capitol approved of course, right?_

_K: Of course. I was there a bit longer than a vacation. _

_C: Help me out Katniss, how long is longer? A month?_

_K: Six months._

_C: Six months! Whoa, where was handsome Peeta while you were in District 4 for six months?_

_K: He was home in District 12. _

_C: I see. Having problems I see. I'm sorry to hear that. _

_K: Yes, we were, but not like you think. Since the Quell, Peeta hasn't been the same. He was hijacked by the Capitol. His memories of me were altered and he was reprogrammed to kill me. _

_C: What? Oh my goodness, Katniss I am so sorry. That young man was so enamored with you. _

_K: And I with him, It was difficult to say the least. He seemed to get better but once he was doing well, I wasn't. We both had unresolved issues to deal with stemming from the Games and loss of loved ones. _

_C: Yes, Primrose. Sweet girl. You know, I've never seen anything more moving than when you volunteered for her. It was quite a show of sisterly love. It was very commendable of you. _

_K: It was the right thing to do. And if I hadn't, I wouldn't have gotten to know Peeta at all. Everything seems to happen for a reason. _

_C: True, very true. Look at you blushing over Peeta Mellark. Have you spoken to him?_

_K: Oh yes Caesar. I've spoken to him every single day almost. We just took the time to get some treatment and try to be healthier for each other. Our demons all seem to revolve around one central fear and we tried to deal with it head on._

_C: And what fear is that Katniss?_

_K: I think it's just basically fear of losing each other. We just want to be together. Take care of each other. _

_C: You know Katniss, I remember a time when you had no idea that he felt that way about you. So much has changed in such a short period of time, huh?_

_K: It certainly has Caesar. After I heard Peeta announce his love on this very stage, I pushed him into a vase and he cut his hand open. I thought that he was lying for the Games, for Sponsors. It took me a while to realize his words were true, as always, and that my feelings weren't too far off base either. _

_C: I know we all watched the Games and everything play out but when did you truly realize that you were n love with Peeta?_

_K: I knew that I had feelings for him by the time the gong sounded. I was shocked he went with the Careers. But by the time we got to the cave, I was in love with him. I was petrified that I would lose him to the knife wound. _

_C: Now that we have you here, could you maybe tell us some more details about your love story with Peeta? Just fill in a few blanks for us. We really don't know what was going on outside of what the cameras caught. If you don't mind that is._

_K: For the first time Caesar, I don't mind. Talking about Peeta is not something I ever tire of. _

I summarize all of the thoughts laid out throughout this journal in ten minutes time. Once I get going, I'm pretty much rambling into all kinds of thoughts. I tell Caesar about the night Peeta gave me the bread, the cave, how I felt falling in love with Peeta. How we made it home, and eventually married. How we all decided who would go into the Quell and why. His hijacking and return to District 13. How he nearly killed me a couple of times but his love for me overcame it. How I tended to go into huge bouts of depression and what would set them off. Then Caesar picks up again.

_C: So Katniss, what made you go to District 4 instead of staying in District 12? Did something happen?_

_K:Yes, Caesar, something did happen. Peeta and I hit the bottom of the barrel. _

_C: Tell me what happened honey. (Caesar holds my hand.)_

_K: Well, I had a miscarriage. _

_C: Oh Katniss I am so sorry! You poor thing! Did something happen?_

_K: There was an incident between Peeta and I that triggered a bout of depression. We didn't know I was pregnant and eventually, I just miscarried. It was then that we agreed to take some time, get some medical help and then try to work on things. _

_C: I had heard a rumor that you two were divorcing. False?_

_K:I did ask Haymitch to draw up the divorce papers, and he did. But he burned them just the same. He said time was our friend and it would heal us both if we were patient enough. _

_C: Haymitch sounds like a wise man nowadays. _

_K: Haymitch is great. He's like our surrogate father. _

_C: So now that you've spilled some private moments onto this stage Katniss, what's your plan now?_

_K: I'm heading home to District 12. I've been released from my doctor to return home. _

_C: I'm sure Peeta is very excited to see you. _

_K: Peeta doesn't know I'm coming._

_C: He doesn't? _

_K: No, I wanted to surprise him. _

_C: When are you leaving? _

_K: Oh, about ten minutes from now?_

_C: Really? You're leaving right from this chair?_

_K: Yes, I can't wait any longer. _

_C: You really love Peeta, don't you Katniss?_

_K: Yes, Caesar. With all of my heart. _

_C: You going to stay married to that boy? Give him a couple of children someday?_

_K: Yes and Yes. I'm never going to let him go again. _

_C: I can't believe it. Look at you, Girl on Fire. All aglow with love. I'm happy for you. You make sure you give Peeta my best. I think I speak for all of Panem when I say, good luck to you both. _

_K: Thank you Caesar. Thank you. _

I get up and hug him. I can't bring myself to kiss those wax cheeks, even though he was so sweet during the interview. As soon as the camera goes dim, Effie is at my side ushering me to the hovercraft. The door closes and I'm on my way back to Peeta, my boy with the bread.

Haymitch POV

Sae and I look at each other and we jump off of the couch. What time is it? Two o'clock in the afternoon. Peeta didn't hear the interview. He's bogged down with orders at the bakery. They're replaying it again in a few hours, right when Katniss is due home. Okay, we can do this. I grab Sae by the shoulders. "If you clean this house top to bottom and get a lamb stew going, I will triple what Peeta pays your for the month. Can you do that woman?" She nods her head vigorously. "Yes Haymitch. But you've got to go to the butcher for the lamb meat. I have everything else here. Hurry or it won't be done by the time she gets home!" Sae yells.

I run out the door and start for the bakery. I hope nobody says anything to Peeta. I get there and discover that he's still out of the loop. Most of District Twelve still hasn't seen the interview yet, what with it being mid afternoon. I need to get the lamb meat. I walk over to the butcher, buy two orders and offer a kid a few coins and the second serving if he brings it to Sae in the Victors Village. He takes off running. My job is to park my ass inside this bakery and tell everyone to be quiet about Katniss.

Two things are going to happen if he finds out she's coming home.

He's going to drive me crazy until she gets here.

I'll probably kill him in the process of him driving me crazy.

Although his treatment has gone very well, he has missed her terribly. He lights up when he says her name. She's all he talks about. He paints and draws her constantly, afraid that he will somehow forget the littlest details about her. He only has his mind to rely on and it hasn't exactly been stable for too long. Peeta has gotten his episodes down to maybe once a month. He goes into the basement, beats on a boxing bag and stays there until it passes. He's confident that he can handle it all now and not jeopardize Katniss's safety.

Peeta comes out of the back room and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I look at him just the same.

"What?" I ask him. "What are you doing here Haymitch?" he asks. "I'm taking in the crisp autumn air boy! Why don't you run along inside and get me a nice hot beverage? No need to be rude to your paying customers here." I say. He rolls his eyes at me and then returns a few minutes later with a cup of coffee. I sit there watching him. I have nothing to do anyway but make sure everyone keeps their mouths shut so I guess all the staring at him makes him nervous after a while. He starts to pick my brain.

"What's on your mind Haymitch? You keep staring at me like I have two heads." he says. I smirk. "Well you do, but that's beside the point. Just hanging out, keeping warm on a cool afternoon. Sae needs some bread by the way to put out at dinner." Peeta nods. "Do you know what kind she wants? What did she make for dinner?" I shrug my shoulders. "No idea boy but I think I want the one with the raisins and nuts in it? Can you make me one of those? Oh, and I think she's got a stew going. Cheese buns will probably go best with it."

Peeta looks at me like I'm being very demanding so late in the day. I purposely chose the bread with nuts and raisins for two reasons.

Katniss loves that kind of bread. Outside of cheese buns, it's her favorite.

That's the kind of bread Peeta gave Katniss the night he saved her at age eleven.

This ought to burn up some of his time until I can get him home to see the interview. It starts in two hours. If I can stall him until then, he'll see the interview and then she will literally be getting off of the hovercraft when it's over. By train, the Capitol is around a twelve hour trip. The hovercraft shortens it

to a third. Perfect, absolutely perfect.

The time passes and Peeta has all the breads made. Only thirty minutes until the interview. I help him clean up and then hurry him home to see the show. I stall him on the dinner, waiting for Katniss, and put him in front of the television. He starts to protest. "Haymitch, I have to call Katniss. I can watch television later." He tries to get up but I shove him back down. Then the Capitol seal shows on the screen and Caesar talks about how he has a special guest. Peeta's eyes turn toward the screen and his mouth falls when he see it's Katniss on the screen. His Katniss, in the Capitol.

The interview plays out and he's riveted. I don't think he even blinks his eyelids. He's taking her all in. She looks great, healthy. She's serious in her interview but giddy when speaking about Peeta. The boy is mesmerized. It's almost at the end of the interview and Sae walks over to me, both of us with baited breath waiting for the big reveal. Peeta starts to fidget on the couch. Here it is, the moment we've all been waiting for. I hear a repeat of the words.

Peeta springs from the couch and looks at me. Sae has already grabbed her coat and gives him a kiss on the cheek. She leaves quickly. I smile at him. Unable to hide my happiness for him. I walk over to him and give him a big hug. "She should be here in a few minutes. You probably have just enough time to brush your teeth." I laugh and then hear the hovercraft. Time to make my exit. He runs over to the door and it swings open from the wind of the vessel. I slip out and make my way to my porch. The hovercraft stills and lowers Katniss down to the ground. Her feet don't even touch it before they're both running to each other. These two are like my kids. I can't witness them getting busy, for the third time, so I shut the door and try to shake the images from my mind.

Katniss POV

I'm barely to the ground before we're running into each others arms. Peeta's lips crash down onto mine and I swear, I could die right here. It feels like heaven. I missed him so much. I'm in his arms, my legs wrapped around him, holding him tight. It's not exactly a ladylike position but I was never much of a lady anyway. Peeta walks toward the house, never breaking our kiss. We almost fall on the stairs. Thank god we only have Haymitch as a neighbor and not a whole bunch of other people. They would be sickened by our display of affection. We make it through the door and plunge right onto the couch. I break the kiss first. I need to say something, and catch my breath.

"Peeta, I love you. I don't ever want to be without you again. You hear me? It was always you. You're it for me. Forever and ever." He crashes his lips back onto mine and parts my lips with his tongue. He feels amazing. Everything feels so new. He breaks the kiss this time. "Katniss, I love you. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. You're my whole world. Marry me? Marry me again. Tonight." He brings his lips again to mine and won't let me break the kiss to answer him. When he does release me, I say the most honest word that has ever emerged from my lips. "Yes, Peeta. Yes, I will marry you. Yes, I will have children with you. Yes to all of it." Peeta places me down in front of the fireplace and runs into the kitchen to grab the bread , a bottle of wine on the counter and two wine glasses.

I spread a blanket onto the floor and sit back down. Peeta joins me. Once again we take off our shoes and sit across from each other. Peeta goes first.

"Katniss, I love you. I promise to always be beside you. Take care of you, treasure you, protect you,

make you laugh, paint you, bake for you and make love to you _twice _a day for the rest of my life. I love you more than anything in the world and I will never, ever, let you go again." He toasts his bread and takes a bite. My turn. "Peeta, I promise to love you forever. You make me feel alive every moment and I love you more than life itself. I promise to always be there for you, take care of you, sing to you, have your children grow in my belly. I want it all with you. You're my world Peeta and I absolutely adore you. I also promise to make love to you _three _times a day and I promise never to leave your side

again. I love you Peeta. Since that day with the bread, you have always had my heart."

I gently toast my slice of bread and take a bite. We lift our glasses, entwine our arms and take a sip out of the glasses. We put down our glasses and share our second most passionate kiss ever in front of the fire.

We never make it to the bed...


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for the wonderful reviews. When I realized that the reviews for this story went over 100, I decided to do one more chapter and then a nice epilogue as a thank you for all the support. I'm already thinking about some other stories to tell, so please mark me as an author alert so you're sure to get the updates. Again, thank you very much and as always-Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. **

**Chapter 39**

My eyelids flutter open and start to focus. It takes me a minute to realize where I am, who is so close and facing me. Peeta. Last night wasn't a dream. I was finally home with Peeta. Things were going to be fine between us, better than fine. Amazing. Never mind surviving the Hunger Games, we managed to survive ourselves and all of our demons.

His handsome face can't be more than four inches away from me. His hands are resting on my waist. Our legs are intertwined and our feet are on top of each other. Peeta is here with me. I can't help but touch his face. I run my fingertip down his cheek to his jawline. He looks real. He feels real. I just can't believe this day finally happened.

Just being so close to him, stirs feelings in my gut. I only get these feelings when I'm with him. If it weren't for what he evokes out of me, I swear I would be numb half the time. He makes all of my senses come alive. I always feel so beautiful and sexy when he smiles at me. He's got those bedroom eyes of his. Yes, he can see right through my soul. When he gives me one of his looks, I can just tell he's thinking something sexy underneath them. Makes me blush every time.

I lean in a little closer and inhale. He smells like cinnamon and his aftershave. His hair smells like strawberries. Is he using my shampoo again? I chuckle to myself but it's loud enough anyway and Peeta opens an eye. Once he does, four inches is too far away and his lips find mine immediately. He pulls my waist to him and wraps his arms around me. Peeta reluctantly breaks the kiss and smiles at me. He gives me a peck again and says "I want to freeze this moment right now and live in it forever." I sigh and begin kissing his jawline and tracing to his mouth. "Okay" I agree. He raises a surprised eyebrow. "You'll allow it?" he asks. "I'll allow anything as long as I get to be with you" I answer back.

Peeta brings his lips to mine and kisses me softly. Slowly the sexual tension builds and we find ourselves unable to control our needs anymore. When Peeta enters me, we both gasp with pleasure. Rediscovering each other, I'm certain, will be our new favorite time killer. Peeta and I don't waste time this morning. We quickly build to climax and when we both come with each other, the unexpected happens. The door opens and Haymitch walks in.

Peeta brings his head down to my shoulder and laughs. Haymitch bellows. "What the fuck you two? It's noon already! I thought for sure you'd be all done with each other and getting ready to have lunch. You two are like damn rabbits. I'm already down forty years now. Forty years! It's like watching you screw my daughter Peeta. The image stays with a man. I hope I'm alive to see you find your own daughter with a boy. I'll bet it'll shave twenty off of you! Sick I tell ya. I'm gonna be sick." Haymitch turns and closes the front door behind him. Peeta and I just look at each other and laugh.

We laugh so hard. That poor man has caught us so many times now! We are so giddy laughing about it. Finally, I break the silence. "You know he's right Peeta." I say. "About what Katniss?" he asks. "About us maybe having a daughter someday. I could see you killing our daughter's boyfriend if you found them in a similar_ position." _I laugh. Peeta's eyes grow lustful and his voice gets seductive. "Yes, I would probably kill our daughter's boyfriend if I found them in bed together. I'm not going to disagree with that. No guy is going to come in here and screw around with my daughter. I've already lost enough time. We're not shaving any additional years off of my life, witnessing that. No way."

I smile at him and give him a kiss. "What if he fell in love with her when he was five? Just like you did with me?" I ask him. Peeta kisses me back. "Sucks to be him. Lightning isn't striking twice. If some boy wanted our daughter even half as bad as I want you, we'd be up shits creek without a paddle." He goes on. "I know Haymitch just caught us, yet again, but what's all this talk about babies?" I bring his face closer to mine. "My mother gave me a shot, so it's gonna be a while, but I've been thinking about us having children eventually. I know that I've never really been on board with the idea but I've kinda had a change of heart." Peeta takes in a deep breath.

"You have?" he asks. I nod my head at him. "Not anytime soon, right?" I shake my head in agreement. Peeta asks another question. "So, I say practice makes perfect. Take one day at a time, see what happens. You did promise three times a day you know? I intend to hold you to that promise." I pull him down to me and lay a passionate kiss on him. After a few moments, he speaks again in his super sexy voice.

"Three times a day Katniss. A man could get used to that. So, do you think the odds are finally in my favor?" Peeta asks.

I nod before reaching for him again. "Yes."


	40. Epilogue

**A/N: This Epilogue is dedicated to Haley, Jen and Romina. Thank you so much for your constant support! Sequel is here. It's called "Ready". Enjoy! -Jen**

**Epilogue**

_Eighteen months later..._

Things between Peeta and I have been wonderful. We really grew back together and made a quiet life for ourselves here in District Twelve. Peeta seldom has an episode and when he feels one coming on, he heads down to the basement and just boxes to work out the anger. Sometimes we even horse around and I'll go throw a few punches on the bag too. Of course, it hardly moves and then Peeta makes fun of me. A couple of times I was tempted to toss a knife at him but I kept it clean.

In the beginning I helped out a lot at the bakery, ringing orders and answering phone calls. Phone service is getting popular and affordable in District Twelve these days. It used to be only a special privilege for Victors but now we can contact each other on a whim. The bakery has done well under Peeta's direction. Half the time he's giving away cupcakes and cookies to all the kids. He just can't bear to see any child go without, considering what we went through ourselves.

Peeta tried to teach me to bake but it was useless. I made more of a mess and wasted more product than any employee he hired. I can measure and do prep work but it's almost easier just letting Peeta do it. He can measure by eye. It's the end of the day that's always my favorite part. We tend to screw around in the back while we're cleaning up. A couple of times we forgot to lock the front door and it was almost an issue. Thank god there's a bell on the door. Haymitch almost caught us again. I swear the man has impeccable timing.

One time we heard the door and Peeta went running out in just his pants and was partially covered in chocolate. When he saw Haymitch he got all flustered and lashed out. "Really? You have got to be kidding me!" Haymitch got all pissed off as well. "Really Peeta? You couldn't wait ten minutes till you got home? Gotta screw Katniss in the fucking bakery? Disgusting. Do I even want a loaf of bread now? Might have a little something special in it. I think I'm gonna be sick." Peeta shoved a loaf of bread at him and kicked him out of the bakery. That was a funny time. Poor Haymitch. Horrible timing.

It took me a while to figure out what I was going to do with all of my time. I kept up hunting and would trade with Sae and other residents in the Hob. No point in wasting fresh game when we could all gain something from one another. It also ate up my time too. Then one day I was gathering berries and plants in the forest when I remembered my family plant book on the shelf at home. I hadn't taken it out in quite some time. When I got home I made a cup of tea and started sifting through it while waiting for Peeta to return home. Home was now in my house. He moved in the day after our toasting. We mostly use the other house as a guest house for when my Mother and Don visit or any of our friends. Peeta also goes over there to paint when he's in the mood.

As I get midway in the book, I get a wild idea. We have a small hospital taking shape in District Twelve but for many people, they're still old fashioned and prefer to keep medicines available at home. If I get sunburn, I don't want to trek through town and go to the hospital for that. I'd much rather put something topical on it and stay at home. That's when I get the idea to reopen the District Apothecary. My grandparents had owned it before they passed away but had disowned my mother when she ran off and married my father. There was nobody to pass it down to and my mother was shunned by the merchant class for marrying a Seam boy. Healing is a family trait. That's where my mother and Prim had gotten their talents. I had never considered myself much of a healer, but it's not like I haven't aided at all. I did take care of Peeta and myself numerous times in the Games and at home with all of our injuries. I decide that it would be sweet to carry on something that my sister would be proud of. And thus, Everdeen Apothecary was born.

I spent a lot of time gathering the plants to make the remedies and then ordered the jars and labels from the Capitol. Peeta decided that my shop should be right next to his bakery and immediately went to work contracting Thom to have his business build the shop. It took a few months to complete and when it was done, both buildings were side by side with a door opening into each other. During that time, I mixed what I could in the back room of the bakery and stored it all there until I could decorate my shop. When the Apothecary was ready to be painted, Peeta stepped up. He painted the walls in a rich array of greens and painted a mural on the wall adorned with primrose, katniss and lilies everywhere. It was a touching tribute to my family.

The day the shop opened, my heart was in my chest. I hired a young girl, Allie, to work for me while I was gathering the plants in the forest. Her boyfriend, Rafe, works for Peeta. I wasn't sure it was such a good idea since there is a door connecting the two shops and we sometimes left them alone to tend the stores. Peeta laughed and said to have a little faith. Besides, one of us was normally there and it's not like we couldn't relate. They were only fifteen and we were only nineteen. Still, we had been through the Games and it felt like we were thirty years old sometimes.

Speaking of thirty, tomorrow is Peeta's twentieth birthday. I've been making several special plans for tomorrow and we are going to close our shops and spend the whole day together. But first, I have to get through this morning before I do anything. I knew this day would come, and I'm excited about it. Now I just need confirmation. I get myself dressed and ready to head off to the hospital and see my doctor. When I get there, I am greeted with all friendly smiles and led into a bathroom to urinate in a cup. Then I'm led into an exam room where I strip down and cover with a hospital gown. Dr. Bivens comes in a short while later and puts me right at ease. I slide down on the examining table and slip my feet into the metal stirrups. He puts a cold gel on his finger and begins an internal examination of my vagina. I hate it. Certainly doesn't feel the same as when Peeta does it! He presses down along my pelvic areas and then abruptly discards his gloves and reaches his hand to mine to help me sit up. He looks at me and smiles.

"So, Katniss, congratulations are in order. You're just over three months pregnant." Dr Bivens says. I stare at him. I knew it already though. I was really just procrastinating on coming here. Not because I'm not happy, but because I wanted to make sure that the baby made it farther than last time before I got my hopes up. I was afraid to hear the words and then miscarry all over again. My face turns pink, I smile and begin to cry. I am so happy! Dr. Bivens comes over and gives me a small hug. "Before you leave today, I want to have an ultrasound to confirm size and due date. The nurse will give you a little goodie bag to take home. Please read everything in it. I'll see you back here in a month for a check up. Call me if you have any trouble in the meantime. And most of all, please give my best to Peeta. You two deserve a little happiness. Take care of yourself and I'll see you in a month." Dr. Bivens leaves and my hands immediately go to my midsection. Our baby is finally real.

I sit there for a minute and then the technician wheels in a contraption. She has me lie down again and she dumps some warm gel on my belly this time. She flicks on the monitor, punches in some information and when she's done, I see something in the top right corner of the screen that makes me smile bright 'Baby Mellark'. She runs the handle over my belly and all I see is white fuzz on the screen. Then she hones in and starts hitting a button and all of these pictures start coming out of the machine. She then breaks her composure and says "Look Mrs. Mellark, right there. That's your baby's head, and arms and legs. See there, that's it's heart beating. Very strong. Looks good so far." I start crying. I'm speechless seeing my baby on the screen. When she's all done, she leaves me alone to get dressed and then the nurse comes in.

She hands me the goody bag, a few of the ultra sound pictures and a bottle of prenatal vitamins. She gives me a whole set of instructions and advises not to run around climb trees in the forest. Keep on the ground she says. I swear I skip home. How do I tell Peeta? It's his birthday tomorrow. That's it! I'm just going to wait until tomorrow to tell him. Holding it in is going to be the hardest part. Can't even tell my mother until I tell Peeta.

I manage to act my way through the whole day but Peeta knows something is up. He laughs it off that I'm doing something extra special for his birthday and doesn't pressure me. He's not very far off of the mark.

In the morning I wake up in Peeta's arms and I can't bear it any longer. I get out of bed, put my slippers on and head downstairs. Peeta grabs me arm. "Where are you going?" he asks. "I'm hungry. Breakfast is calling me. Care to join me?" I ask. He nods and rolls over to wake up and start functioning. .

I already have the picture out on the table downstairs and now I just have to make him breakfast. He smells the bacon and comes downstairs. I pour him a cup of coffee, light and sweet, and then sit down. He looks at me. "Where's your cup? Want me to make it for you?" I smile. "Um, nah. I can't have coffee anymore." I reply. He looks at me, eyebrow raised. "What do you mean you can't have coffee anymore? You love coffee." The picture is sitting right against the fruit bowl but oblivious to it. It's right in front of his face with baby Mellark in the top corner. I keep willing him to glance down but he doesn't take his eyes off of my face. "There are a few things I'm not going to be doing anytime soon either. Like climbing trees or eating fish."

Peeta looks confused. "Why not?" he asks. I don't have to answer though. His fork is half way to his mouth when he notices the picture. He drops the fork and picks it up, noticing the name in the corner. He picks up the picture and looks at me, then smiles. He can barely find his voice. "Is this what I think it is?" he asks. I play dumb and walk over to look over his shoulder. "Yup, that's a picture of our baby Peeta. Happy birthday." I give him a lingering kiss on his cheek. He leaps out of the chair, picks me up and sits me on the counter. He lifts my shirt up and puts his hands on my abdomen, then kisses it. . "Our baby is in there?" he asks me quietly, awestruck. "Yes, Peeta. Our beautiful baby is in there." Peeta brings his lips to mine then and gives me a passionate kiss. He finally breaks the kiss, giving us both some air and asks, "When are you due?" I smile, "In six months. I am so happy Peeta. I almost told you last night. It was impossible to hold in my excitement! I can't believe in six months we'll be holding our own baby. A baby we made together." I move the hair out of his eyes and stare into their blue orbs. I hope our baby has his eyes.

Peeta holds me close. "This is the best birthday present ever Katniss. Thank you. I love you so much."

Peeta kisses me again. He puts his forehead to mine and just breaths in the scent of me. I can't take my eyes and hands off of him. Today is a really special day for us. Peeta rubs his nose to mine and lowers his eyes, then speaks. "I guess the odds really were in my favor, huh? First, we get back together and now we're having a baby. It's all I've ever wanted. I'm truly blessed. " I smile again and kiss him. "We both are."

Yet again, we never make it to the bedroom...


	41. Important Author's Note

**Important Author's Note**

Re: Completion Of 'Now'

I just wanted to take a quick moment and thank all of my readers who have followed me since I began writing, for the first real time in my life, since February. I have loved my time on FFN and I hope that my stories continue to stay posted, despite their content.

I have written eight stories so far, yes, eight. If you haven't read them all yet, please do. I am a die hard Everlark fan and have read most of what's out there myself. Please _**always **_check your favorite author's favorites because you never know when you're gonna find a good story. Remember that FFN started way back in 2002 and some stories go way back. Obviously, The Hunger Games isn't that old, but you know what I mean.

That being said, I cannot stress enough how important it is to always review/follow which stories/author's you love. FFN is constantly changing things and sometimes it's not easy to find what/who you loved in the past. That being said, some people won't read an author's work if the review are not high, so if you love it, always show it.

I have started a few pages to check out and follow.

**If you see a tumblr page on any author profile or A/N- FOLLOW IT. **

**If they're taken down for content, you won't be able to find them!**

Tumblr: **jlhumph** dot **tumblr** dot **com **

Twitter Handle: ** jlhumph (making LOTS of FFN friends-join me!)**

Alert Notifications: **eepurl **dot **com/nEYkn** to receive email notification when I post a chapter.

(remove all the dots from the above address- ffn eats them up) Please let me know if eepurl works cuz it's the first time I'm using it for sign ups. It's a work in progress and I haven't worked out all the kinks yet.

A few things my readers have brought up about my stories. Gonna address all at once.

YES, Book 1- It's completed and continues with Ready.

READY, Book 2- Complete and continues with Now.

NOW , Book 3- Completed and there will be no additional Book unless I get super crazy.

Catch Me- One shot of a lake scene.

Let It Rain- 3 Chapters of the alternate cave scene. Completed.

Moments- Competed.

**Spin- in progress AU.**

**Breathe- In progress AU.**

If you haven't read one of those stories, be sure to check them out. They're all still currently up on FFN and double posted onto my tumblr page.

Also, welcome to my Beta fnur and follow her on twitter at ** fnurfnur!**

Again, thank you for all the love and support!

xoxo Jen aka jlhumph :)


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